A
Since the childhood we learn to protect ourself from being hurt from others. Whatever we do is produce of childhood program or new program protecting our childish beliefs.
Proof?
I always felt there was something worng with me. I never knew what and why – I act differently and feel less value then others in school.
When you born you don’t get an instruction what to do and how to think and if there is no one to tell you or worse someone to tell you only a bad staff – you may grow as a ‘strange’ one comper to the normal families.
And that was me – till now I don’t understand most of my acting, thinking or talking. So if I don’t know – do I really have control over myself? If not – how can I give paver over me to Jesus?
Impossible – that is why – not many of us will see kingdom of heaven. We can’t give something which doesn’t belong to US!
Someone may say but I’m giving all my words/thoughts/action in my pray – but can you really be sure that all your heart is in that pray and agree to it. If you don’t know yourself – the truth is you can’t be sure of anything.
So what can we do?
There is one thing we can do – listen to the word of God and keep trying to be as honest as you can. Why did I use that sentence? We are manipulate to be brilliant liers – so we can’t very often know for sure what true is in our life.
Example
I was into lots of books about how to think or talk to others so I don’t have to feel so mean less as I felt all my life. After 2 years study I did it. No one could put me down by using the words or win any arguments – I could even think to become sell assistant or work promoting things. My life became much easier after using my new gift of quick and smart answers to any accusation or critics.
All this time I didn’t notice that my childhood beliefs created new cover to protect themselves so they (beliefs) still can have effect on me but are not as obvious as before – because now I can protect them better.
How did I discover that?
One day while I was working – I start to use lots of ‘smart’ arguments to show someone my point of view and win but in a nice way – and it just come to me – that is not about winning but being honest.
Problem – someone was owing us some money for few years (50£) and didn’t finish work they promise to do 2 years ago. We felt disrespected and I had a go on them to my husband – I was also thinking a bit about that – planning to say ‘good by’ to them.
The truth was that we didn’t even ask once about the money and we didn’t ask them to hurry with the job. So why we complain? If we can’t be honest from start – we shouldn’t live our life being angry at them for not being ‘perfect’ to our standard.
People are ungreatful, forgetful, egoistic, - they all like donkeys – one pretend to be better than the other one. In truth – we all the some – wick and sinful. So not what they did was a problem but my expectation towards them and not being honest form start. So who can I blame? Myself.
I was angry with few more people – and my knowledge made me not to see the truth at first – I was too busy concentrating what they did wrong and how disrespect they are. But then I have noticed that each of them did what I did before in my life – so they are not any worse than I.
I knew that God send them for my sake, for me to learn that I trusted to something false and it will not help me in long run because it keeps me from God’s truth.
I’m grateful for all that painful experiences – it is very hard to accept that you are at fault but without that we will just keep being dolls.
I know that there is nothing good in me – I can see that now. Am I cross because of it? Yes and no. Yes because I want to see something good and to have a hope. No because if I did – the enemy would use that against me to give me a lie of being better than others.
In just a month time I lost 2 friend, one part time job (which I didn’t even start), I had many arguments with my husband sisters and with myself. I was doing lots of mistakes, learn that forgiveness is the hardest thing in the world and learn that I can’t do anything myself.
It was really hard month to me – I knew that will be the case but didn’t expect losing 2 people in the mean time.
It was a wake up call for me – I have noticed that I didn’t mind losing them at all – more I was grateful that I don’t have to spend any more time with them.
Why? I don’t think I can attach myself easy to people – I find difficult to open to them and trust them – but I’m easy target to be use – since I don’t’ know the word ‘no’.
For me friend means – someone I have to be slave to. I don’t see it in other way – I always did much more for them than any of them for me. I think I even hate the word ‘friend’ to be honest. I want everything to be equal but can’t express that for some reason unknown to me.
I was bless with my husband and God let us to be real friends after 12 years of knowing each other – last 6 months we started to trust each other and that was the biggest blessing I have ever receive to any human being.
It is absolutely wonderful if you can trust to someone – it give you such a peace and love – I have never experience that before – so I want to believe that ‘those friends’ were not made for me, and I met them when I wasn’t ready for a friend.
I did try to honest with both of them but they are not simply ready for another version of truth then their own. It is not about what is right – it is about to find the peace in the middle of both ‘truth’.
Each coin has two sides – suddly not many people seem to know that. I don’t want to have friends – when I have to give up my side of coin for someone all the time. I want us to see both and then find the answer. I know now that no one of us was 100% right and I can admit that, see even where I was wrong and she was wright but I can’t pretend that I was 100% wrong and she was 100% right – more apologize for it and beg for forgiveness.
In the name of what – I should do that – isn’t that lie and agree for lie to keep some people happy?
I can’t be wrong with everything I just wrote and I’m ready to see it but for now that is how I see it.
I’m just learning to see both sides – it is hard thing and sometimes you drawn to see only one – then you are the most angry – so it is always good to remember that we all do mistakes all the time and we all wick and still learning.
Like Jesus said – we can’t do any good without him so if we do is not us but HIM so there is nothing to be proud of!
If we don’t talk about others, lie (in our opinion!), steal, or whatever sinful – it still doesn’t matter that we are good – more our pride because of it – can make us worse then – those who does those things. Thing is – we may not be aware of that (PRIDE) in us and carry on like we are just good people doing good things.
The truth is on the level 10 – where all evil lives in us. If we lucky we may go on level 7 but still there is 3 to go – where only saints could go. There is all evil and truth of us – we are not aware of it.
If we don’t know who we really are till the end of our nature – we should ask ourselves question - it that wise to feel better than others?
