-Prayer Need-

Well, I am just feeling kinda down now. Or perhaps it is because of getting flashbacks of memories where I now see everything a lot clearer. In the end of last year I decided getting out from an earlier friendship I had with two other girls, I always thought them as good friends of mine. I also treated them as good friends, and to me they were very precious. I tried my best being there for them in times of need, I tried doing my best supporting them, I really cared for them a lot. I beleived they had the same thoughts and care for me too, but I found out everything wasn't as positive as how I thought. This came clearer in my mind during the end of last year, and I must say it was very painful for me as well.


Now; Many can say that I should just forget them and move on, as some friends come and some friends go. I understand this quote better now, although I didn't expect this to be happening with these two girls. I thought they would always be my friends.

Thing is; I didn't always catch up or I ignored any signs about the friendship being bad for me. I had learned from a Christian advicer to not look at their face expressions or tone in the voice, whenever I had an disappointment I should do like the duck. When the duck get's water over it, he shakes it off from his back, and then the duck moves on. Although I think this is a good advice to keep in mind for many times during our life time, I don't think we should ignore all kind of face expressions, tone in the voice as well as body language of people.


Before I married and moved to The Netherlands, there were several experiences I had with these two friends that weren't very nice ones. These two girls were friends since highschool, they met me much later. First they seemed all fine, but after some time they gradually changed a lot.

I used to meeting one of them quite often, she could easily be very negative, and I tried every time to cheering her up, as well as reminding her about God and what is written in His Word. This helped her gaining new strenght and faith, she did also tell that the other friend wasn't good with understanding her when she was being this way. We could also easily speak a lot about God and our experiences in Him in our lives. This is what I loved the most.

The other girl didn't had much interest meeting with me alone, only when this friend joined us. If she would meet me alone some few times she would be a lot more careful in the way she spoke, though most of the time she made excuses for not meeting with me. I beleive she started disliking me very early in this so called friendship. She was also the one who could easily insult me whenever the other one was around, or talk to me like if what I said wasn't important or that it wasn't much worth having in mind. She also treated me in a much more low level, as they are 4 years older than me, then she could fine say that they were much more mature than me. Or this is what she has told me some more times during the years I met with them.

Whenever I had some really tough times and I shared this with them, most of the time they never understood this as well as they never managed being there for me. They would rather give me more guilt feeling than really trying to build up in some way or the other. I am glad I have another good friend whom I could go to, she and her husband were of great support and help for me during my difficult times. Later on a Café where I went with these two girls, someone who had a prophetical gift shared some good things about me that did touch me very much. As well as shared about me being a lot suppressed in my past. I had to go to toilet to wash my face from the tears coming out, when I came back this person left us, and these girls said that I should go to someone with this, I told them I did already(telling about going to this other friend of mine). Then they said that they meant I should come to them. I just remained silent, didn't say anything to them. I only thought through my mind': "I have really tried this several times but you only reject me when I share such with you." I also do remember that when this prophetical gifted person shared all the good things that God has for me, these two girls didn't looked as pleased about this. They seemed more upset.

They do say they are Christian beleivers. And well, the best thing I can do is to leave them over to God's care, He knows their hearts, and only He knows if they truly love Him as much. Whenever they would get things that they meant was from God, I most of the time felt very happy for them. But whenever I got something from God, they would make fun of this as well as the other girl would look only sour. Or at least this is the way they would become when they were together. What I got wasn't as important for them, what they got was very important. They many times seemed to having a difficulty in rejoicing with the great things God brought and gave to me in my life.

Might be a bit difficult to understand, as I do had good conversations about God with one of them. But she always either remained silent or supported the other one that sometimes could make hurtful comments towards me. During the end of 2011 they both came to visit me. I was so happy that even my mother in-law said that my eyes were shining of great joy, also my husband agrees about this. I was just so happy meeting with these two friends I hadn't seen for some years already. But even at the airport there were bad signs given from them. The one I used to talking so much about God with didn't even smile at me, even her hug seemed much too stiff. And the other one didn't hug me back at all. The one who was the most dominant during the time they visited me, was the one who often came up with hurtfulm comments. And she almost all the time since they arrived looked sour at me, her eyes were not friendly. I felt as she despised me. The other one hardly talked to me at all, and if she did talk she didn't smile.

Several times they tried bringing up issues that made me feel as they wanted to test me, I beleive God helped me with keeping my patience as well as changing out the bad topics into a more positive topic, or I would respond back with kindness. Every time I did this they would look at the floor as in feeling guilty, but next time they would try again. And if they didn't bring up any topic, they would walk a bit away from me, where the dominant one would look sour or serious at me. Or she would start a conversation with the other girl, if I would give my response, she would be quiet, and then ignoring me whilst she again tried talking to the other one. They often liked to ignore me a lot if I would ask or say something to them. I the letters I got from them also before visiting me as well as later were also gradually changing, after some time I no longer looked forward getting a letter from them, as they became much more negative as well as confusing to read, I never understood where I really had them. The contact also became lesser from them.

They just were so different, everything they did and said seemed more as they tried breaking down my faith in God. They didn't manage this, as I know where I am standing with my faith in God. He is so VERY important in my life. When I finally thought everything through, I had a time of grievance. I felt very sad and hurt. But God showed me that I shouldn't pay evil with evil, but to pay evil with goodness.


Romans 12, 21: "Be not overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."


Romans 13, 10: "Love worketh no ill to his neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law."

