Prayer.. cuz suicide is on my mind..

I know here goes this guy again. I know my brothers, oh what a crybaby I am. I know many have it far worse then me, oh how many judge and how many condemn. Oh how he loves the attention. Oh why does he not get it its so simple simple it is. Oh how he does not appreciate his blessings..

I know brothers here I go again. I don't expect much out of this site other then opinions, prayers and guidance and hopefully finally get closer to God.
But time to is eternal.. I day is but eternity to me. Oh I know something must be wrong with me. I cant deny that maybe there is.. so many things unsaid, and many things I have said but not clear.. I just feel so embarrass at time to share everything.. but there is things I have to open up about.

Oh how I don't get this life anymore and how everything seems so meaningless. I know im young I know im new to this ( but not to new ) I been struggling all for a few days and suicide on my mind.. I know im wrong and all that stops me is fear of hell.. but sometimes I want to let go cuz I dont care.. all I want is peace and love and I dont seem to get it from living life.. I dont its not enough.. nothing seems to be strong enough to keep me alive.. so selfish I may say so but I feel like that.. the pain in my heart, and mind and body overwhelmed I cant seem to focus, everything seems to fall down.. I believe I believe and I pray and I pray but I still dont feel anything anything.. then its my fault its my fault because I dont trust, I dont trust and I pray Oh Lord make me trust help me with my faith but life keeps bringing me down.. I dont think its fair.. I know I know why are you so down.. but non of you comprehend I just dont think life is worth lving anymore.. I pray, I pray I pray and beg of you I just dont feel good anymore I just dont know what to do anymore.. nothing in my life seems to work anymore.. I dont get it anymore.. Im crashing, and breaking down on this site omg how weak I must look to all of you.. I beg of you to pray to the Lord cuz I feel like everything is futile now..

Uriel, do you have a mom? A dad? Brother or sister? For their sakes, if not your own or the Lord's, remain here until God chooses to take you home. I've seen the havoc suicide wreaks on those left behind......this is NOT meant as a guilt trip, just a temporary ( for right now...today) reason to refrain from suicide.

Your words remind me of the book of Ecclesiastes. The writer, who simply calls himself "the preacher", was in a search very much like your own, and came to some of the same conclusions:
“ Vanity of vanities,” says the Preacher,
“Vanity of vanities! All is vanity.” Ecc. 1:1
This word, Vanity, is also translated futility. Literally in Hebrew it means "breath of breaths". It basically means all is utter emptiness. (you see, Uriel, the Lord is saying to you, "I understand, child.♥ I put this in my love letter to you [the Bible] so you may know how I know how you feel!")
The writer goes on to say what's the point in going to work, etc, and living life? Everything stays the same anyway. From this book comes the expression there's nothing new under the sun.

The Preacher looks for meaning in life from man's wisdom, from pleasure, from possessions and alcohol and women and human acheivment, and doesn't find it. But he does decide this:
The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person. Ecc. 12:13

But you have something this man wasn't looking at: a love for God, and a knowledge that He loves you. You have a thirst for the things of the Lord, and you didn't get that yourself: it was a gift from our Father.

I am so happy you're here at this site, but may I make a suggestion? We, as much as we love you and wish to minister to you, are not a replacement for someone in person. Do you have a church? A Christian friend? I pray you do. I know others will come after me on this page and do better justice to your needs, but I encourage you to also seek out people you can see. ♥

I do not know what is happening in your life that may be stressors for you...but I am very familiar with the feelings you describe. There are some things you can try to do: eat healthily, (try to) sleep adequately, exercise, connect with people, maybe even see a doc to be sure your body is healthy.

I spent a few years trying to figure out what God was doing in my life. I searched and searched my own heart to get at what sin I was committing for which I was being punished (until a dear friend told me there were enough people close to my life who could say, "sister, you need to repent of such and such!" but there's nothing to say about that, ellie, so stop looking!) What I mean is that we will suffer, and we will be disciplined by God, but they won't always be the same thing. Sometimes suffering is just...suffering.

