Quick prayer request, please.

I told myself that I should be requesting as minimal as possible since I don't think prayer requests should be used as some 'wish to be granted' sort of thing, but hear me out...

I think I may have found some sort of purpose in order to keep going in such a pointless and never ending misery of a world. I ended up backing out from college this semester since at the very last minute I thought that what I was planning to do would be a bit pointless and that I would just be wasting time and money. I'm thinking once I get myself a job then I'll go in as a part-time student to do something maybe something as psychology since I feel like that could be something I can do and help people in ways that I wish I could have been helped. So if I go to apply once again, I want to know if I'll be definite on what path I decide to choose and stick to and know that it will be worth it in the long run. If not this, then I need to know what I could really do.

As for a job, I'm going to submit an application to a place where yes there's connections I know that may or may not help me get in, but I think would also be a great start in order for me to start heading in the direction I may get myself to. I can conquer my fear of being around people and become more outspoken and have better communication skills. I can fix myself up in the process even if it may be a dreadful situation.

Lastly, I want to stick to the fact that I know that there will be a purpose with my life instead of dreading it to get by, repeat and then die. I want to let go of the past hurts and events that no longer will define who I am as a person. I want to serve for others in constructive ways no matter the situation or what is the point to even live. I want meaning to life even if nothing else will give me a reason. By now I know that staying the very way that I am is going to lead to death if I keep my head in such position throughout however many years I have left. I want to know if God truly is real and if he's the same that I've hoped for or even better too. I've already had minor changes that I never admitted to in my life and I need to know if there's a different way to go about everything.

Thank you kindly.

There is a better way sister I promise. When you submit your will to Him fully, and the one true living God comes into you as the Holy Spirit forever changing you from the inside out, you will then have your meaning and even a guide (to take with you forever. Free of charge). I don't know exactly how to tell you how to do that, as it is a personal thing between you and Him. I wouldn't suggest the way I did it if you value having all your limbs functional, but it was worth it in the end and I'd give my other arm gladly for the Truth He gave me in return. There is purpose and meaning out there, and it's all in Jesus.

I realize that probably doesn't sound like the best answer to what you asked, but I'm more then willing to discuss anything with you I can if it would help any. Just hit me up anytime here, and good luck on your journey.

Just keep in mind Just, that all of this requires you to be open and vulnerable. Not trying to discourage, just make you aware. I am 100% behind you and will do what i can to support you. And so stop being a stranger =P



Hey Jimbone, you will likely want to change your avatar to something with a shirt on.

Thank you, William. That put a smile on my face. I know I'm going to need to take the first steps and go out of my own limits. If it's meant to be then I will.

Thank you as well, Jimbone. Your answer was great too.

thank you Lord, for giving wisdon to the Justanotheruser, please give him you strength and guide him for a greater purpose, Amen

[h=2] Re: What's The Greatest Hardship You're Enduring? How do you overcome?[/h]

The fact that I would even be in existence... What's the point? I mean, often than not these days I have no problem since I know I want to live. I have to. For what, who knows, I don't know yet. I'm just afraid of it getting worse from here on. One minute a person could tell you that you need to reach out to get anywhere, then when you do just that then you're nothing but a big crybaby. Speaking of which, I'm in tears right now.

I just find myself horribly ugly. Inside, outside. I've focused more on the outside and of course I slip and go back to my old habits. Literally I cannot get anywhere. I need to reach out but of course I can't. I wonder if I'll ever be good for anything because I've pretty much done everything wrong. I still do.

More like a rant, but I'll get to the point... Right now I'm just wanting to get out of this endless pit that I've stayed in for quite some time. Small changes, that's what we should be focusing on, right? I can't even do that. I'm tired of feeling anxious of the thought that I'd even step one foot somewhere that seems so foreign and yet somehow too familiar because I don't want to get hurt anymore. Like I said, I've done everything wrong. I know I need to let go but then there's a pull when trying to get out. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I'm too comfortable in my mistakes but it's costing me everything. Tired of my messed up thinking, ways, faults. They've been going on for quite a long time now and I just want to wake up feeling like they're gone. Of course, it can't be like that.

Honestly, I just need to leave. Leave everything. Leave and forget everything I've known. If I can start over and 'have' to, I'd probably do just that. Otherwise I don't want to really be here. I just want to get on point and if there's a heaven then everyone up there has a lot of explaining to do to have people be tortured here only to have a huge possibility to be tortured even more in the next life.

