DarlinNadia - sorry it's so long.

I came to Christ 9/10/11. God made it easy for me to remember.

I am a firm believer that no one can lead anyone to Christ.... meaning No matter what you do or what I do, it won't make a difference. We are called when we are called and it was all predestined. However, once called I think.. no ... I KNOW that sanctification is a difficult process for a stubborn rebellious person who spent the better part of 40 years handling everything herself. To die to that strong, capable, educated, and hardened person is something I am incapable of... completely incapable of - Only GOD can change me and do the impossible task. I need to be committed to this surrender and pray unceasingly everyday that God works through me and helps me to be obedient.

I see it like this. God calls us as a perfect soul that he wants us to become.. as we become Christlike in our walk.. while we were born into sin and as we or *I* was away from God doing everything my way I added ugly thick hard rocky and brutal layers to this core perfect soul... I hung onto this my whole worldly life. Now, as I walk in sanctification with Christ and these layers are being chiseled off... as these layers are burned off and as I'm refined like gold.... Frankly, it hurts... it's painful for a prideful Selfish person like myself to lose what I worked so hard to create and maintain.

Stubborn, willful, strong personality people understand what I'm writing about and know that when something is discarded and considered useless, worthless, and not part of God's plan - stuff like an education, a job, a status, anything that identified who we are.. it is painful.. and hard. Impossible without God.

This is my testimony. My greatest sins are selfishness and pridefulness. I wrote an updated testimony earlier this year. This repeats some of what I've mentioned above but it's much better written because I prayed God would help me write it so that it reaches someone and helps them grow in Christ.

I also need to point out that my name is Not Darlin and it's not Nadia. My nickname prior to Christ was Darlin and since Jesus renames people when they are called to Christ I chose Nadia... (Naaa Dia). It felt appropriate. My real name is Tiffany and I pray that in reading a bit more about me you have learned a bit more about yourself and your walk with Jesus Christ is strengthened, renewed, and you grow in Christ.. all for the Glory of God. Amen.

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[TD]Tiffany’s Testimonial 2013
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Growth as a Christian[/TD]
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[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
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[TD]I thought knowledge was everything… The most important thing in my life was learning as much as possible – knowledge was power to make informed choices and needed to sustain my life and lifestyle – I used to walk around Boasting I had a Master’s Degree in Higher Education Administration – I ignored my family, my friends, my marriage – all to gain this ALL IMPORTANT education – for what ? I have never been able to use my education in terms of employment and now I’m repaying over 90K in student loans.

Who’s the smart one here? I would have argued it was me… Now that I’m saved….I would argue someone intelligent is anyone other than me….[/TD]
[TD]God showed me that Knowledge begins with knowing that I am nothing my knowledge means nothing. God is waiting for me (us) every day to ask HIM what to do.. Where can you use me today – consult with him – He craves and appreciates our fellowship – delighted by our need to collaborate with him … to find out what to do. True he already knows everything … but to know that we are relying on him for our next move and direction is a form of worship and praise.

While making informed choices is important and essential... It is far more important to do research in the Bible – make Biblical choices, do not rely on worldly knowledge… Pray – Pray often[/TD]
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[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
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[TD]I thought I knew what love was. In my family, in my marriage, with my children, with my friends, with myself, with God.

In my marriage I loved how my husband loved me. I measured my love by how he loved me. I thought he loved me because he did things for me, he wrote songs about me, he devoted himself to me, he never cheated on me, he never even looked at other women, he never hit or harmed me, or even disagreed with me, he focused his everything on me… worshipped me. I thought that had to be love.... I was wrong. I did not love him… I loved how he loved me. I loved ME not him.

I was devastated and hurt me when he left me confused, alone, bitter, angry, How could he do this to ME? He loved ME? It was all a selfish love. He loved me, I loved me. [/TD]
[TD]God showed me that love is not something that is earned. Love is something you give not something that you receive.

It is not until you give love that you feel love.
God loves us. We cannot earn this, we do not deserve this, but we have it. Once you love someone as God loves us, you understand what love is. It is beyond unconditional. Love begins with Worshiping and Serving God First… THEN… Love is serving another person as Christ served us, putting the loved one before ourselves, doing for another without any care for recognition or retribution or repayment. Love is also willing to correct a loved one when they are doing something that is not holy or righteous because helping another conform to the image of Christ is love.

