Brother cawking,you are 27 ic. Well I am 58. And I will say this to you bro. You young people have it much harder then we ever did!! There is more pressure at school, and other places. I do not know how much of the Bible you know, or even believe?I do not want to write a lot of words,that you would not care to even read!
BUT If I may make one point to you,perhaps as a brother in Christ, I can help in some small way to you. Life was never promised to be easy! I know,even after I was saved I lived 3 years on the streets! Feeling much like you do now! Like you,I could not do it either,but thought about it much.My fear?? LOl Is that I would even screw that up,leaving myself in a bed,where I could not finish the job!
So,I pressed on,I started from the beginning of when I first became saved. Get into the Bible!! Find out what God says about you, rather then yourself or the devil! He would kill us you know!!( john 10:10)That is his very nature!! to steal and rob us all from life itself! ask Judas!! You my brother are no worse then any of the disciples!!Look what they did!!
And they had Jesus with them!!!( matt 26:56!!!) they left Jesus alone,the same as we many times feel we are at!! ALONE! AH!! But my brother,we are not alone!! Jesus loves us no matter what! No matter how we feel,or even how we act! But you my brother are required to do just one thing!! LET HIM LOVE YOU!! When I did that!! I was free,and you will be to!
Give yourself a break! Get into the Word for yourself! Worry not what others want,for how can we help another,when we ourselves are in a hole? I mean really bro?? How far can one see in a hole? I am giving you a rope,but you must use it! I hope you will! You are loved!! Not just by Jesus himself!! But we the Body of Christ in him!! My prayers are with you!