H
Thank you all for your prayers. Unfortunately my wife has hardened even more and does not want to stop what she is doing and reconcile. It breaks my heart because she has known and heard the truth and has walked away to do what she is doing. She has come to me in tears and we prayed together. She said she knew she needed help and asked why she was so hard. We went to marriage counseling recently and she said to pray for her as she knew what she had to do, then went right back to this jerk Now she has returned to the world and says she doesn't need help. She was even brazen enough to take her boyfriend along when she was invited for coffee by her pastor's wife. She has the backing of her family and they don't even seem to know that she has slipped back into alcoholism or that this relationship is WRONG even without me in the picture. It is still at minimum, fornication. My wife has a handicapped daughter(in her 20's) that her parents are raising. But they are in their 70's. They soon will not be able to care for her and how can my wife do that if she is not grounded in the Lord and stable. I dreamt about being reconciled last night and how happy that "step" daughter was for this. Yet woke up to realize it has not happened. I understand my wife trying to escape the hurt of her past including the hard times we had in the marriage. but she has gone straight into the devil's arms to do it. I am not sure how to pray now other than for her repentance and deliverance, (definitely a spiritual battle), and for my healing because this hurts right to the very core of my being. Yet I know God is here with me. I know He loves her too but there is a consequence for her for walking away if she is saved, because He won't stand for it. Or if she is not saved, I don't want to think about that if she doesn't repent. I don't think I am better than her as we all need forgiveness for sin. I have asked her forgiveness for what I did wrong in the marriage and I know Christ forgives me for all of my sin. Hopefully she will too. I have already forgiven her but that alone does not take the pain away. It's like watching someone slowly commit suicide and you can't stop it. But Jesus can. Please pray that God reaches her and saves the marriage, soon. Also pray for God's protection for my mind as the nights are just brutal for me. I do not want to be alone ( I know I am not with Him) so please ask Him to lead me forward and eventually bring someone into else into my life that loves Him first, and will be faithful. This is not my first desire, as I know this marriage could still work, so this request is only if it is not to be my wife with me. Pray that no matter what, His perfect Will be done in this whole situation.