God showed me that Love is serving, not selfish.[/TD]
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[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
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[TD]I thought if you love me enough you would accept me for who I am... my choices, my beliefs, and my ideas.

If you love me you would respect me, not try to change me, conform me, or impose your beliefs upon me. Live and let live.

If you love me, you would support me morally, emotionally, mentally. (Why I never thought financially was important it is beyond me but it never made my list)

I was that stubborn (full of pride) and used to think.. no.. I was convinced I knew it all, my way was always better- more effective and efficient.

I felt I was so great that I could not even hold others to “my” standards because they would fall short.

I had to do things for myself if I wanted them done right[/TD]
[TD]God showed me love is full of reproof… revision, correction, and friend, Love is going to hurt. It will hurt because it removes the YOU that YOU made, that YOU are/were Proud of… That you worked so hard to create and nurtured for so very long… is going to be killed before your very eyes.

The refinement is a long process for that self proclaimed – self made diamond in the rough… and self imposed personal high standards are rough. Complex layers that hide so much pain and suffering along the way.

We are ALL Beautifully and Wonderfully Made.. if you need to beautify beyond the standard God created you in, you are only adding layers that need to be stripped off when it’s time to get real with God.

God showed me love heals, repairs, and edifies for the Glory of God. Feeling content, safe, and loved in every circumstance is only possible through God’s help and with God at the Center of my life and focus.[/TD]
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[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
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[TD]I thought I was an infected big toe in the Body of Christ.. I thought that my Burdens were far too great for anyone else to bare. And this is all after already losing my husband, my job, my car, my mom, my friends, and my lifestyle. At this point in my life I was called by God and realized my way wasn’t working. I was saved, I could not understand why this was happening to me, maybe I was a horrible person after all and maybe I was even too far gone for God to deal with… but I kept praying every day.

Fortunately for me, I had people praying for me regularly and I had people that felt God put on their hearts to check up on me throughout my bad times. Small groups are for this. [/TD]
[TD]God showed me hiding in my pain and suffering was incredibly Selfish and was diminishing his Glory. Rejecting my salvation – again the selfishness – the pride.

Withdrawing, hiding in my home, avoiding fellowship, only reaching out when I felt strong enough was like Slapping God in the face – All the Miracles and Grace God showered upon me have gone unseen by so many – the few that witnessed them have felt tremendously blessed and renewed.

It is so easy to become blinded by pride and selfishness – we need others to hold us accountable, to inform us when we are slipping.[/TD]
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[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
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[TD]I thought my Issues were overwhelming to others – While this may have been true to an extent, somewhere I thought I was suffering and somehow felt that by suffering alone I was protecting others from my pain or atoning for my sins, I deserved this punishment… again I was wrong – To be truthful, I rejected the Blood of Jesus here… felt his suffering wasn’t enough to cover MY sins- My Problems.. don’t make this same mistake friends.

Though I was suffering and perhaps my issues were overwhelming and unbelievable to many people at the time… I had the continual prayer and devotional service of the worship team …For the Glory of God praying my prayer requests. Thankfully I stayed close to God during these struggles. I’m so thankful for all of the people that continued to keep me on their prayer list and still keep me and my daughter on their prayer list. This is love. I am loved. You are loved. We are loved. God is with us and no matter what, he will not forsake us. Trust him.

Private issues I was afraid to share with people – afraid of more problems and struggles included but aren’t limited to
- Ugly custody battle with continued and relentless Untruths and lies and persecutions against my character
- Continual health battles
- Continual financial struggles
- Daily aggravations and seemingly unnecessary pitfalls and dark times
- Loss of family and friends
- Loss of income and stability

I thought my testimony was worthless, unbelievable, boring, irritating, we all have problems right? Yes we all have problems some great some small, nonetheless they affect us and they affect those around us[/TD]
[TD]God showed me that had I not been so Selfish with my problems and woes, others could have also been blessed to see God’s Glory and Grace at work in my life. Seeing where I was – that ugly retched horrid selfish person – transformed into – well still ugly horrid and retched and even selfish still but now someone that is more refined by God for God’s Glory

People naturally avoid lepers because their skin is falling off, but when we are called to the body of Christ, we are still part of the body of Christ.
When one of us is suffering, we need to let others come beside us and pray for us and serve us. Other people – all of you are the hands and feet of God. Avoiding you is the same as avoiding God.

