Hassle me if you will, I don't care abymore

I will not explain except that I really just want to die. I'm tired of hurting. I'm tired of running and always bein found. I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of failing and being so messed up. Tell me I'm precious. Im chosen. I'm a royal priesthood. It doesn't mean anything to me except more pain when you really find out who I am. I'm welted now. Only a miracle with keep me from my knife and my medicine chest tonight.

please do not hurt yourself.

things do get better.

I CAN SO RELATE to your pain. I have break downs fives a day.

I feel like I can not do anything right.


this is what I KNOW for sure God HAS A PLAN FOR Booth YOU and ME.

Let's both stick the good things he has in store for us

I will if you will

Promice

I know those things don't make a person feel any better when down,
but keep in mind, if you can, that you feeling lost, does not mean God has gone away.

Whether you are willing to admit it or not, the fact that you made this post, means some part of you want to live.

Jordache, I wish I knew what I could say to help you .
I know the struggle when one is in pain all the time can make one want it all to stop To cry out, please, help!.
I know only that you are a blessing to me here, for you have many times shown that faith is so powerful in Jesus.
I see in you as well a heart full of mercy and care, I know this because when one has the gift of mercy, one also knows and sees the pain in others.
Jesus said ",in the world you will have tribulation, but take courage, I have overcome the world!"
It is in these words, that Jesus tells us that life is not about being perfect, but that in Him, we can overcome anything life brings us.
Because He has already overcome it!
Please do not give up Jordache, I would miss you so much, you are trully a gift in Jesus.
Im praying for you right now and will continue to.

Hugs and God bless
pickles

Father in heaven, in Jesus Christ is Lord, I set Jordache before you with praise and thanksgivng.
I ask Father , please comfort her, please give her the streangth to continue.
Please hear her cries, see her face, know her sorrows, wipe away everysingle one of her tears.
Let her know you are holding her close to your heart dear Jesus.
Cover her in your grace, and fill her with your healing love.
Tell her it is ok to dispair, for you are beside her and share her sorrows, her pain.
You morn with her.
That you have never left her side, and you hold her close always with your right hand.
Father, bring her your love as the father she so desparately seeks.
May she feel safe always in your care, and rest in your protective arms.
May she know that crying may come in the night, but joy shall come in the morning.
That you are and will be the delight of her heart.
Set upon her a peaceful a sweet sleep.
May the morning bring her word of your unfailing love, for she has put her trust in you.
I thankyou Lord Jesus, I thankyou Father, for I know she is in your care.
I praise you Father, for you know all she needs and fills it.
All glory, all praise is yours Lord Jesus, God Our Father.
Thankyou and Amen.


God bless
pickles

Jesus loves you!

2 Corithians 4:18
So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

My prayer is this verse will rule in your heart and mind!

In His Love, Shekaniah

I will pray for you Jord. Listen to the song 'He will carry me' by Mark Schultz, I hope it helps. God bless

I feel powerless and worthless. I only bring pain to the world. Sure people love me, but if I were gone they'd be sad for a moment and get over it. They would be better in the end.
I don't want to kill myself. I want to hurt myself and I just want to die. I don't want to hurt people anymore. I don't want to live the inevitable cycle of my life. It's too much.

I feel powerless and worthless. I only bring pain to the world. Sure people love me, but if I were gone they'd be sad for a moment and get over it. They would be better in the end.
I don't want to kill myself. I want to hurt myself and I just want to die. I don't want to hurt people anymore. I don't want to live the inevitable cycle of my life. It's too much.

Thoguh I do not know you apart from seing you here, I am still fairly certain that you mean a lot to some people where you live, and they would not be "better off" without you.

I know the thought you are having, and I can assure you, the devil is using it for what it is worth to him. Don't listen to him, he only wants you to be miserable. Turn to God! I think He would rather have you cry and yell at him, than give up on Him. And I assure you He will NEVER give up on you.

No matter what you have said, no matter what you have done, or not done, you are his precious child, and nothing and no one has the power to take that away from you. He wants you to seek Him so He can show you His plans for you. And I know that sounds like nonsense when even tomorrow feels years away, but He does have plans for your future, and He does not want you to be in pain.

I feel powerless and worthless. I only bring pain to the world. Sure people love me, but if I were gone they'd be sad for a moment and get over it. They would be better in the end.
I don't want to kill myself. I want to hurt myself and I just want to die. I don't want to hurt people anymore. I don't want to live the inevitable cycle of my life. It's too much.

You are NOT powerless when you belong to Christ. People care more than you realize. I do, and I don't even know you. Surely those who love you do too.

I pray that you will continue to let your pain out here rather than harming yourself. We're listening. We're praying and we definitely care.