Sorry, but if there's even an answer that nobody asked for and yet can be published on a public forum, it's this. I don't want any pats on the shoulder telling me 'there there' or people to feel bad and pray for me. Not anymore. I just want to be left alone. I may get just that. To everyone who has been nice to me, thank you for it. It means more than I've ever expressed and at times even thought about. You know who you are.​

-oOo-

I reposted here your reply to my thread. I'm proud of your little gestures to post a thread and asking for a prayer. I could see your heart that you would like God to still use you even you don't believe in yourself and amidst the little faith you have in your present situation. And I'm encouraged when you said there are some small improvements.

Have at least 10 days goal to get closer with God. One step at a time. Your suffering has an end.

Please contiinue to fight.. I am here to pray for you and support you.

Revelation 3:7-13 having little strength.

There you go man, does that make you more comfortable? I didn't mean to offend or make anyone jealous. I picked the picture because my son looked like he was hulking up and I thought it was funny. It's just me in a hat now, nothing to threaten your self esteem. Happy? Can my comments be valid now?

I thought you're fave verse was of naked i came to my mother's womb, naked i will depart. J/K. You were not that naked. Only it caught my attention first rather than your comment. I was thinking why you chose the recent avatar. So it was about your son. You have a cute son. I also changed my avatar 'coz in a gentle/funny way they commented my avatar was sad face, then some said it was mocking them (as a joke) lol. I didn't feel bad. I know they were not serious, but even I couldn't see anything wrong to it, still I've changed my avatar . Because some are visuals. And if it will help them, I'll choose to help than to please myself.

And thanks for your reply in one of my threads. God bless to you and your family.

No problem really, I think I came off a little too defensive, I didn't take your comment that hard. I also can see where you were coming from really. No big deal, and no hard feelings. Have a good day.

Insomnia getting the best of me again... Well, actually it's probably my caffeine intake and I was hoping that I can push an all-nighter since I'm tired of falling and staying asleep for so many hours. It's at the point I can't even hear my alarm clock go off when I used to jump out of bed when hearing it.

Anyway, I want to ask for anyone who reads still to just keep me and my family in prayers. I realize how desperately we are needing it, and not just due to physical circumstances. I feel awful too since I said some things I shouldn't have and I can be quick to have temper even if I try telling myself to be otherwise. I feel like for a while we've been under a spiritual attack and that could be the reason why we're having a pattern of events that have been going on for quite a few years now. Specifically I think it started since the summer of 2009 with the events, but anyway.

I've been crying and having such rage and I know I can't be taking it out on anyone, especially to the very people who still give me a roof over my head. I just wish we had proper connections. I'm tired of wishing the impossible when even functioning as a normal human being for me can be impossible. Don't let the text I display within my posts view to you otherwise, believe me.

I'm submitting applications for other places as well. I've heard nothing with the one I submitted within my OP and nothing. I'm going to feel lucky if I even get out of the house at this point and I'm getting so tired of the stronghold that I shouldn't show my face anywhere. This has been going on for a good while as well. I don't know what's going to even happen within a year from now if I'm still here. I didn't really see myself to be here now and I certainly can't tell if I'll be here within the next week. I've been more suicidal (at least with the thoughts) lately and I think it's more than just the PMS talking. I feel like there's a bigger picture going on and I'm just avoiding the problems I should be tending to and ignore the ones that I let bother me the most.

Well, I guess that's it for now. As I said, thank you to any and all who give thought and prayer and even if it doesn't seem it, I do appreciate and care. <3

I'm going to also add in that as much as I would like to know that Christianity is true, I can't help but wonder if I'm getting it all wrong. I know as a Catholic there's same basic roots to the belief, but I think what keeps me to still want to believe it is the fact that I'm scared of any changes. When you think and view things one way all your life (or at least a good portion of your life), once you realize so many of it may not have been as beneficial (I say this lightly and not in a superficial way, even if it may seem so) to you after all. I thought so much of a lot that I believed of myself and those around me and that left me angry. So honestly, I don't know what to do with that. I'm afraid of disappointment again.

This is just what happens when one wants to be optimistic in life. Now we know why optimist don't last quite as long as the pessimists in this world. Like Billy Joel sings, only the good die young. I'm just so tired. I don't like the person I became at all and I'm not seeing much hope for it.

Don't bother reading.

Here I am. Again. The negative person that I'm sure most people here are tired of. I'm tired of her, too.

I know I keep shifting as to what I would end up doing which includes here. I'm honestly just close to the end of the rope on just about everything. I think I should just share one thing before anything.

I first would like to say that over all, I appreciate the fact that I got to spend quite a bit of time on here. It gave me mixed feelings and I'll admit that I felt uncomfortable on many levels when it came to connecting and simply the vibe that this place can have. I do say that because of sticking around, it's made it quite worth it since there's been some things that kept me either in a better mood or simply a reason for me to stick around for that night, week, month even. I'm glad that even if it may not seem so, I was able to see some sort of connection when it comes to others. It's been relieving and it served a purpose.