Everything I have been through – God has been lifting me up, dusting me off, giving me JUST enough to carry on and I have been sustained and all of my needs have been met, not more, not less – I’m going through sanctification for the Glory of God. I have been called to the body of Christ.

I cannot hide this or run from this. The shame and pride that makes you or me think we need to hide or protect others does not come from God.

Consider these trials blessings as God is using you and me as an example of his Glory and Grace – perhaps because of how we were made… why we were made. To give Glory to God. That is most important.
God calls people where they are. Hearing this might be calling you… if I were hiding in my home, you would not have been called because you wouldn’t hear my testimony.
God wants us to fellowship and share with one another for his Glory. [/TD]
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[TD]What I thought[/TD]
[TD]What God Showed me[/TD]
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[TD]I thought it is easier to ignore prayer. To just go about my day and overlook worship time and quiet time with God.

When running late.. I thought giving time to God seemed to be too difficult… I was wrong and selfish and prideful here again. I cannot do this thing called life alone when I try- I mess it up every single time.

I Thought tithing was silly given my dire financial circumstances... that money could be used for bills… to buy food… I was wrong.

My way does not work.[/TD]
[TD]God showed me it is when I do not begin my day with Prayer or waiver from God that my life begins to unravel… I begin to hide… money woes come… fear comes… panic sets in…I learned how important it is to make and keep God at the center of my world.

I learned that God will provide financially, money comes from places unexpected when tithing.

When God is my focus… everything else falls into place and is Good. I even pray regularly that I am able to keep my focus on God because it IS that important and that much better in this life.[/TD]
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Wonderful, and a warm welcome to CC

Awesome testimony and Awesome God! Thank you so much for sharing and no, it wasn't too long. Your testimony was a great encouragement and much appreciated. Welcome to CC!!

Oooo!!! What a good work He's doing in all of us !! I can so relate to you! Thanks for sharing !
father we cone into agreement by this testimony as one body and mind in you. That knowledge , Worldly gain, family Friends are all blessing established by you and given to is by you as well.. Please guide us into your everlasting truth as we share with one another the testimony given to us by you, that all things work together towards your greater good.. We thank you for these tests, as they reveal how deprived we truly are without you!
In Christ , we ask you to send your angels of protection .. As we fully know all is ultimately supported, provided and given by you.. As you have written " where two or three gather in My Name , there am I in the midst of you"., help us to listen for your direction, guidance , as you bring all of it to is through and by the Holy spirit who speaks to us..
In Christ name we pray .. Amen !!

Welcome to Christian Chat, DarlinNadia.

Thank you all for your kind welcome.

Hi Darlin welcome to cc. Thank you so much for that powerful testimony. Truly inspirational.

Praise God fro his sovereignty and Grace. I was chatting with my sister in Christ after church on Sunday and we were discussing God's election Romans 9:9-23 because of some current struggles I have been having about my salvation and questioning wicked over righteous and realized I need to pray about being content in where God has me. I cannot tell the molder how to mold me. Count it all Joy. I am thankful to God for those people he has has put into my life to serve as his hands and feet and come along side me and restore me with a gentle spirit like in Gal 6:1-4.

Romans 9:9-23

English Standard Version (ESV)

9 For this is what the promise said: “About this time next year I will return, and Sarah shall have a son.” 10 And not only so, but also when Rebekah had conceived children by one man, our forefather Isaac, 11 though they were not yet born and had done nothing either good or bad—in order that God's purpose of election might continue, not because of works but because of him who calls— 12 she was told, “The older will serve the younger.” 13 As it is written, “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.”
14 What shall we say then? Is there injustice on God's part? By no means! 15 For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” 16 So then it depends not on human will or exertion,[a] but on God, who has mercy. 17 For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” 18 So then he has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills.
19 You will say to me then, “Why does he still find fault? For who can resist his will?” 20 But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?” 21 Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use?22 What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, 23 in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory—
Footnotes:

1. Romans 9:16 Greek not of him who wills or run

Galatians 6:1-4

English Standard Version (ESV)

Bear One Another's Burdens

6 Brothers,[a] if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3 For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor.
Footnotes:

1. Galatians 6:1 Or Brothers and sisters; also verse 18

I think you don´t like to write. Do you like insteasd? Ha! Ha! I´m going to see what you typed on the profile (because this reading seems "a profile").

