I used to be an on fire Christian

I was a youth leader..I still go to church 2 times a week to play guitar..but I just do it because that's what people expect me to do..1 don't like it I'm not even sure there is a god..I often take pills anything I can find to relax abit..I'd like to kill myself but can't seem to do it yet..I think it's because I hate mysel

All I can think to tell you is what my mother told me when I was depressed and suicidal... if you kill yourself you'll go to hell, and then you'll feel this way forever. God loves you, even when no one else does. Don't reject him and eventually it will be better. I will pray for you.

Bro, I don't know what you've gone through, but if you wanna know God, just let go of everything you hold on to and ask Him to reveal Himself to you, just ask Him to speak and let you hear. He loves you and wants nothing more than to be with you. Just surrender to Him... God bless

Keep holding on in faith, no matter what!
For it is in this, that Jesus brought me through so many struggles.
You are in my prayers in Jesus, for all that is His healing love, and the delight of His presance.

God bless
pickles

You need to ask God to fill you with the Holy Spirit, but you got to want it in your heart. You can't hang on to the world and walk in the Spirit too. If you truly seek it, you will find it. God said that he will give you the desires of your heart. Be it of the world or of God. Satan has got a hold on you right now and unless you turn back to God he'll win. You won't win by yourself.

Omighty God I bind the hand of satan that is pulling on Cawking. Make him turn it lose Lord in the name of Jesus. Fill him Lord with the Holy Spirit. Give him the real need to teach our youth. In the name of Jesus I pray amen.

Brother cawking,you are 27 ic. Well I am 58. And I will say this to you bro. You young people have it much harder then we ever did!! There is more pressure at school, and other places. I do not know how much of the Bible you know, or even believe?I do not want to write a lot of words,that you would not care to even read!

BUT If I may make one point to you,perhaps as a brother in Christ, I can help in some small way to you. Life was never promised to be easy! I know,even after I was saved I lived 3 years on the streets! Feeling much like you do now! Like you,I could not do it either,but thought about it much.My fear?? LOl Is that I would even screw that up,leaving myself in a bed,where I could not finish the job!

So,I pressed on,I started from the beginning of when I first became saved. Get into the Bible!! Find out what God says about you, rather then yourself or the devil! He would kill us you know!!( john 10:10)That is his very nature!! to steal and rob us all from life itself! ask Judas!! You my brother are no worse then any of the disciples!!Look what they did!!

And they had Jesus with them!!!( matt 26:56!!!) they left Jesus alone,the same as we many times feel we are at!! ALONE! AH!! But my brother,we are not alone!! Jesus loves us no matter what! No matter how we feel,or even how we act! But you my brother are required to do just one thing!! LET HIM LOVE YOU!! When I did that!! I was free,and you will be to!

Give yourself a break! Get into the Word for yourself! Worry not what others want,for how can we help another,when we ourselves are in a hole? I mean really bro?? How far can one see in a hole? I am giving you a rope,but you must use it! I hope you will! You are loved!! Not just by Jesus himself!! But we the Body of Christ in him!! My prayers are with you!

Yes brother you need to be fed, is your church doing this?If not go were you can worship in peace and grow.Are you feeling condemnation?If so
God is bigger than our hearts,sometimes people expect too much from us,change is good too in certain situations,I pray that your faith fail not!
Strengthen yourself first, then you will be able to help others when you are renewed,Lord renew him,do a mighty work in him, give him a new song!
Afresh new beggining in you!
God bless you!!!!!

God loves you so much more than you can imagine! He's got your picture in His wallet! He never made a failure. Don't give up! God LOVES YOU! He DOES! You gotta praise the Lord, even if the time doesn't seem right! Praise keeps the devil away (he hates it), and it blesses God (Psalms 34:1). He wants His best for you! He's blessed you! He's the best Father there ever is! He loves you! This may seem weird, and extreme, but if you're really feeling down and can't get up, go to ministering to yourself! Stand in front of a mirror and start telling yourself that God loves you! Read to yourself verses that have to do with love (John 3:16 is a real good one!) Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word (Romans 10:17)! Don't give up! God loves you! God bless!

You're getting too caught up with your own thoughts you must let all of them go. Empty yourself of all thoughts and let the memory and presence of God envelope your heart. Read the 4 Gospels, Proverbs, Psalms and the New Testament. Empty yourself so that you can be filled with God.

Don't condemn yourself, God is not condemning you.

Thanks everyone I'm really surprised that u guys seem to care..today was alittle better..I still look at my bible but can't bring myself to read it..I'm not sure why..i think everything u guys said was great..I'd love to talk to someone but in my church everyone thinks I'm a pillar in the faith so I can't really talk..I feel really bad because I still get called all the time from kids who just want to die..and I say God loves u and has a great plan for u trust him..but yet I've died inside..

To admit to others the struggle you are having would be a strong witness in Jesus.
Too often many think they are failing, because they have times of doubt.
The witness of your struggle will bring understanding and hope to those around you, for it is not ones self that does the work, but Jesus who brings all work to compleation in you.
Look to your brothers and sisters in Jesus with humility, and you and they will be twice blessed.
First , giving them the oppertunity to help ansd support you as a brother in Jesus.
Second the witness of how we all can do nothing on our own, all is Jesus.
You continue to be in my prayers in Jesus.

God bless
pickles

I PRAY IN JESUS NAME FOR YOU GOD HAS A PLAN FOR YOU DONT GIVE IN TO THE DEVIL HE ALSO CAN SEE THE FUTURE GOD LAYING OUT FOR U AND ITS FREEDUM WITH IN YOUR SELF PLEASE READ THE WORD THE DEVIL WANT TO BOND YOU FROM THE WORD THATS WHY YOU CANT READ, PRAY BEFOR TRYING THAT GOD PLACE THE OWER BEFOR YOU AND READ. GOD BLESS YOU MY BROTHER UR IN MY PRAYER

I will be praying for you as God leads me...

You have been given loving advice...

May God bless you and keep you, and shine His light upon you!
Show you His marvelous loving kindness!
Take you in to His presence and fill you with his peace...
Not as the world knows peace...
His spiritual peace

The way that you stay near God is always through fear and love. If you don't have either of these and have become callous, cold and unloving then you will understandably have this condition.

Have a thankful heart. Don't take the blessings in life for granted. Recognize the miracle of life.

Romans 1:20 "For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead;"

God created the universe in his infinite wisdom. Recognize this and be grateful.

Hey take it from me you need to read your bible,When i stop reading things go down hill

I'm praying for you! All I can say is, THINGS WILL GET BETTER. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I don't know what you're battling right now.. but even though you feel far away from him, God is with you. Jesus died so God could be with us in the darkest of places.

I lost my father two years ago to suicide, and I must say, it's the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my entire life. Constantly wondering what I could have done to change things, and wondering why he would want to leave me.

Also - God loves you for just who you are. Nothing you've done surprises him, he loves you all the same. It sounds to me like you're really talented, playing guitar twice a week for your church. Sometimes we can't control what's going on around us, and we feel like failures. Hang in there, you're awesome just for posting this. God bless, and I am praying.

yes, man.. reading the bible is hard.. I have not read the bible all the way through myself but i have important scriptures noted to help me out of my greatest struggles.. you say here that you have died inside..hmm in a way that may be true..we must let our old self's die out so the new creation of Jesus can come out of us but you may not be meaning this. here is a scripture that may match you...