Perfectionism

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Jordache

Guest
#1
#1
I have a disease. It's called perfectionism. It began when I was a child before I knew The Lord. I would cry myself to sleep just because I wanted so badly to be a good girl and I felt like I could never get there. I felt dirty to my core. I felt unbearable shame. Though at the time I just knew I was bad. As I grew up I became the classic over achiever. By 3rd grade my backpack weighed more than I did because I had to carry everything with me. By highschool I took on 10,000 tasks when I barely had the energy for one. I went to a half dozen services a week. I walked 6 miles to church. I was at youth group 3 hours early every week to set up tables and chairs, do worship and then vacuum the entire floor of a very large space by myself. I went to all 3 services at church on Sunday. I didn't know how to be humble. I didn't lone I was hurting. I became anorexic at the end of highschool and almost died. I went to college and took 21 units while working 3 jobs. I was raped and never knew it affected me because I was sure a perfect person couldn't be hurt. I dated an abusivr boyfriend and married and abusive husband because I thought my perfection could cure them. Somehow my "goodness" would make them better.
So that's the back story... But this perfectionism is killing me. I'm glad The Lord is bringing it up, but I don't know what to do with it. Please pray for me.
 
H

HeavenlyWarrior

Banned
#2
Oct 27, 2012
300
5
0
#2
Jordache said:
I have a disease. It's called perfectionism. It began when I was a child before I knew The Lord. I would cry myself to sleep just because I wanted so badly to be a good girl and I felt like I could never get there. I felt dirty to my core. I felt unbearable shame. Though at the time I just knew I was bad. As I grew up I became the classic over achiever. By 3rd grade my backpack weighed more than I did because I had to carry everything with me. By highschool I took on 10,000 tasks when I barely had the energy for one. I went to a half dozen services a week. I walked 6 miles to church. I was at youth group 3 hours early every week to set up tables and chairs, do worship and then vacuum the entire floor of a very large space by myself. I went to all 3 services at church on Sunday. I didn't know how to be humble. I didn't lone I was hurting. I became anorexic at the end of highschool and almost died. I went to college and took 21 units while working 3 jobs. I was raped and never knew it affected me because I was sure a perfect person couldn't be hurt. I dated an abusivr boyfriend and married and abusive husband because I thought my perfection could cure them. Somehow my "goodness" would make them better.
So that's the back story... But this perfectionism is killing me. I'm glad The Lord is bringing it up, but I don't know what to do with it. Please pray for me.
Click to expand...
Dear (((((((Jordache))))))), Child of God, You do not have the dis-ease of perfectionism. You are already perfect because God made you that way in all of His omniscience! Know that you can become whatever you want to be depending on how you use that which God has given unto you, your special gifts -- look for them and Behold them! If you use them the right way then you can go far. But if you use them the wrong way, with thwarted thinking, then you can end up feeling like you are less than you really are.

Life and what it is all about begins with your thoughts. When you try to establish more for yourself than your spiritual load is capable of carrying then you can surely overburden your life. What you achieved by going to church and worshiping, God has duly noted. He will surely help you for that! I am very sorry to hear about what happened to you in your private life that should not have happened. But you must move ahead now, dearheart, and square your shoulders and lift your chin up high. The past is the past and dwelling upon it makes one stymied in that part of their life. You are young and pretty and as you look towards God for your answers, He will be there to provide them. You are not alone in this.

Seek not to be perfect but to perfect your way of thinking and reach out to God who is always there. May God bless you in your efforts to step across from this episode in your life and move ahead with complete confidence in yourself and the knowingness that you are not alone in this because you aren't. God is right there beside you to help you up should you fall!

"The LORD also will be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble." -- PSALM 9:9 (KJV)
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X

xXErraticEmilyXx

Guest
#3
#3
You'll never be alone.
 
error

error

Senior Member
#4
Oct 23, 2009
1,244
10
38
#4
Ok, now i know the reason why you feel yourself so tired all the time.
It almost sounds like you need to prove somethng to someone (or yourself) -all the time.

You need to slow down. You are just a human being.
Do only important thngs-the rest can wait.

I will pray for you.
 
J

Jordache

Guest
#5
#5
At this point I don't do much because I'm not working. I go to a few services and bible studies, but only at night. I do nothing in the morning and during the day. My fatigue is related to my medical condition.
 
K

kenisyes

Guest
#6
#6
Paul was like this when he was young too, doing everybody else's plans with almost super-human effort. (Gal. 1:14). It's okay to fall off your horse. Rest and let Jesus just love you now. Use your worship gift to love Him back.
 
S

shekaniah

Guest
#7
#7
I'll pray for you as God leads my spirit...
Love in Jesus, Shekaniah :)
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#8
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#8
Jordache, I understand, I went through the same.
Abuse as a child,seems to feed this thinking.
You see, I thought if I was perfect, nothing bad would happen, but also, because I thought I had to be more than everyone else, in order to be loved at least a little.
Trust in Jesus, just speaking to this shows how much healing He is bringing to you, the day will come where you will know in Jesus, that you dont have to be perfect, for His perfect love you will know compleatly. :)
Jordache, dont try to be too much too fast, someone many years told me its all about baby steps, for one has to learn to walk, before they can run. :)
My heart and prayers remain always in Jesus for you.
Sending huge hugs

God bless
pickles
 
P

psychomom

Guest
#9
#9
Jordi. I think you know our sweet pickles said it all...!
But as a recovering self-perfectionist, too, you have my prayers
and my love in Jesus.
I had to add control freak to my perfectionism, but I pray that is not another burden to drop at the
foot of the cross of Christ. And that is what we must do, beloved.
Leave it all with Jesus, even if it has to be every few seconds at first.

grace to you, and peace,
ellie
 
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simplyme_bekah

Guest
#10
#10
Praying for you Jordache. Don't worry God is with you and he will always help his child, always. God Bless and keep walking forward. Lately I have come to complete acceptance of all that I am because in his eyes we are perfect and he is making us perfect in our faith and lives each new day that we wake up. I know he has a plan for you and he is your hope always.
 
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jimsun

Guest
#11
#11
You're already perfect Jordache - You live in the image of your God & His son - Simples! +
 
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