Having said that, I know that I can't get that temporary high or fix from what other people have to say just the same as to what I could ever share that might interest others. I've contemplated on whether or not to share certain things I have experienced and sometimes I have to remember that I even experienced them, but I think it would cause conflict in of itself and it kept me afraid of sharing them. In the end, I don't think it matters. I think maybe it's something that should be kept for me and somewhere along the line it would help. Shoot, just from the beginning of this year I had serious doubts (not that I don't have them, I most certainly do but there's also assurance which can't be explained either) and truth be told that I don't know where it would end up leading me. I remember nights where I would just about cry myself to sleep wanting to desperately know what truth may be out there (this was from a while ago). Now I just have the problem to over think. It really doesn't help since the nights are going to be longer that this is going to be more of a problem for me. Restless nights just thinking about what would happen within the next week and if I would still be alive. I feel like that feeling has been more intense than ever lately and I may not even have that much time. Who knows.

What's troubling me the most is the fact that I'm not what I wish to be. I failed on every aspect that which many are noticeable but then there's just things within myself as well. No motivation as well as attempting but still failing. I'm too screwed up to the point I don't think I can be fixed. I wish badly and I think that contributes a lot with my depressive thoughts and whatnot but it can't be a quick fix. I don't think there is any fix. Some things I've struggled with for so long and nothing was said. What's stopping me from having full assurance really is the fact that it's going to take what ever I really have to know if it is true and I feel like I can't afford to be disappointed anymore. It's going to cost me on losing it as well. I've brought nothing but shame and destruction. Everything that one could ever think is normal or good from my outward appearance and upfront is not what it truly is and I'm sorry if I ever gave wrong impressions to anyone.

So like I said, I don't know what is going to happen from here on. I've been staying since I need the company and now that it's sinking in with how messed up I truly am, it's almost unbearable. I don't know what to believe and I don't have the intellects to just know and make up my mind. So much rambling, but this is barely even the surface of it and I just need some place to rant before I go.

So... Thank you. You all have been worth it. My stay has been worth it.

darling girl, we are all, each and every one of us, messed up failures.

that's why God sent His Son to us. ♥
He alone is capable of cleaning up the messes we make, and are.

it's okay to own (as the kids say nowadays) your own messed-up-ness.
in fact, it's necessary.
only when we can do that are we ready to say, help me, God! i can't do it!

only God in Christ can love us, forgive us, and free us from all that troubles us.
come to Jesus...to the Gospel of peace...
confess your need...absolute dependence on the grace of God in Christ.

He will never turn away a tired, sinful person (and that's everyone)
who comes to Him for help and relief.
just come to Jesus.♥

Thank you. But honestly, I think I truly am done. The messed up I'm talking about is beyond repair, mainly psychologically (though I guess it doesn't take much to notice that either).

I appreciate the support. But I think enough has been done.

What you are saying is what we all have known at one time or another in our life.
That is why Jesus took the cross, so we can in Him, die to flesh, and in Him, be born into His spirit.
This is the work being done in you right now, so do not dispair, praise God, knowing that the joy of salvation is with you already.
Being done with flesh is what we are all called to in Jesus, put your trust and faith in Him, so He can bring the joy of what is eternal in you.
You are in my prayers in Jesus.


Hugs and God bless
pickles

I'm praying for you,in Lord Jesus name,Amen

I literally feel so tested and I don't even have to do much to have this happen. Apparently earlier today there was a bomb scare in the upper side of town and a few blocks were blocked off. Between that, apparent issues rising when it comes to some neighbors and a few other folks along with all of this. I'm scared enough to even go anywhere. Thank you for the prayers guys.

Oh sweet, sweet, sister Thank you for being here again today. You just don't understand how much I understand the feeling oh hopelessness. If you'd like some idea my testimony is posted here, but I got to the point that even WITH a great wife, family, two kids, good job, and everyone on my side I got to the point I thought about killing myself every 5 minutes. I wanted nothing more than death. The only reason I didn't cut the wrist of my numb lifeless arm was because I knew there was no man that could love my sons like their own father (just like us). That was it, not my dad, wife, brothers, sisters, no other reason seemed good enough. I broke, totally broke. Exactly 1 year an 1 day ago Jimmy Rogers realized he could no longer handle this world, I promise I came to the grand conclusion "I QUIT", I couldn't do it anymore and died right on my bedroom floor. But He picked me up, and He can pick you up too sister, just keep asking. We love you, stick around.

Prayer to u

I'm getting an interview for a job (temporary job but it's better than nothing) on Monday and we may in fact end up moving, which I'm hoping it's going to be good despite that it will be in the same city. Thank you guys! I feel so happy right now.