I also had a time when I believed God by sheer force of will, not because I felt it, but because I knew it was right. These are dark and difficult times. But God WAS there with me through it all, though I couldn't see it. It was like a trial by fire, and at the end I found my faith had been strengthened more than I could have imagined.

I encourage you, dear one, to look to God's word--His letter of love to you. Hang on to it, and to Him, as a drowning man to a life preserver.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the anxious longing of the creation waits eagerly for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth together until now. 23 And not only this, but also we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body. 24 For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. Our Victory in Christ

26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; 27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. 29 For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; 30 and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.
31
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? 32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? 33 Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; 34 who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. 35 Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 Just as it is written,
“ For Your sake we are being put to death all day long;
We were considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:18-39 NASB


With prayer and love ~ellie

Please call these people!
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255): Suicide hotline, 24/7 free and confidential, nationwide network of crisis centers.

Please call a doctor as soon as possible. It the meantime go to the store and get some Niacin (vitamin B3). This helps with anxiety and depression. You need to be careful how much you take, but you can start off with 100 mg 3 times a day with food. It will make you flush, turn red and feel a little warm for a few minutes. Dont take that much for more than a week, Tapper down the dose. If you take it before bed it can help you sleep. PLEASE talk to someone. You are too precious. Depression sucks! You can and will have joy in your life! You just need a little help finding it right now. God loves you so much and so do we!

Part of being a disciple of Christ is dying to our own desires, depression is a sign that your living your own life, your focused on what life has to offer you, when you die to yourself, you stop concerning yourself with whats most important for you and removes the inward focus, changing your whole perspective to an outward focus......depression and thoughts of suicide are because your focused on yourself, its completely an inward focus.

think about it, if you were really ready to die, then let your will for your desires die, and let Jesus live your life in your place, He will change your focus on what you can do for others, depression is complete selfcenteredness, everything about depression is selfishness, its selfishness on steroids. being willing to end your life because your unhappy is a deception of satan, who's only job on earth is to destroy you, and if he can get you to do it yourself, then he gets a big kick out of it.

FIGHT BACK! stop your mind from inward thinking, its hard but when you make the realization that depression is complete selfcenteredness then the solution is to stop thinking about yourself, notice the happiest people on earth never think about themselves, they're ALWAYS thinking about others FIRST. Think about your family more than yourself, start rebuking depressed thoughts, if you really want to die, then allow your mind to die about caring what happens to you. depression is because you care so much for yourself, and are not happy with the way your life is going.

when you reach the top of selfishness you are willing to take your own life rather than die to your own needs and desires and let Jesus live your life through you.

Praying for you brother....strength, guidance, and peace.

I really don't know what words to say that would be of much help.

One thing that might help get you away from the mental pain that you're going through is to find a service in which you can help other people. Sometimes, focusing on other people's pain will diminish ours. Why, I don't really know.

Just try taking baby steps into faith and obedience and don't expect a great revelation to hit you all at once. It's a slow process, so be patient with yourself.

God loves you immensely. That is the best revelation that will keep you going

I will pray for you and God will heal you. You have come to the right place. You have been wise. God will hear your request.

I will pray for you. I feel like I have similar problems.

Nothing of that is helping anymore!! Im going insane!! Im getting frustrated, angered, hate is control my feelings. Im still going to go to church, and I still pray, and I still read the bible and I reading your verses but its not helping.. and Im full of anger because this is not doing anything.. I know of peoples misfortutes and trials and pain. That only fuels my angel.. how this life is meaningless!!! its meaningless. I dont feel saved, I dont feel anything that any of you feel. Im really going on a trip. I just want to end all of this.. cuz God is here but he is like the wind there and its not doing much but being there.. trial I dont want to be on trial... man this is making me just furious. I just dont know what to do anymore this is not worth living.. not worth it..

