Thinking

Inadequate, weird, lonely, mean, stupid, no good, can't you do better? they're going to fire you, they don't like you. I'm sad? angry? Not sure. Disappointed, annoyed, bitter, angry against myself. why am I like that? I know how to get better but I do nothing about it. I quit. I don't finish what I start. I'm different, no I'm weird. I'm neither cold or hot. nothing. unstable. social anxiety, fear, euphoria, depression, deep depression, emotional abuse? I'm just not strong enough. vulnerable, weak. Bipolar? I don't know what I have, I don't know what's happening, I don't know why I'm acting like this. Angry, confused, tired, so tired. God loves me so much, you know your value through Him. No, i've accomplished nothing so far. I'm lazy, unloyal to Him, so unfit. He raises me up, I go back down. He gives me his hand, I stay for awhile and I walk away. What have I done? nothing. I'm wasting my life, wasting what He gave me. I'm so angry, all the time. I feel it in my heart, my mind even my fingers are shaking.

Sorry for the confusion, this is a little bit messed up but this is what's on my mind everyday. I can't stop thinking. Anything will trigger a tornado of thoughts in my mind. Someone might look at me a certain way, I might drop something on the floor, someone can say hello to me and i'll start thinking too much. I have my good day when I can fill my mind with songs and words from the bible and prayers but honestly I haven't open my bible in months. I don't finish what I start, I have no motivation at all and no one to push me. Everything in me is pushing me to the ground and keeping me away from God but in the same time it's so pathetic of me, all I have to do is talk to God, read my bible, be closer to Him, feed myself spiritually but even that I can't do.

I don't know what I'm expecting by posting and I don't even know why I'm posting this, it's probably just one of those nights and I'll get over it tomorrow but I'm sick of being an on and off kinda person, I'm tired of being such a disapointment, of wasting my time when I know I could do so much more. I guess I just need someone to punch me in the face and tell me to start walking forward and not look back. And maybe with your prayers I will find the strength to finally have a good talk with God and face myself.

For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.

If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.

Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.

For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.

For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:

But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

so i am not the only one, with that ongoing circeling thread (of "I should do something differnent/more") in my mind.

But prayer goes for me, so I am praying for you, too.

Philippians 4:6-7

plz read Romans 7 it will help sweetie God will seen help in your time of need. it's Satan that wants you to be bound up. Not our Lord. Jesus came that you may live a life of Victory. not sadness.

BrotherG

Gee. You used a lot of derogatory terms.

• Jesus said, "Listen and understand. What goes into someone’s mouth does not defile them, but what comes out of their mouth, that is what defiles them ... Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them." (Mt 15:10, 17-20).

Therefore, as new creatures in Christ, it's vital that we renew our minds.

• Don't become like the people of this world. Instead, change the way you think. Then you will always be able to determine what God really wants-what is good, pleasing, and perfect (Ro 12:2).

• Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things (Phil 4:8).

Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it (Jam 4:17).

• These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth (Rev 3:16).

• ...let the weak say, I am strong (Joe 3:10B).

• The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him (Ps 28:7).

• The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength (Is 40:28-31).

• For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength (Phi 4:13).

You are still young. Therefore, it's not too late for you to honor the Creator with your youth (Ec 12:1).

Study Proverbs and find out what Solomon said about the dangers of laziness and anger.

• ...for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again (Pr 24:16).

Of course, you need to read and meditate on scripture often. Songs are fine, as long as they lyrics are scriptural.

Be blessed and encouraged in God!

Father God, Please help Hannah Reach out to you through this pain she is going through. Help her renew her mind and put on the new man. Help her fill her mind with the truth and fill her spirit. In Yeshua's Holy name I pray amen.

There is a Hannah in the word who was troubled deeply in her Spirit and there was a person who was a thron in her side. If Hannah had a moment of happiness there was this lady pushing that thorn even deeper. It was through this deep pain that Hannah came to the end of herself and cried out to The LORD. She fully surendered everything to the Lord. The Lord heard her and answered her prayer. With the Lord surrender, trust, and love are Key.