The Crossroads

Hi, I think this is the first time I have posted on this site although I joined ages ago I think. Anyway my name is Mal and I'm 55 yrs old married with 5 children (1 deceased 15 years ago) and only 1 son now at home. I have been married 25 years and have been a Christian (I think) since 1983. I have been unemployed since 2008 and my last job was working as a school teacher but I was bullied from the then school Principal and I reacted to the point that I was banned from the school and going anywhere near any school in my state. I was not living the Christian life I should have been. I then hit rock bottom and was referred to a Psychiatrist where I was later diagnosed with Bipolar, Dysthymia and Borderline Personality Disorder. I then had about 5-6 months of work from teaching and was transferred to another location and given medication until I recovered then I went back to work but always felt under close inspection and about 5 months later I relapsed into extreme depression (Bipolar) and then I retired from work on the basis of ill health and received a pension. I have not worked since July 2008 except for the odd day of work here and there and I now live in another state. I have over the past 4 and a half years fluctuated from medication to no medication and I have struggled with my Christian walk and often questioned the sincerity of my faith. I did go to a Bible college for 3 years, have preached in some Churches and ministered in music in some Churches and in my younger Christian days evangelized on the streets and hospitals. My life prior to Christianity was one of drug use, alcohol, military service, dysfunctional family, sexual abuse as a child. I have often battled suicidal thoughts even tonight. I live with my wife and teenage son on a small farm in a rural area. I have no work, no friends, no family nearby, no Christian fellowship (real fellowship) and I just feel that God is very far away and that He doesn't care (although I think He does) but I don't understand why things are like they are. I don't smoke or drink or gamble and I have tried to live the Christian life but have failed I know in many areas. Anyway I really need your prayers not just for me but my wife and son to. I'm at the crossroads in my life regarding life and everything. Thankyou

Jack57, do not be discouraged but I will ask did you ever receive Christ into your life? If not, do so today. Now your testimony is crazy, but even if you think God has deserted you, he has not he is there. Have you being praying, getting into the Bible, and telling people about Jesus? I am just wondering. Give all these problems to God and for others to help carry your burdens. God bless. Don't give up!

Joshua 1:9 NIV

[SUP]9 [/SUP]Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Jack...you can fully rely on God, or you can fully rely on what the world tells you you are. God tells you you are amazing, precious, loved, purposeful son of the living creator God, and valued. Decide today to live for God. BPD is a result of an early life of abuse...you can live under that name, or you can shake free through Jesus Christ. Its a name. Its NOT your name. Start today!! read the Word of God, seek out a church for fellowship & support. Pray. Study hard and imprint the promises of God in your heart. You are not defeated!! Jesus did enough...are you saved?? make sure you are, because your very life depends upon it Live!! life is precious, you have a brain, you have SO many skills....see how God will turn your life around. Think its not possible? PPppppleaaase!!! Our God is a God of the impossible!! All you have to do? step out...small step...and he will take your hand.....God Bless, <><

Hey, bro, I've been strung out and depressed too, but these days I'm clean and at peace by the grace of God. I've only been on this site for a couple of weeks. I came here looking for fellowship too. I see you've been here awhile even though you say this is your first post. I don't know why you waited so long, but I suggest you keep communicating with folks here. I also suggest you don't doubt your faith. God loves you. Don't believe the lie Satan is telling you. We are all involved in spiritual warfare. We all have trials, but keep the faith. Read the word of God! I pray God blesses you and your family.


"No trial has taken you except what is human. Now, faithful is God, Who will not be leaving you to be tried above what you are able, but, together with the trial, will be making the sequel also, to enable you to undergo it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)


"Do not fear! Only believe!" (Mark 5:36)


"Do not worry about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, that is superior to every frame of mind, shall be garrisoning your hearts and your apprehensions in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6,7)

Ditto with all said by others here.
Praying for you in Jesus, for your heart, mind and faith to be in agreement, so you will see the glory and love of God that has always been presand with you in Jesus.

God bless
pickles

Dear brother in Christ...don't give up. Ever. 'Coz the LORD GOD Who loves you will never give up on you. HE is just waiting for you, to trust HIM completely, and to believe in HIM alone.

I am moved by your struggles..to the point that you want to take your life. I've been there...countless times. But GOD has been faithful all this time, watching over me, protecting me, guiding me. Loving me for all that i am, even though i'm so broken and worthless and useless. HE has transformed me with HIS love, and now, i am walking with HIM after years of death and languishing.

I am simply at awe of HIM, specially now. The things HE is teaching me at present through HIS Word are things i want to share with you. I, too, struggle with faith. I so desire to trust HIM 100% all the time. And so, i go down on my knees to pray for this daily. I love HIM so, for reviving me. HE saved me when i was 14. But i have been spiritually dead for more than 15 yrs. It is only last month that i have been revived into HIM. And i am amazed with everything HE is revealing to me from day to day.

Just today, i've read Psalm 13. Written there is David's heart cry to GOD, as HE suffered so much, being pursued by his enemies. I've subscribed to Chuck Swindoll at Twitter. He is a wonderful pastor who shares his God-given insights on HIS Word daily. He's covering Psalm 13 now.

Psalm 13

King James Version (KJV)

13 How long wilt thou forget me, O Lord? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
[SUP]2 [/SUP]How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?
[SUP]3 [/SUP]Consider and hear me, O Lord my God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death;
[SUP]4 [/SUP]Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved.
[SUP]5 [/SUP]But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.
[SUP]6 [/SUP]I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.



Here is a link on his insights on the first 2 verses of Psalm 13. I will send you the next ones when he posts them.

Going It Alone


I'll be praying for you and your family, dear brother. I pray that you'd be blessed by his sharing as much as i was. For i have been in David's position so many times...i know how it feels to be in the dark. But GOD's love remains with us always, even though we are blinded by our pain and frustration in our trials and sufferings. All HE asks is that we have faith in HIM, even the littlest of faiths. 'Coz HE will acknowledge it and build it up. Don't stop believing that HE is your GOD, and that HE hears you, and that HE is with you to help you, and guide you, in anything and everything. Always.

Hebrews 11:6

King James Version (KJV)

[SUP]6 [/SUP]But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.


Here is a song that has helped carry me through the darkest seasons of my life. I pray that it moves you to trust our LORD even more deeply and stronger than before. HE is faithful and just, gracious and loving, awesome and wonderful to us all. Always and forever

[video=youtube;zeIGan5YD9Q]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeIGan5YD9Q[/video]



GOD bless you and your family, dear brother in Christ!! May your faith in our awesome and perfectly loving GOD and Saviour be renewed from this day forth, and may you be filled with HIS overwhelming love, joy, and peace, in the name of our precious LORD Jesus Christ, AMEN and AMEN!!!