Hi Jordache
It was like a flashback when i read your post, as i posted something similar about 6 months ago. And even then that wasn't the first time i'd felt that way. I can relate to what you said, i have lived my life with a lot of regret, over both hurts i've given others, and hurts that have been given to me. I don't know your exact situation, but i do know that i have persevered through each time i've wanted to hurt myself, or to give up all together.
I've thought that if i died people would hurt for a short time and get over it. And not even a lot of people. I can probably count on one hand the number of people who would be truly, significantly hurt if i died. And its always been that way. But somehow i always pushed through. And be honest with yourself. If someone you cared for and loved died, would you just hurt for a short while and get over it? Or would you carry the pain of losing them the rest of your life? You know you wouldn't just get over it, and neither would the people who love you. You would put a permanent scar on their hearts.
Then, less than a year ago, i signed up for CC. At first i just came on to make friends, as i have no friends where i live. I surfed the forums for a while, but eventually i started seeing areas that i could relate to others. They were hurting in ways i've faced in the past. Or faced with choices they didn't know how to make, but because of my experiences i was able to speak to them. At first i was a bit of a jerk about everything (or so many of my CC friends have told me, haha) but over time, between working some things out with God, and Him helping me look past my anger and hurt, my advice became more centered, less gruff. Now i have people come to me and call me 'wise' or things like that, because of my answers. I saw that not to brag, i don't think i'm wise at all. I'm just your average nobody, but i do have experiences to share that can help. And in helping people its helped me.
Sometimes we have to look past our own pains. And before you assume that i'm all better now, i'm not. I still get depressed, still get angry, discouraged. Sometimes i still see nothing good in my future. But now i'm a strong person. Because i didn't take the easy way out. I stood up and fought. And yeah, some days i am sick of the fight. But those are the days you just have to trust that God will carry you through.
I don't know your situation. But you can't beat anything if you sit by and let it keep happening to you. Do you want to hurt the ones you love? Or do you want to show your enemies that they can't win? Get (righteously) pissed off, stand up and take action to change whats going on in your life. And if you can't change the situation, then you can still change how you allow the situation to affect you. Some days you'll dominate, other days you'll stumble and fall. But get up, and don't let anything or anyone make you feel that you're anything less than what God made you to be. You can't see it right now, but you're better than this, than this situation, than how you're feeling. I just hope that somehow or another you can learn to recognize it.
Some of my favorite people are people who have felt like you feel now. Because they have so much to offer once they get level. A lot of the time they end up being better people than the people i meet who never experienced these kinds of pain. Going through these things makes you appreciate who and what you have, makes you more wise, caring, compassionate, giving. Or it can make you more jaded and bitter. You choose. Its not chosen for you. I hope this helps you in some fashion. Take care.

Jordache, Are you a born again Christian?

-------edited---------. Put your problems into proper perspective.----edited------ There's problems in life for sure. God will see you through them. You learn and grow the most in adverse times, not so much in comfortable good times. So count it as a blessing that you're being tested. God loves those he chastises. -----------edited--------

Canadian, you may think you are doing the righteous thing, but you need to take a hike. You do not know me. You do not have a clue what I've lived through. So, in as nice a way as I can put it. Responses like yours are truth attached to a whip. There is no love there. I don't want your sympathy. But if your gonna slap me around with your truth, then find someone else to mess with.
I am a Christian with severe PTSD. In addition, I have genetic condition which makes my life very complicated. I have lived through abuse that most couldn't dream of. My older sister and I were raped from infancy by our father who would laugh at us and hold us down if we said no. I've have been in charge of caring for my medical needs and taking care of my brothers since I was 8 years old. My mother has called unrepeatable names. She has encouraged me to sleep with gobs of men because as she put it, I was a tease.
I have no parents. I have never understood what a man was, have been terrorized by dissociative flashbacks, gone weeks without sleeping because I awake screaming, etc. I lived my entire life with a target. I have been disposable and called the jezebel. I became a Christian at 13 and it took me several years to understand that actually were good men. I had absolutely no idea that there were men in this world who
protect you rather than take you for all they could get from you. It took years before I could see God as a Father. Excuse me if you think I'm pathetic. It's rather difficult to determine a definition for something you have no experience with.
Until about 3 yrs ago I had a limited vocabulary. I could not say "man", "body", or "touch". They made my skin crawl because I only knew them in one context.
Until a yr ago, I could not even fathom myself as a child. I never was. I was birthed with all the responsibilities of an adult. I never got the chance to feel precious. I never got the chance to feel valuable for anything other than my body. I never knew myself as anything other than a sexual object who was at the whim of men. So, excuse me if I'm messed up. I've only admitted to what went on with my father within the last year, at the same time my husband had a complete breakdown and sat in a hospital for 5 months.
I'm in the middle of an ugly divorce from a violent husbands who thinks I'm the cause of all his problems. My father has less than a yr to live, and while it may seem logical to care nothing about him, I still care that he's dying. I also care that he refuses to admit one abuse though several people witnessed it. As of January, I was disowned by he and my stepmom.
My mother isn't dying but she thinks she is and tells me constantly how horrible of a daughter I am. She is ill, has no friends, and is constantly angry with me for putting up boundaries with her.
I know truth, but it doesn't feel like it applies to me.