Awesome one. I see God in you. You are visionary I see. Bless your heart

Nadia, Brendan here aka Transtygian. If that is not sufficient enough to jog your memory, I am from Alaska and we spoke about your love for petting moose. Ring a bell now? Okay, wanted to express to you that in my personal opinion your post is not that long. I suppose compared to some that may be the case. Although, I am a Journalist and write for hours on end in periodicals, updating multiple blogs, and nine websites as well. I say its superlative and bravo Nadia for exhibiting what a humble person you are! So, my opinion is likely somewhat biased and deemed negligible an ineffectual in my eyes, and perhaps to other homo sapiens who agree. At any rate, its time to press on and join the ranks of the of the non-elect (oops, naughty reference) and exhibit knowing the difference from right and wrong having never attended a day of church in my insignificant little life. I must say that your post paints a resplendent picture of your experience with a god and you now possess eternal life! Please take no offense, as I have yet to meet this entity and cannot relate, nor can I convey an experience such as your's. I'm very happy for you wish you the best in all your endeavors, just stay away from the moose! Yes, I understand the attraction to do so, have had the same thought myself, yet never palpated ones nose unless I knew he was kaput to use the vernacular. Now, I highly recommend that you kiss pooh-to use your term-directly on the nose, so that you can elucidate on being the only one to ever do so! Your post is delightful in content and your format of choice was magnanimous and noticeably touching the hearts of many. Yet, I must not lie and say the length itself was pedestrian at best. It matters not how many words you employed to convey a meaningful-with emphasis-life changing moment in your new walk on what I'm hoping is a narrow path which exudes perspicacity! Admittedly, as I was in the procession of reading it, I suffered the loss of concentration multiple times as I was plagued by this intrusive mustache detected by my peripheral vision. I thought noooo.....really, end result being unable to voluntarily direct my eyes towards the text for more than a minute in a consistent fashion. Seemingly psychosomatic reflex of the iris (not a reference to the messenger of the mythological gods) attempting to adhere itself to that 'stache. In conclusion I spent all of ten minutes perusing the post in its entirety. Please forgive me for I have no excuse but to say thank you for your honesty as I prefer non-fiction that embraces ones cerebrum! Stop by next time you visit the Final Frontier and I'll tell you, yes Nadia what an incomprehensible piece of work, absolutely astonishing! I'll let it work on me mind a bit and hope I don't expire in the meantime! Later skater!

Thanks for sharing your testimony, Nadia! Welcome to CC. I hope you enjoy/are edified here

You haven't been back for some time. I believe the stash might have you frightened off perhaps. I hope I am on that narrow path... I question it sometimes, be nice if you were on that narrow path with me Brendan. I do remember you and I would settle for a kaput moose to nose kiss... but it would have to be freshly kaput ... and slightly warm.. or stuffed.. but I'm not sure the thrill of it would be there in either instance.

Regardless, Come back soon Brendan, I might even come on cam and you can see the 'stash in real time.

Where have you been my friend? I haven't seen or heard from you in ages. I pray you are well.

Again! ( I like it twice) "because I prayed God would help me write it so that it reaches someone and helps them grow in Christ."

Thanks GOD!

YOU used this woman to help me get improved (I plan to leave my secularity + hidings, as psedo hermit).

Glory to God! That's awesome. While I completely and 100% get the draw to being a pseudo hermit, God wants us to share our testimonies and let others see the amazing things HE is doing in our lives. Don't cover the lamp that lights the way. I never thought my insignificant life would make any difference in people's lives.... but then, I realized God has done SUCH GOOD WORKS in my life that in and of itself is worthy of sharing. It's all about God!

That "insignificant" life GOD USED served me as a mirror, today... And that mirrow I saw held back a couple of tears I wanted to shed.

Shed them, God stores up those tears... never be ashamed to release them to his hands