I honestly... have no idea what to do with myself anymore. Do I fight? Do I give up? Do I die? Do I escape this place? Do I stay here? Where do I go? So many questions. Why am I alone? You can probably see where I'm coming from by now. Please pray for me. Also, please pray that this Spiritual Warfare that I've been stuck in since I decided to follow Christianity calm down it's tearing me apart. I'm a broken woman at this point and I am desperately seeking prayer.
I don´t have your answers. I´m also seeking mine and, as long as I lived as "Christian", I found eternity boring (particularly thinking I would be in a temple worshipping a GOD a cannot not see and rarely feel).
I thought life was meant for self pleasing. I thought life was meant to feel my viscerality, my drives, my dreams; but this life doesn´t spin around what I thought and I´m contend with it (less pains, btw).
I thought it could be so boring, I belived it was worrying and borried and, if I ever be granted the PRIVILEGE of being taken above or next life (because i don´t go to heaven neither to hell:
I´ll be taken, the place I liked or not) I have a name and a person I want to have next door.
Why am I alone?
Are you alone? How do you defined?
Is it not having those you liked or those you would have liked to be in contact with?
Is loneliness real or emotionally real?
Why alone when there is such an amount of people out (and inside) waving you (and me) to receive our attention?
I don´t know when I will be passed away, but I know you by name.
Love you, little sister.