New Here

Try not to take anything in here that is negative, to heart. Try to see the glass as half full, rather than half empty, so to speak, if you can. I got flamed real bad in my introduction here, part of which was how I framed my intro probably, haha.

I don't consider anyone "flaming" me. I get they are trying to be helpful...and I really REALLY want to comprehend and feel that love...I've prayed, studied the Bible for years...I just have never had that moment. The one where something happens that makes you finally understand and feel that love. I can't get over the feelings of unworthiness and unwanted I guess. I'm just in a slump.

I see. One thing I might add I guess, is to watch for God to show you these things, even in unexpected ways, or places. Out of all the experiences I have heard from people, regarding their relationship with God, it has caused me to believe that God often comes to people in many different ways, and it is often unique, and personal.

Many stories regarding other's walk with God and faith, I cannot personally relate to myself. But, it is clear and evident that God reached them in that unique way.

While I cannot tell you how God will reach you and speak to you, sometimes the first step, is looking deeply into aspects and areas of your life or your day, and asking God to show you, how He is working in your life, how He would reach you, in your unique way. I do pray that He would reveal himself to you, in that unique way, that He made just for you. God bless

Because of the youth groups I was in in high school, I have a hard time believing others personal stories relating with God and being close and feeling loved because a lot of those people I was there with lied about their faith. They pretended to have a great and wonderful relationship with God. I continue to keep in touch with those that were in the first youth group. There are some still involved. However some of those have come to me, admitted they never felt anything. These kids were from broken homes as well and wanted to belong somewhere and be a part of the "family" there. If you didn't believe exactly what they did, you weren't saved and didn't belong.

It is not that I believe any of you are lying about your experiences with God. I do believe in God...I just want to feel that closeness that so many have told me about but I've failed to feel.

I apologize in advance as this post will be quite long.

I see. I am a bit of a loner myself. What you have experienced, I can believe happens probably a lot. I would actually not at all be offended if you did not believe me. I will say this, faith is a funny thing. While I did not grow up in a Christian family, my half sister who is about 20 years older than me did. I once went to a "church camp" her and her "youth pastor" husband were hosting. I had no concept of religion at this point. I did not go for religonious reasons, they got me to go because they told there would be jet skis.

When we first got there, one of the elder pastors asked me "if I was a Christian?" not understanding, and yes, feeling the need to "fit in", I answered "well, I am that, more than any other religion". Of course this is not how you answer such a question and that was made clear in his reply (which I remember seeming cold to me) "you mean, more that Buddhism?" I don't even remember my reply, it was clear a had answered incorrectly. I was faking, I had no clue about religious matters it was obvious.

Just a bit later, I was playing 1 on 1 basketball with one of the kids from the camp. He asked me if I was "camping nearby" as of course he did not know me, I was an outsider. My half sister walked over to check up on me, and his jaw dropped. "You know JT?" he said. I said "yes Kim is my sister, his wife". Even then with my lack of spiritual understanding, something about this did not seem right. Now looking back its like the kids quite literally "idolized" this man. That might not sound fair to say but still to this day I believed those kids looked up to him in a way that was unhealthy. I went through the whole week feeling "akward" and "out of place". Now most of the kids were well meaning and seemed to have real faith, but a few days in, I stopped singing all the little songs with them, I couldn't be fake, I did not yet believe. So I missed one of the pastors speaking, as I was sitting 100 feet away with my half sister who was watching her toddler boys. After he gave his sermon, he made a point of walking right over to me, and "thanking me" for listening to his sermon, now I see clearly in an attempt to "shame" me, for not joining in. At that age this went over my head. I just said "your welcome" thinking it was very odd he did not notice I could not hear him. He did seem a bit cold and upset, which to me was even more strange, as those feelings don't normally accompany a "thank you". So yes I guess I have seen something that is somewhat similar.

So what happened? How am I now a Christian after that? Well, at age 19, Jesus came to me in a vision, he held out both of his hands palms up, and told me to "choose life or death". I told Him, " I give you my life as savior". Where did this great experience that changed my life happen? In my own house, not at church or at a church activity. I know that is not most people's story. I am not some "amazing person" just because of that moment. I am just like others who believe, just a sinner saved and set free. In fact, at one of the churches I go to, not many even know me by name and I'm ok with that. Now I don't try to avoid people there, but I also don't boldly walk up and try and mingle as much as I could.

All of this is just my attempt to try and share with you that no matter who has "played religious games" in the church group you were a part of, even if well intentioned or for a good reason, its like these people were "pawns" of the "man made structure" that sometimes exists in some churches in christianity. I have also been around Christians where these games do not go on. I tend to stick with places where the people seem more genuine, sincere, and accepting of me, even if I might be a little different than them in some way. Those places are out there if one looks hard enough. I hope my story helps you to see I am not trying to put on a show to you, I'm simply sharing my faith and life experiences. But hopefully it will also show you, I understand if this story, does not change your mind. I'm new to this forum myself, but my hope is you are accepted, and that God truly show up to you, and for you. If it does not happen, well I will never give up faith that of you are indeed seeking God, you just might find Him. God bless

You could consider that misconception for me as well. I was taught in a Sunday school with other little girls who disliked me. We always beleived it was our different town that we lived and schooled in, but whatever the case, I'd known them breifly and it just never went well. Our precious Sunday school teacher told us Jesus loves us and our friends and wants us to forgive our friends. Then she swung her arm around the room to encompass us all. "These are your friends". Everyone smiled. Class ended and I looked at my 'new' now friend who at 3 'snubbed' me. Very sad, I was rejected at 3. It never got better in that church. When I became born again after homeward bound home hunting...(little play on words), I found some really close friends.

Just my experience. Remember God isn't in the storm. He isn't in the wind. His is the still small voice that says, "I love you". The Holy SPirit is a gentleman and, while he pursues you relentlessly, you have to invite him in. He is in no way inapproproiate to go where he is not welcome. Love always -student

I guess my problem lies here, as I stated in a different post I rely on facts and proof for a lot of stuff. A lady stated that it's not in feelings but in knowing. You're saying he is the small voice when I've mostly ever heard stories of "proof" and "facts" and I assumed I just either didn't matter or was missing something. That I wasn't good enough (I know that really actually no one is).

When you read the bible, utilize the faith you have. I open "at random" and let the Holy SPirit lead me to the "where". I used devotionals to begin with. its using faith w trust but one word of caution, Satan can 'help himself', to someone unschooled in that aspect. If it doesn't make sense go on to the next one...If it calms your heart, God sent it.

[video]https://youtu.be/tIZitK6_IMQ[/video]

Just be held, dear friend....

Hi Nothere ,I don't know if you'll read this as I see this post is from 3 days ago.
I'm new too,and an old Nana now but some years ago I was a stay at home Mom of 3 little boys. I dealt with some of the emotions you do. Didn't understand a loving Father, felt isolated etc. I'd blend in to the background at church to the point that some people thought my husband was a single parent.
Over the years my relationship with God changed and He showed me true unconditional love. I'm praying that you receive this gift too.
God bless you Sweetheart. Don't give up on Him. He'll never give up on you.

I absolutely love this song. Thank you so much for showing it to me!

Thank you! Until 2 weeks ago I stayed at home with my girls all the time. I only got out really to go grocery shopping unless my husband was with me. Since he works so much, I never got adult conversation. I don't have many friends that I feel I can talk with..