Addiction, antipsychotics, everything is spiralling downhill

Thanks for the prayers guys, I feel like I have been told to wait which is so hard, I am not sure what to do. I tried to muster up faith and what not, and I still have to wait, and a long time apparently. I am besieged by all these afflictions and am left trapped in my own mire and misery, it really is a torment sometimes. Today I failed again when it came to smut and I also am looking for activities to keep me busy. I am done the semester and need to do something, I want to read and do something else, perhaps repentance is coming soon. I also do not know when God is truly talking to me or if its schizophrenia, pray I could discern and get a clear revelation from God and see what happens next.

Praying for you, Fubario. When tempted keep a bible near you and pick that up instead.
Giving in to that particular temptation is bad for you spiritually, in that you don't need anymore guilt. Guilt is double trouble for any of us, but more so if you're fearing schizophrenic manifestations.
Don't know if you'll understand this medical research paper but it may help to understand that it's maybe worse than you think. JAMA Network | JAMA Psychiatry | Brain Structure and Functional Connectivity Associated With Pornography Consumption:  The Brain on Porn

Don't add to the guilt you're feeling by risking your mind. It's the most precious organ that we have. Put your brain first and keep trying to find educational things and of course your Creator's Words. Only He can wash our minds out by His Word and prayer.

Don't give up hope when you remember that He is interceding for you as well as others here and elsewhere.

Do you have a bible believing church that you can go to? A sane one. You know, one that's down to earth - not lots of talk about demons in Christians -- not hysterical nor preaching prosperity $tuff ? Just a peaceful place where only the Word is preached and the music is calming?

Take good care, friend - you're in prayer!

i'm sorry if i told you to wait. i really apologize to such. if schmeople got you surrounded we cheer for Christ to carry you to safety. we hope angels are working on His Side.
please walk when there's a door.
we pray i am not in your way. also, please Believe Christs Kingdom..! thank you. i hope i am not blaming you.
so "hindrances, obstacles"?
PROCLAIM CHRIST.
please don't be stuck in loads of porn.
THE SPIRIT SAYS COME.
"THE CROSS YELLS FREEDOM"
NAME OF CHRIST IS FOR YOU!
(if GOD IS FOR YOU..........)
HOSIANNA
HALLELUJAH

if something is talking to you...
does it say it loves you?
does it say it loves you?
please read 1 John 4

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."1 Corinthians 10:13

Not sure about this, but I have been and have gone beyond lots of thresholds, and I am not sure where I am now. I had a good day today until I messed up, and I feel even worse now physically my brain is all out of tune and imbalanced, I need healing really badly but God won't give it,

Wow, what can I say. But, I'm going to say something because maybe you might find some small shred of help in my words.

I've been pondering this passage for a while now:
Matthew 10:23 (Matthew is one of my favorite books in the bible, along with Job)
But when they persecute you in this city, flee ye into another: for verily I say unto you, Ye shall not have gone over the cities of Israel, till the Son of man be come.

It seems that to flee is ok, even proper in the right situation. I don't know the whole truth of the matter that is why I've been pondering it. Some questions come up in my mind like: When should a man flee? How much should a man tolerate before he flees? What if loved ones won't come with me when I flee? Is it ok to leave loved ones behind when I flee? The list goes on...

I’m not saying you should flee and I don’t know if I would, but if I was in a similar situation fleeing would be constantly on my mind because I would want to escape the drugs and the problems they cause.

Which brings me to my next statement:
I've seen supposedly safe drugs turn normal people into emotional wrecks. And my best friend who was doing fine, suddenly died during a period where the doctors were giving him many drugs and changing out the drugs constantly.


Does this upset you? Why? I ask this because many people have become upset with me when I tell them the drugs are killing them or that drugs have hurt my friends.
Just because the doctors give you something doesn’t mean it’s going to help or be good for you, and just because their doctors doesn’t mean they know what they’re talking about. Please read ‘Mark 5:24-34’.


I take a different approach to healing, Prayer for absolutely certain, but then I also look around me for what God has already given me for my healing since:
Isaiah 65:24 - And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear. - I bring this up and even draw it out of context in the Bible because in my life the Lord seems to have already answered my prayers before I prayed. Though, I usually can’t see his answer until the appointed time even when it is blatantly in front of me.

So, let’s look at some of the more obvious answers to prayers for healing:

2 Kings 20:7
And Isaiah said, Take a lump of figs. And they took and laid it on the boil, and he recovered.

Ezekiel 47:12 (please read the whole chapter and even the surrounding chapters)
excerpt: and the fruit thereof shall be for meat, and the leaf thereof for medicine.

Herbs are amazingly healing, along with acupressure, and oxygen.

Enough of my long post, God Bless and keep your eyes on Jesus.

that wasn't you messing up. enemy undeity or what to call "a black hole" bit you again. at a time "found appropriate in it's darkness for light untimelyness" to blame you.
you're washed clean.
you're still fine when you're back with life. get out of, get away from psychiatry lie. then fight back. say Jesus Christ all the time.

Not going to lie, everytime i want to rebel against psychiatry, I feel rebuked by God. Then again, I do have delusions and psychosis, so which one is God and which one is my mind. The psychosis is caused by the devil by the way, its spiritual because i have had voices tell me they want to ruin my life and I wonder what God is doing.

Its like Job, severe in health but not in material objects, and I wonder still, seems like God's quiet and I am very tired. I made a bad choice today, not like caving in to temptation, but i was offered something and I went backwards, I regret it now. I hope I get another chance and restoration.

before you is love. He's Healer

Dear one, I can't understand what you are going through as I have never really had to deal with a mental condition as you having to deal with. But I will say this: scriputre tells us that God is not in the mist of confusion. The state of your mind is conflicting with what God's word says about Him being Lord over all. To me, that states, that no matter what, God IS in control of your life. At this point in your life, if you have done all you can do to stand(as scripture states), then what you need to do now, is just stand. Stop trying to do this in your own power and let the power of God overtake your mind. The one thing that God will not allow is for His glory to be given to another. In other words, He is not going to share His miracle working power with that of another human being or thing(drugs, therapy, money, etc.). In order for you to get your healing, be still and wait on God. He is God and Lord over all, that includes your mind. No matter how the situation looks at the moment, God is the One still on His throne and He will take over, once you get out of the way!

Blessings.

I got some healing, praise God last night. I am feeling much better today and I am watching John Piper talking about Job, its so encouraging. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqFNPFEvmAk&list=PL9459F262DEAFE874

Thanks so much for your prayers, I am making progress.

"they might be tens of demons. they might be hundreds." "they might be claiming at you, which sorta explains sensation of being rebuked there."
the bad part is the shrink might be a devil.
we assume an angel forced explanation from attacker
God might be demanding love. it might be a rough walk some places. "left foot, right foot, back to life. left foot, right foot, back to life...."

Its tough but things that are good are happening, I am still deluded, so pray I could escape psychotic symptoms and delusions with Christ and without medicine.