2. Corinthians 5, 14a: "For the love of Christ constraineth us"

We have no other choice than to pay back with Christ's love in mind, and I knew this was right. I do have forgiven these two girls, I have also peace with getting out from their earlier friendship, as it all became become so toxic. Many times I can be doing fine, then I keep my mind on everything that is positive, I often do rejoice a lot in the Lord, as well as thanking Him. I do keep on thanking Him when I am also feeling low, as one can thank God when one is feeling happy as well as sad. Having a thankful attitude is also a choice, not something that is always based on how we feel. I just happen to be still having some bad memory flashbacks from this situation, and then I can be feeling easily upset 'cause of this. I do are working a lot on keeping my thoughts on what is written in God's Word, as well as reminding myself about this being now in God's care and to be moving on myself. I do beleive I will manage moving on as well as remaining in Christ's love, even for them too. I just find this still hard sometimes, and whenever these thoughts comes back to me again; I can then again feel so upset about this all. Sometimes I can feel so silly asking for prayer from people, especially when I already have the answer on how to keep on working with this. But I just had another tough moments again today about this, and I really felt the need for prayer support. I am sorry that this became so long now, I hope it bothered you too much reading all of this. I really appreciate any prayers!


God bless you!

Sorry about all the mistakes done up there. I do see quite many, and I need getting offline now. Just try "overlooking" my mistakes a little bit and look more at the main post.

psychomom/Ellie; I do keep on taking it to God. It is going a lot better with me these days, I do most of the time manage keeping my focuse right, but there are just some few times where I strongly feel very hurt again, as well as mad about the way they were towards me. Sometimes I still struggle emotionally, as well as have my worries about how they will act if I do meet them again. I do keep on taking it God as well as wanting to leave all my worries and fears over unto Him about this situation, as there is no good in keep on worrying or fearing about how everything will become later in the future.

I want to become healed and free from this before that time whenever I might see them again, and to not worry about how they will respond to me. I want to be most filled up by Christ's love and forgiveness, so that I will always be boiling over in doing good towards them and others. Always having Christ's love in mind.

Thank you for sharing about your experiences as well as your words of advice and comfort. They are very appreciated. It is also very encouraging. Thank you!

Sunflower, going through simular myself, I know the heart break and longing for the friendship to have been true and faithful in Jesus.
You are in my prayers in Jesus for all comfort and streangth during this time.

Huge hugs and God bless
pickles

Sunflower, I dont know if the newer Bibles have the book of sirach.
It is one of the books of wisdom.
Sirach ch. 6 brings alot of wisdom and understanding to true friendship.
If you have a bible with this book, I recomend reading it.
It brought me so much comfort, wisdom and understanding .
As to what a true friendship is, and how to know the false.
It helped me alot, when the ones who I thought were friends, turned out not to be.
I hope it will bring you the comfort and wisdom needed as well.

Hugs and God bless
pickles

Thank you very much too, Pickles. It does helps when others also have experienced this, helps me knowing that I am not alone in this.

I beleive I have read those parts about friendship in my Spanish bible; the Catholic version, as there they have the books that they didn't thought as important having in the Lutheran version. It sure has also given me a lot of understanding, comfort and wisdom. But when this situation was much more fresh for me, it has also been tough and saddening reading those parts about what a true friendship is, when knowing that they were a lot of the opposite. If you understand what I mean with this?

I do have also noticed many other verses in the bible where it is also spoken about how the wicked man is, as well as how the man of God is. A lot is also found in the book of Proverbs.

Thank you for sharing too Pickles. It is also very appreciated, as well as your prayers.

Ellie; Forgot to thanking you for your prayer too.

I do understand, it is like morning a death, but this is morning for what never was.
Hugs, Jesus will bring you through this.
For Jesus is close to the broken hearted.

Hugs and God bless
pickles

Abba Father, please bring healing to the areas of Sunflower's life that have been shaken. And may she bless and help others going through similar issues in the future, thank You in Your wisdom You can work this for her good! Please give Sunflower a deeper revelation and experience of being hidden with Christ in God! Thank You, in Jesus name, amen

Thank you for your prayer, Timofree. I appreciate it. Thank you, too!

Praying for you healing

People fail but God never does. An important lesson I learned from a similar experience is not to let the weeds of resentment grow in your soul....this will distance you from God .

Thank you Lucy.

No need to worry about that, I understand and know that too, Lucy. Every time I feel mad again because of what they did, I always feel very guilty about it, and then I go back to God telling Him this as well as repenting and asking for His forgiveness. I am quick to regret whenever I say or act in a bad way, like if I feel suddenly angry or bitter again, it never lasts long before I feel awfully bad and repent about it.

Also Lucy; I checked out the definition of resentment online now. I beleive you must have thought I had the kinda grievance where I was going through a angry period? As with grievance I meant that I was very sorrowful, going through a period of deppression. Some of the same grievance when people loose a loved one, I do not think they go and are angry with them because of leaving them all suddenly. Some might probably do this, though, sure.

In my case I was in the kinda grievance where I was really sad because of finding out they didn't return the same friendship as I had for them, they instead wanted to hurt me, put the blame on me, trying with making me feel insecure, and freely saying things that weren't nice to me. I have of course had my angry moments too, but I never felt very good about it afterwards.

But if you refered to something else, then I apologize for my explanation up there. Just wanted to make sure just in case you thought differently about my earlier grievance.

I do want to say that I was in this grievance period before the start of this New Year, now I am mostly "half-way" on my path of healing. I am mostly just having some few times where I get flashbacks, as I am still not fully healed, yet. But I am on my way!

-God Bless-

Just a little update:

Noticing that changes are already happening. Very happy about this, feels good to having more love as well as joy within me, and peace of mind. Or this is how I have felt ever since I woke up today, as I don't feel much fear nor worries now. So the prayers do are working very well, and changes in me are coming more through, again.