I really need help

Hi to anyone who happens to read this. I apologize if it's a bit lengthy. I really could use some major prayers from a lot of people. Lately I have been in the depths of something black and awful. I actually think I'd like to explain for anyone who has time to read it and pray for me.

So as a kid I was introduced to porn. I was around 10 I think at the time. I had a whole empty bedroom full of it under the bed. Needless to say I was curious and so I looked at it. A lot of it. This went on for several years. As a kid, I still didn't understand what I was looking at, but it fascinated me. I even got kicked out of school in 5th grade for having porn on the bus.

By the time I was 13, I already knew how to masturbate (actually I kinda knew before the porn as weird as that might seem). Anyway, at 13 I was given a brand new PC and an internet connection, both in the privacy of my unsupervised room.. The internet seemed much more dangerous back then in retrospect.

I would download porns form Kazaa and half the time the name of it wasn't even what you got. Many times a lot of the stuff was very.. I dunno how to say it. Needless to say, My head was filled with thousands of images that would make me sick, images I can't erase, but I would continue to see as I was trying to find what I wanted. I mean they literally made me sick some of em. Dunno if anyone has seen faces of death movies before, but it was akin to that.

Anyway, I had steady access to porn from then on out. Around 17-18 I started dating more and was sexually active at this time, dating girls my age, all the way up to 30 years old, and never a relationship that lasted long. I tend to be too jealous I think, I'm not sure. Anyway, my porn addiction would fade in and out over the next 5 to 7 years and at 25 I actually kicked it for about a year and last year I had kicked it for about 4 months after finding CC.

Well lately, these cravings have been hitting me harder than ever and people, I am so fed up with this. I am soooo f'in sick of it. It makes me sick to watch (literally) but for SOME freakin reason I HAVE to watch it. And for what? In the end it's 6-10 seconds of self-gratification and I'm left completely devoid of anything good inside? It's disgusting and I'm disgusting.

When I was still heavy on drugs (clean for almost a year now), I was not a typical addict. I was what they called a poly-addict. I binged on any type of drug on a regular basis with very little break in between. it seems my porn addiction followed suit. I am good for a while and then BAM, this f'in darkness comes from nowhere and levels me.

I don't understand why I can't say no. I kicked drugs like it was nothing, but this? Nah this is something different. I simply CAN'T. SAY. NO. And I will binge for hours at a time, not even turned on by it! Just looking at it sickly and going over in my head "shut it off, shut it off" and cussing myself like a worm. I can't stand it. Maybe some others can relate to this hollow emptiness that follows and then the wave of depression that will overtake you. I can't stand it any more. I have few options left as far as this goes and if I don't do something I am going to end up losing my mind completely.

Anyway, I have decided to kill my internet for at least a week, and possibly a month or more, I am not sure yet. I am on house arrest, so the internet is really my link with the world and I really don't have anyone to talk to IRL, so it's going to be hard, but I think I have to do it.

I just want want anyone out there to know that if you struggle with this addiction, I feel ya. I really hope you kind find a way out of it cuz it WILL KILL YOU. I'd rather be getting high than this garbage. Truth be told, I'd rather be dead than this garbage. I'm so sick of myself seriously.

I just need as many prayers as possible please. Please mean them when you say them, because something has to give. It really does. Thank you.

Lord, set this person free. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. John 8:36

It's going to be ok. You're going to be ok. I know this because I understand how you're feeling. I may not have gone exactly through what you're going through but I just kicked something I was addicted to.

Lord God, you are able to do exceedingly, abundantly more than we can ask or think. I ask you to intervene because you're mighty to save .

In Jesus name.

If you need a friend to talk to, let me know. I have learnt one thing through my struggle, I am not strong enough. Something that really helps me when I feel like giving in is a song by Matthew west - strong enough. Please find it somewhere.
I am praying for you.

Hello:

Im sorry to hear about your ordeal. I have a question though. Have you given yourself totally to Christ? And do you have a church home where you can get spiritual food and sound doctrine? If the answer is yes to those question, there are other things I can suggest for you. First you have to be serious about ending this porn addiction, and willing to take the necessary steps to do so. I suggest ..if you are a born again Christian,you need to go on a fast at least once a week. What you have is a demonic stronghold and you need to build up the holy spirit..while tearing down the flesh. You need to read the word of God daily. It is known that reading the word (bible) purifies your mind. You have put a lot of filth in your mind and it is not going to go away over night. Another thing you need to do is realize that you can overcome this thing.