Two!!! of my friends have had this same problem. One stopped by my house the other day and I could calm her with massage and soothing words. Next day I went to the doctor with her. She was given medication that stopped that kind of thinking in her. Some chemical in her brain was missing. Without her body working properly, her mind could not think clearly.

Your mind is not reasoning in a God like way. This affects the whole way your body works. If you feel that "isn't like wonderful" feeling there are actual chemicals that are activated that helps that feeling, and the opposite is true. But you have control of what thoughts you allow your mind to dwell on, if you change your thoughts you also help your body change.

God created you, you are everything that is right for you. If you only put in words of truth from scripture or words of music from God for awhile, it will help, but please, please, go check out with a good doctor if you body is functioning properly.

Heavenly Father, let your Holy Spirit be with your son all the time.

Ive taken medication before.. it doesnt help. its emptiness and anger and unfairness... all these things are making me fight life.. life is just so worthless and God is not helping.. God is not doing anything.. nothing he is doing nothing.. I see nothing from God. Its selfish I know, to cause pain for my family and friends and what not but its not enough to keep lving...

Im just honestly holding on that maybe something will happen something will change.. but nothing changes.. and Im getting sick and tired.. Maybe the evil in me is much more powerful.. and all this psychological type of help that I need to think happy things does not help.. I cant imagine.. I cant pretend, I cant lie to myself.. I cant lie and smile and hold on to something that is not doing anything.. if this is a trial I fail it then if I pray for help nothing happesn, if I pray for more faith nothing happens.. nothing nothing nothing happens.. I cant be like you brothers who can lie to yourselfs and be holding on to stuff that is not visible I need something something that fills my heart and life. cuz I dont want to live for nothing.. and living for me.. I dont care.. I live for me, this is me asking for something.. something but no.. nothing utter meaningless..

Lack of sleep, lack of water and balance diet...all play a part in brain function. As Jewliah said; B-3 will help too.
Satan will mess with you any way he can...if you are not taking care of yourself...your mind is going to be weak.

I pray that God will give you insight and wisdom, so you will take care of yourself.
May God help bring you into a healthy balance...Mind, body and spirit.
In Jesus Name, Amen

Putting on the Armor of God is a good place to start.
In His Love, Shekaniah

The Armor of God

10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

doesnt help.. ive felt like this all the time but these few days I just cant take it anymore.. Im even fasting, praying, even if I feel like this I still try to reach to God.. but then my heart goes to these verses..

16 It does not, therefore, depend on human desire or effort, but on God’s mercy. 17 For Scripture says to Pharaoh: “I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.”[g] 18 Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.

so then my efforts mean nothing? then my struggles mean nothing? so he will ignore my plea because he has this great display of his power? I cannot say not because Im a man and he is God.. because that is what I feel.. that he is just doing this to many and that is unfair in the point of view of those who suffer for his glory.. but what can we do? Nothing!! NOTHING!! WE CANT CHANGE HIS WILL!!!!

So then even if I fast even if I were to shed blood for Him.. He will do nothing.. I would shed blood for him.. but Im not willing to be empty and be like this.. feeling like He does not exist.. or does not want to help... I dont feel well anymore its uneasy to feel like this... is not chemicals in my brain, and if its selfish then its selfish of me but I need and He doesnt give.. because He wants me to do something I do not want.. I go to church, I pray, I worship, I share the Gospel (when I can) I try to be kinda and love and I try to be the best christian as possible but He still wants more.. well I dont have more.. I need of myself I need something!! and many will say I am crazy then I am crazy but the thing is that I need!! just because you can go on life like how it is.. but I need!!!

The Devil is making a shorter way for you to go to hell. Don't let him control your mind, he's a loser.
Prayers help , but u should also do your job by surrendering everything to Jesus, he will definitely will release the pain you have inside.

