Suicide is an oppression and a spirit, but when the Holy Spirit touches your own spirit, He activates a supernatural grace to praise and worship, and experience the genuine joy of the Lord. Several things are needed here, dear sister, and i promise you those horrible thoughts and feelings will go away. I used to have extremely dark suicidal thoughts but the Lord took it all away.
1......cry out to God begging for the Holy Spirit to touch your inner man, ask for his anointing in your life.
2......grab your bible and keep repeating psalm 23 outloud at least 20 times, until it sinks down into your mind and heart
3......if there is anyone you're holding captive in your heart with grudges and unforgiveness, set them free, Forgive everyone!
4......ask the Lord to help you wear the fullness of his spiritual armor and to renew your mind
5......put on worship music and immerse yourself into the presence of God, allow words of praise to come out of your lips, strive to live in the presence of God, not outside of his presence, not accepting the oppression but rebelling against it.
Above all else, know and receive that God loves you deeply and that He has wonderful plans for your life, trust in Him.
With God everything can suddenly change in one instant, and He moves suddenly, do not despair but keep your hope.
God bless you.