Dont give the devil too much credit. JESUS IS WAY MORE POWERFUL than the devil. It is not even close. Therefore, you do have this addiction that was built up for years, however the blood of Jesus can wash your mind as white as snow. The devil may have meant it for evil ,but God will turn it around for your good. This will be a testimony for you ..BE ENCOURAGED!

Your problem is that you have an addiction, the same as the drugs you took before. Some addictions are ways that we hide from things about ourselves.

I don't know how you can beat your addiction. Probably that is for you to find out. You should be encouraged, though, because you have done it once (the drugs). This means that you can do it again, even if it is harder.

Look for Jesus coming to you. He may come to you in the person of a doctor, a police officer, a Church worker, or any one of a thousand others. He may speak to you directly. He may leave hints around the place to follow up.

I will give you an example. I have a health problem and am awaiting the results of some tests. I am not good at waiting, especially when I am already anxious, and am finding this a trial. I pray about it. My anxiety has not gone away. I visit two doctors, both of them tell me very positively that it is highly unlikely that I have anything to worry about. I continue to worry. Yesterday, out with my daughter and grand-daughter, and we visit a local public library to get a book for the little one. My daughter, aware of my difficulties, immediately points to a shelf with some books displayed and says "This is for you, Dad". There, in the display, facing me, is a book dealing with exactly the health anxiety issues besetting me.

Sometimes the Lord does not enter your life with a great fanfare, but in the people you meet daily. I pray that it will be so with you.

When you move to tackle your problem, and I am sure you will, remember that the Grace of God is enough to clean you. and that God knows you, and therefore understands that two steps forward and one back might be the way. He is patient, and will meet you on your journey.

Read your bible daily, and commit to that in prayer. Do that first, daily.

It might also be helpful to do one other strange thing. The "actors" you see in porn are human, like you. They too are loved by the Lord, though they may be far from Him. If you find yourself viewing porn, pray for them, that their troubles may be eased. Pray for yourself at the same time, that the hold porn has over you might be broken.

I pray that you will find the way out of this problem, and that the Lord will meet you where you are. Amen.

Consider it done.
Move.

You are in my daily prayers in Jesus for help and healing for this addiction, for the peace of Jesus, and for His victory to fill you overflowing.
In each moment of temptation, just look to Jesus for His help, and praise God!

God bless
pickles

Hi ForthAngel

We serve an amazing God His love is unconditional He is our salvation, our righteousness. The discomfort you feel is the work of the Holy Spirit that is convicting you of the wrong. You are being shown what to do that is to cut off the source of your addiction if nothing was happening then that would be the problem.

Here is how it goes ok what we feed our minds with affect our thoughts, we then take those thoughts and act upon them putting the thoughts into practice, this becomes a habit and this habit becomes part of our character that determines where we shall end up. We are called to live a life of holiness but we cannot do this from our own effort we need God to do this. We need His presence in our lives we need to fellowship with God, we need to read His word to know what He requires of us.

When you fill your mind with those influences satan is able to set up strongholds in your thoughts you need to pull them down in the name of Jesus. Remember that we have an adversary the devil this is why we are to be sober (quiet or sedate in demeanor, as persons. ) and be vigilant (ever awake and alert) because your adversary (opponent) the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour (to consume destructively, recklessly): (1 Peter 5:8)

The weapons of our warfare is not carnal but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds.(2 Cor 10:4)

Put on the full armor of God daily so you can withstand the wiles of the devil the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the belt of truth, the shod of peace, the shield of faith and hold up high the sword of the spirit! This is a spiritual warefare not flesh and blood and we are to pray always. (Eph 6:11:18)

Praise is a weapon, the blood of Jesus is a weapon, the word of God is a weapon, all authority was given to Jesus we have access to this!

Ask God to guide you to scriptures to speak into your situation. Declare out loud the promises we have tell the devil who you are in Christ.

In praying you have to humble yourself and confess and renounce for if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Ask God to pull down the strongholds of lust, sexual immorality etc on your thoughts and to bring into captive your thoughts to obedience to Christ. Ask Him to guard your heart and mind. Cover yourself with the blood of Jesus. Cover your past, present and future and every aspect of your life.

Ask God to lead you into a path of righteousness He is God and He is able to turn any situation around. Ask Him to bring into your life people who are His servants who can provide support. Ask Him to bring into your life positive activities. Ask Him to turn your eyes from looking at worthless things; and give you life in His ways. Ask Him to straighten your path in His righteousness.

Speak into your situation what you want. The Son has set me free and I am free indeed! I have been redeemed and sanctified by the blood of Jesus. Though my sins are like scarlet they are now white like snow! I am a new creation in Christ. If God is for me who can be against me. I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. The Lord is my shield. The Lord is with me. I have the victory in Christ.