I'm flopping around needing help

I will give a synopsis:

I am not sure what happened to me, I will call it a great tribulation that happened the last two months (since March), and I was under heavy delusion, meaning I was believing first of all many things such as that I had been micro-chipped and that it was the end I ran out of time, oh no!

I was wrong about that, got admitted into a hospital for psychosis (which I don't have), trying to recover from the medications provided which sort of stole my ability to think, imagine and concentrate, that part is okay.

But in that time I was resisting the devil hard, I said things I should not have said, and I have done things and even today that I regret, I have backslidden into pornography and masturbation (sorry for being so explicit) after being clean almost two years, I got a heart that devises wicked schemes, I am plain tired and exhausted after all that has happened, I am lacking emotion and I feel just tired, I want help, I would like to change, but I am acting on my impulses. I feel as though I stopped caring or feeling the emotion of care, and I would like to have it back, because I am knowing what I am doing is wrong.

I also know how to quit, but I am spiritually lazy and demotivated, I would like things done for me, and that has been my problem for many years (spoiled/entitlement).

I am wondering if anyone has any advice and also prayer requests, I am somewhat stressed out and I do not want to grow more lukewarm and licentious at all.

Thank you for reading, Fubario

More information:

I got problems using my left hand, in the sense that it is my troubled side: I tried to learn to be ambidextrous only to find out I have an addiction on my left hand side, and this side produces wicked thoughts (connected directly to my heart).

I am really tired, I'm sorry for taking grace in such a way that it is hurting my relationship, I do wish I could be sorry from my heart, I guess I am just tired in general, I feel as though I should be taking time to recover and process what has happened, but I am not sure that is a good idea.

Wow....I have nothing, but I will pray for you.

Matthew 6:
[SUP]9 [/SUP]“This, then, is how you should pray:
“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
[SUP]10 [/SUP]your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
[SUP]11 [/SUP]Give us today our daily bread.
[SUP]12 [/SUP]And forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.
[SUP]13 [/SUP]And lead us not into temptation,[SUP][a][/SUP]
but deliver us from the evil one.[SUP][b][/SUP]’
For thine is the kingdom and the
power and the glory forever. Amen

Quickly moving on; still struggling with big M addiction (please pardon my language), I saw the devil in the internet, I know there are demons of addiction/perversion, I just wish I really cared, pray that I could care more and more

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.
—Proverbs 31:8

There are two things here.

Have the doctors checked why you feel the left side the way you do? Please make certain of that.

Stop trusting how you feel. Make yourself do something that you don't feel like doing. Read a page of the Bible, pray for 5 minutes. It does not matter what. You must overcome letting your feelings dictate how you feel. Satan is tempting you by getting you to trust how you feel. Faith is more powerful, but you have to practice using it.

The Big M takes longer. We can get back to that.

Hi brother ,
I would like to encourage you to go directly to God if you have not done so with your trouble , share your raw emotions with Him, ask for His help directly at His throne .. Lay everything bare at the foot of the cross before Him in Jesus Christ .. this is what our one in one relationship with Him is about .. remember , he tells us to approach His throne with a boldness and confidence in Christ that is already assured .. God is sufficient in our times of trouble .. lifting all pertaining to you up to Him with a knowing of what He can do in it ..
In Christ

Prayers for you my friend, lots of stress you are under. May God provide your needs as only he can.God bless.

Setting you before God in Jesus's name for all healing and a close relationship with Jesus.


God bless
pickles

I give thanks because over the last couple of days I have felt more peace and even joy, and some strength returned.

Thank you for the prayers, I will try to do what kenisyes said, thanks for the advice and encouragement.

Praying that you will lean fully on Him. Read your Word, speak to your Lord Jesus, He hears you, knows you and will lead you through this. In His name. <><