Reaching Out

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ginav

Guest
#1
#1
The man I called husband beat me and shot one of our family dogs. We had a beautiful home in the foothills and were very happy together for a time.

As a very small child he was raped by a member of his church. His father, the pastor, didn't believe him when he turned to him for help. When he became an adult he married and his wife cheated on him and got pregnant. He divorced her and had been divorced for 5 years when I met him. I knew he had trust issues, but I had no idea he would ever hurt me or kill an innocent creature.

I am out of the situation, but am very very sad and lonely. I miss my husband and the happy times we had together. I miss our life on the sunny hill. Surrounded by beautiful trees, fishing and laughing, listening to music and loving eachother.

How can one person make you experience the most joy you've ever shared with another human being and the worst pain and hurt too? I don't understand that. I know what happened was not my fault. I know he loves me and is sorry for what he did, but I can't go back. He won't get help for the rage that is in his heart. I'm afraid for his soul. His beautiful soul that I love so much!

I miss my husband. I am having a hard time. Starting my life over at 31 is rough and makes you feel like such a failure. I am ashamed that this happened to me. I feel like he took my joy away. I am not the person I was before. I am scared, anxious and depressed.

There have been 7 marriages in my church since this happened to me. Young, beautiful, joyful lives that are just starting out together. This weekend my close family member will be getting married also. I am in the wedding and am hoping I can hold it together through that. Seeing all these young couples makes my struggle harder. Why was my love bond not good enough or strong enough to save?

Please pray that God carries me through this. It's one of those things, you think, "that will never happen to me." I am still in shock at times. I can't sleep.
 
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psychomom

Guest
#2
#2
Oh, ginav! You poor, dear woman! I am SO sorry for your suffering. :(
Your love, as huge as it is, just isn't God's...I only mean that only His love is big enough to heal hurts like the ones your husband suffered as a child. (twice hurt--once at the hand of a stranger, and once at the hand of his dad.) :( Then his first wife, and who knows who else. No wonder he's angry.

NOT that that could excuse him hurting you (or the poor puppy!)--lots of people suffer and don't hurt anyone but themselves. And I'm glad you're safe. But I understand your devastation, too. My only advice is to give it t-i-m-e. I'm glad to see you're a Christian for your own sake--because God will heal this if you keep taking it to Him. I imagine you might have to keep taking it, if you're at all like me, since I tend to take it right back, sad to say.
You will certainly be in my prayers! And I know you will find wonderful, Christlike people here. I'm so glad you came! <3

Abba, Father! I come to you for ginav's sake. I ask you to comfort her, to manifest your presence to her so she knows that she knows that you are with her. I pray for her husband, and her marriage, that they might all be saved from this situation. I ask that you would send someone to her husband to help him understand what he's feeling. Please help him give up the things past, to forgive and receive your healing. Please be with ginav, and heal her wounds as only you can. I know how much you love her; please help her to see how very precious she is to you; let her see that she's your treasure, the apple of your eye! Help her to come to you, to climb up into your lap, to receive the love she's missing from her marriage.
Lord God, I believe in your ability to make things right for this couple. I know we're helpless without you, and most powerful with you, because you can do anything! Praise and glory to you, Abba! Thank you so, so much that ginav found this place. And if it is your will that she begin her life anew, I pray you will go before and behind her, and that you would show her the path you have for her. I ask that you would be her all in all, her alpha and omega, and that you would help her to see you with her in all things at all times.
In the mighty name of Jesus I ask these things, and in thanks and praise to you- amen

Dear ginav, please, please let us know from time to time (or everyday!) how you are, won't you? I pray you will be able to draw nearer and nearer to the One who loves you perfectly. <3
~ellie
 
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Ugly

Guest
#3
#3
Sorry to hear your situation, Gina
The reason your 'love bond' was not good enough to save is because you aren't Jesus. Sure, our love for others can have positive last effects, but... human love does not erase trauma and years of pain that has never been dealt with and that festers and grows. The things that plague him were around long before you. And to think that you're going to show up and love the trauma, hurt, bitterness, anger, rage, horror, shock and whatever else he has felt his Whole Life is more akin to Hollywood romanticism.
Bottom line, if he's not willing to actively seek help for all of this, and maintain it for years, then your love for him won't do much. Firstly he needs to break down and truly accept Gods love, then he needs the therapy, willingly. This is where you love would have come into play the strongest. As a support for his healing, not the cause or reason of his healing.

I know its hard, but i'm glad you got out. If he beat you and killed an animal it would not be a far jump in thinking for him to have shot you during his next rage fit. So i commend you for taking the smart, albeit still difficult out. At least you're safe.

And i know how hard seeing other couples can be. Even as i child i knew i wanted to grow up and get married. Yet here i am, 36, never married. Its difficult sometimes to hear about people getting engaged, married, or sometimes just seeing a happy couple. Like, my brother and his wife are moving to my area, and will be living with us for a bit. His wife came up a few weeks ahead of him, and she started in the role of being the cook, and cleaning up the kitchen, etc.. taking some of the traditional 'wife' roles. And seeing that has kind of reminded me of not having that in my own life. That female presence, more of a caretaker mindset. So its been tricky with her around. (and for the record, no i'm not growing attraction for her). So yeah, its rough. But you just have to carry on. Try to keep your focus on God and not the things that bring you down. Hopefully you can find some fellowship and encouragement while you're here.
 
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wwjd_kilden

Guest
#4
#4
I am sorry to hear that. I just have one thing to add to what the others have said: you are NOT a failure! It is not your fault that those things happened to him, or that he made the desicions he did,

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?
As it is written: &#8220;For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.&#8221;
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us
 
Canadian36

Canadian36

Banned
#5
Oct 20, 2011
490
1
0
#5
Well time heals old wounds. Just give it time. And if and when you think about the situation, instead of thinking about the bad stuff, just think about the good and remind yourself that you learned your most important relationship lesson from that and congradulate yourself for having the strength to get out. Dear lord please heal her and help him too amen.
 
shemaiah

shemaiah

Senior Member
#6
Jan 28, 2011
2,233
30
48
29
#6
I will pray for you. God can heal you and its not over for you, there is hope. God bless
 
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ginav

Guest
#7
#7
Thank you every one. Your words of support mean a whole lot. I am glad I decided to stop in here also. Have a blessed Sunday!
 
pickles

pickles

Senior Member
#8
Apr 20, 2009
14,479
182
63
#8
Huge hugs, you are in my prayers in Jesus for all comfort and streangth.
Your husband is in my prayers for all salvation and healing in Jesus.

Hugs again and God bless
pickles
 
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Miguel7

Guest
#9
#9
Lord of Heaven and Earth, Thank you that where Your spirit is, there is freedom. That Your Love covers a multitude of sins and that you place the orphaned into families. Guide Your daughter in the way she should go and may Your goodness and mercy follow her all the days of her life. Amen.
 
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