That's terrible. But the thing is if you keep living your life looking threw the rear view mirror you'll crash every time. Forget the past, it's over. All you have is today. And forget the future. All you have is now. You can make it into something good now that your painful childhood is long over. They victomized you once. But if you harbor it it will victomize you your whole life. Don't give those jerks that satisfaction of ruining your whole life. They had there shot, and what didn't kill you only made you stronger. Now you can move on and make any kind of life that you want for yourself. But I am sorry to hear all that. Sounds pretty crazy. But you got to move on now. God doesn't want you to waste your life worrying about the pain of the past. I'll pray for you tonight ok. Bye

Thank you for your concern, but unfortunately, the church tends to lean towards a very unhealthy perception and dealing with pain. There is a man who authored a book called "emotionally healthy spirituality". The idea is that one can not be emotionally unhealthy and spiritually healthy. In order to become emotinally healthy you cannot just look past the past. 1. Know yourself that you may know God. This sounds wry mystic and new agey, but this isn't what it means. It's about paying attention to yourself and the way you react and respond because if you are not honest with finding out why you are the way you are, you cannot know God fully. In other words, if you are denying things in yourself, then you cannot be truly honest with God who is the only one who can make you whole. 2. Go back so that you can go forward. Our societal norm is denial. We have to go back to process our pasts without denial. This is not an easy task. Without processing the past, we can not move forward.

Jordache, it took me many years to find peace with my past, trying to figure out how to see or place my father and what he did.
The scars and injuries so great, I wondered often if there was anything left to see in me, for I always felt I lost myself somewhere along the way.
Jesus kept me going, but I struggled as I believed I had no value except in what others demanded of me, unless I was needed, I was nothing.
My life has been filled with alot of inury and sorrow, but Jesus has brought me though it all, and turned those sorrows into joy.
And given me peace with my dad, and all the others that brought injury.
There were several points where I wanted to die like you do, I was just tired of the pain, there was nothing left in me.
But I came to see these time where I was so empty, were the times that Jesus set His greatest healing in me, for when one is empty, Jesus fills with His love and grace.
I know what it is to lay on the floor, so broken and in so much pain I could not even cry out.
But in time, I learned to praise God.
I know it sounds redicules, but it is trully the mirical I sought in Jesus.
I remember the first time, I was so ready to give up and die, but the scripture, give unto the Lord a sacrifice of praise was set before me.
So I figured, what have I to loose, Ill obey.
Well the long and short of it is that Jesus lifted me up out of the muck and mire, and filled me with His healing love.
Some things were healed right away, some things took time and many more nights of crying out to Him.
But since, Jesus continues to heal.
The scripture ( He shall bring you through many waters) is sorta the hope I cling to, simply because many waters means the effects of the world and those that seek to crush kill, destroy and confuse.
Jordache, I do not know if sharing this helps you at all, you might even be dissmissing everything Ive said. I know as I did myself when I was so broken.
All I can do is share my heart with you in Jesus, in the hope that His love will be witnessed to you, and pour out upon you.
Because thats all one can do, is their best, and trust Jesus to make it all good and fruitful.
I just want you to know that I see in you a gentle and careing soul, who wants only to stop the pain, not just for herself, but for others as well.
I see a barely newborn heart, so timid, yet filled often with a desire so overwhelming, that you barely understand it yourself.
But there is a hunger in you to not just have healing and love in your own life, but to bring this to others who have been injured.
I see Jesus bringing you to be a warrior for those like you who had no one to fight for them, and a life that although will still have sorrows, will be filled with a courage, streangth and grace that will bring the message of Jesus's healing love to many , and a steadfast heart in Jesus that will sustain you through any trial.
The love of Jesus shines brightly in you, let Jesus bring His work to compleation in you.
It is painful right now, but pulling of the bandages so the wounds can be cleaned and properly cared for hurts.
Let Jesus bring His healing in you, for you have nothing to lose, and so much to gain in Jesus.

I continue to pray for you, because, you are my sister in Jesus.
In the love of Jesus.
sending huge and gentle hugs
God bless
pickles