J
Jesus, you are bigger than this. You know the beginning, the end, the truth of the present. You have every detail worked into your glorious plan. For your own reasons, you placed me in the family I was born into even when I wasn't wanted. You hid me when dad used me as his toy. You stood by me even when mom degraded every part of me. You ARE good even when I can't see goodness. I do not have your eyes.
A little over ten days after I asked my mom not to speak to me, and told her I would call her when her counselor called me, she has failed to respect my boundary. This doesn't surprise me, but the level of her overt cruelty does. In the past ten days I have been called mean, evil, a failure, and hard-hearted. I have had the Lord's will interpretted for me, her abuse excused because that's just who she is, threatened, blamed, told I cannot have friends, accused, had scripture decontextualized and thrown into my face, called a sadist,and told she can't believe she gave birth to me. I don't understand how any mother could say this to her child. It's sickening to me. In a few days I will finish writing her a letter. I will not speak to her anymore. I will completely cut her off since even when I've asked her to stop contacting me she uses fb and texting only to lash out at me without no provocation. She believes this is my bitterness, but it's not. This is me being an adult, taking care of myself, and not allowing anyone to abuse me.
A little over ten days after I asked my mom not to speak to me, and told her I would call her when her counselor called me, she has failed to respect my boundary. This doesn't surprise me, but the level of her overt cruelty does. In the past ten days I have been called mean, evil, a failure, and hard-hearted. I have had the Lord's will interpretted for me, her abuse excused because that's just who she is, threatened, blamed, told I cannot have friends, accused, had scripture decontextualized and thrown into my face, called a sadist,and told she can't believe she gave birth to me. I don't understand how any mother could say this to her child. It's sickening to me. In a few days I will finish writing her a letter. I will not speak to her anymore. I will completely cut her off since even when I've asked her to stop contacting me she uses fb and texting only to lash out at me without no provocation. She believes this is my bitterness, but it's not. This is me being an adult, taking care of myself, and not allowing anyone to abuse me.
YOU KNOW SINCE THE FALL JESUS HAD TO COME TO RESTORE US WHOLE AGAIN, SPIRIT SOUL AND MIND. THERE IS A LOT OF MENTAL ILLNESS THAT HAS GENERATIONS GONE AND GENERATIONS TO COME. JESUS HAS GIVEN US HIS PEACE IN PLACE OF THE FEAR THAT CAME UPON MAN, AS ADAM IN THE GARDEN OF EDEN. WE ARE TO HAVE THE MIND OF CHRIST." FOR GOD HAS NOT GIVEN US A SPIRIT OF FEAR, BUT OF PEACE, ORDER AND A SOUND MIND. AND LOVE. THERE ARE PROBABLY MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WITH YOUR SAME STORY. BE THANKFULL THAT YOU HAVE BROKEN THE CURSE FROM YOURSELF, BY ACCEPTING AND BELIEVING THE GOOD REPORT OF THE WORD, NOT THE WORLD'S REPORT OF EVERYTHING NEGATIVE. SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY GOD HAS ALLOWED PEOPLE TO HAVE CHILDREN. THEIR TO BE LOVED CHERISHED AND NOT CRUSHED OR ABUSED. JESUS KNOWS ALL ABOUT YOUR PAIN AND SORROW. I KNOW YOU WOULD WANT A MOM, A HEALTHY WHOLE MOM WHO COULD LOVE YOU. NOTHING THOUGH IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD. THERE IS A LOT OF PAIN, AND HIDDEN DEPRESSION, AND BITTERNESS , PRAY FOR YOU MOM. GUILT IS A TERRIBLE THING TO LIVE WITH. SHE ALSO IS A VICTIM OF THE EVIL OF SATANS KINGDOM OF DESTRUCTION. I HOPE THAT YOU AND YOUR MOM WILL ONE DAY BE FRIENDS IN JESUS NAME I HOPE THIS FOR YOU.