GOD BLESS YOU
Love You In Christ
Mary

surrendering does nothing!! oh how I hear that alot, and how I give everything.. I get the simpleness in it.. but I cant lie to myself that to me does nothing.. like how people say then be patient take the time.. time is torture in my mind.. it is not to you? but it is to me.. to me it is.. is like a thousand sharp needles making me just cut myself or hit myself so with physical pain I cant forget about the time about waiting.. and surredering does nothing.. I surrender my problems to you Lord, because I have no control. Here is my pain, he is my anxiety, here is my sorrow, here is the loneliness, here is my problems..here is everything.. and I feel nothing.. Oh God guide me cuz Im blind I dont see your ways.. your ways dont fullfill anything in me.. its like pretend water,, it does not quench my thirst, its like pretend water that does not take out this fire.. pretend pretend I cant pretend I cant f... pretend, I need.. I need!!! if satan is doing this then were is God? oh a trial? oh he is here, then God is just sopporting this devil.. this satan because he does nothing.. when I see my friends in danger in pain, I try everything humanly possible to take them out of their pain, if I see them hurt I dont just stand there do nothing, I lift them up and clean and heal their wounds.. but he is not doing anything!! he needs of me? me? a human.. but I gave everything.. He is God.. he doesnt need of me.. He is God Im a human how can I do anything were he can do everything.. it makes no sense.. it makes no sense!!!! omg Im just going crazy already because nothing happens.. if he needs then I need.. but he is God he can help me first before I can actually do something meaningful.. all of you can pretend or are blessed to have your feelings and mentality like the ones you have but I cant live with that I cant.. I cant lie to myself.. if you are ok to be in the fire then wonderful but I dont like to be on the fire.. I dont like pain I dont like this trial.. if this is a trial I will fail then send me to hell because Im not good enough.. but He needs to do something or if not my heart, mind, everything in me will only hate him again again again!! This is a cry from someone who needs His help.. because I understand none of you can change my mind or have what I want.. but then you can pray but if your prayers are ignored.. then He must hate me or something.. cuz your prayers are not heard either..

I use to have some of the same feelings.
I read the book the "Bondage Breaker"
Now I'm living free in Christ!
I pray God puts the breath of life in you!

Ezekiel 36:25 -28
I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols.
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.


Ephesians 4:22-24
You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;
to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

thank you shekaniah and thank you all.. even in my craziness in my pain I have to thank you all because all you pray..but that only fuels more this pain, this anger.. because hundreds of people pray and have prayed in the past .. way since I was younger.. but see were are all those prayers.. nothing has changed.. I have tried to change.. and Im not as who I was before either.. but this feelings are not leaving me because these feelings are me also..
I need.. and if He doesn't do anything if He cant feel me up.. (oh feelings... oh shad up already with feelings are evil) yes feelings are evil but you feel God so ... to those who are like "your being control by your feelings." Im sick and tired of that.. I feel and I feel and I will always feel.. and so to be happy and fulfilled I need to feel happy and fulfilled.. but I never felt actually happy or fulfilled.. and I changed. I changed and gave so much.. but its never enough.. but he gives nothing to me.. nothing.. so how can I change more when he doesn't give something, more motive to change..

You tell me of books and I thank you, and you tell me verses and I thank you I just want to let one thing clear I thank you.. at first it would make me mad.. but then I thought about it and you want to help.. but verses do nothing.. they do not reach me.. books do nothing its like words I only see words now.. I always thought the bible was alive.. but now I just see words.. like they have nothing but just context.. nothing more nothing less because they have not shown to be alive..

thank you all but maybe its to late.. and really really suicide is on my mind.. and if your prayers dont convince him the Loving God.. He can do everything and your trying to change me... me that I tried my hardest for him.. and ask of me more then Him.. then were is God....

Father I bind any spirits that are causing Wantingtobelieve from feeling your everlasting love...
Jesus by the blood on the cross I stand in the gap for this young man...
Fill him now with the peace that surpasses human understanding,
Remove any ungodly thoughts and patterns in his mind...
In the Mighty Power of Jesus Name, Amen

You are dearly and truly loved,
Saved by grace through faith!!!
With a understanding heart, Shekaniah