The more I see and know about myself – the more I understand how dangerouse the pride is – all our suffering is noting else but result of our selfish nature.
If we really love God – we would be greateful for each moment of our life. Are we?
That is how we can recognize the pride and lie in us.
We have always choice – ignorance or reflection with action.
There is a reason that someone very cleaver said – this people prefer more things and are heading to the death then people from past. Why did I choice that sentence? People who are into things and ambitons will ignore quite a lot from others – there are not many who will take even a bit from it.
Proof?
I always felt there was something worng with me. I never knew what and why – I act differently and feel less value then others in school.
When you born you don’t get an instruction what to do and how to think and if there is no one to tell you or worse someone to tell you only a bad staff – you may grow as a ‘strange’ one comper to the normal families.
And that was me – till now I don’t understand most of my acting, thinking or talking. So if I don’t know – do I really have control over myself? If not – how can I give paver over me to Jesus?
Impossible – that is why – not many of us will see kingdom of heaven. We can’t give something which doesn’t belong to US!
Someone may say but I’m giving all my words/thoughts/action in my pray – but can you really be sure that all your heart is in that pray and agree to it. If you don’t know yourself – the truth is you can’t be sure of anything.
So what can we do?
There is one thing we can do – listen to the word of God and keep trying to be as honest as you can. Why did I use that sentence? We are manipulate to be brilliant liers – so we can’t very often know for sure what true is in our life.
Example
I was into lots of books about how to think or talk to others so I don’t have to feel so mean less as I felt all my life. After 2 years study I did it. No one could put me down by using the words or win any arguments – I could even think to become sell assistant or work promoting things. My life became much easier after using my new gift of quick and smart answers to any accusation or critics.
All this time I didn’t notice that my childhood beliefs created new cover to protect themselves so they (beliefs) still can have effect on me but are not as obvious as before – because now I can protect them better.
How did I discover that?
One day while I was working – I start to use lots of ‘smart’ arguments to show someone my point of view and win but in a nice way – and it just come to me – that is not about winning but being honest.
Problem – someone was owing us some money for few years (50£) and didn’t finish work they promise to do 2 years ago. We felt disrespected and I had a go on them to my husband – I was also thinking a bit about that – planning to say ‘good by’ to them.
The truth was that we didn’t even ask once about the money and we didn’t ask them to hurry with the job. So why we complain? If we can’t be honest from start – we shouldn’t live our life being angry at them for not being ‘perfect’ to our standard.
People are ungreatful, forgetful, egoistic, - they all like donkeys – one pretend to be better than the other one. In truth – we all the some – wick and sinful. So not what they did was a problem but my expectation towards them and not being honest form start. So who can I blame? Myself.
I was angry with few more people – and my knowledge made me not to see the truth at first – I was too busy concentrating what they did wrong and how disrespect they are. But then I have noticed that each of them did what I did before in my life – so they are not any worse than I.
I knew that God send them for my sake, for me to learn that I trusted to something false and it will not help me in long run because it keeps me from God’s truth.
I’m grateful for all that painful experiences – it is very hard to accept that you are at fault but without that we will just keep being dolls.
I know that there is nothing good in me – I can see that now. Am I cross because of it? Yes and no. Yes because I want to see something good and to have a hope. No because if I did – the enemy would use that against me to give me a lie of being better than others.
In just a month time I lost 2 friend, one part time job (which I didn’t even start), I had many arguments with my husband sisters and with myself. I was doing lots of mistakes, learn that forgiveness is the hardest thing in the world and learn that I can’t do anything myself.
It was really hard month to me – I knew that will be the case but didn’t expect losing 2 people in the mean time.
It was a wake up call for me – I have noticed that I didn’t mind losing them at all – more I was grateful that I don’t have to spend any more time with them.
Why? I don’t think I can attach myself easy to people – I find difficult to open to them and trust them – but I’m easy target to be use – since I don’t’ know the word ‘no’.
For me friend means – someone I have to be slave to. I don’t see it in other way – I always did much more for them than any of them for me. I think I even hate the word ‘friend’ to be honest. I want everything to be equal but can’t express that for some reason unknown to me.
I was bless with my husband and God let us to be real friends after 12 years of knowing each other – last 6 months we started to trust each other and that was the biggest blessing I have ever receive to any human being.
It is absolutely wonderful if you can trust to someone – it give you such a peace and love – I have never experience that before – so I want to believe that ‘those friends’ were not made for me, and I met them when I wasn’t ready for a friend.
I did try to honest with both of them but they are not simply ready for another version of truth then their own. It is not about what is right – it is about to find the peace in the middle of both ‘truth’.
Each coin has two sides – suddly not many people seem to know that. I don’t want to have friends – when I have to give up my side of coin for someone all the time. I want us to see both and then find the answer. I know now that no one of us was 100% right and I can admit that, see even where I was wrong and she was wright but I can’t pretend that I was 100% wrong and she was 100% right – more apologize for it and beg for forgiveness.
In the name of what – I should do that – isn’t that lie and agree for lie to keep some people happy?
I can’t be wrong with everything I just wrote and I’m ready to see it but for now that is how I see it.
I’m just learning to see both sides – it is hard thing and sometimes you drawn to see only one – then you are the most angry – so it is always good to remember that we all do mistakes all the time and we all wick and still learning.
Like Jesus said – we can’t do any good without him so if we do is not us but HIM so there is nothing to be proud of!
If we don’t talk about others, lie (in our opinion!), steal, or whatever sinful – it still doesn’t matter that we are good – more our pride because of it – can make us worse then – those who does those things. Thing is – we may not be aware of that (PRIDE) in us and carry on like we are just good people doing good things.
The truth is on the level 10 – where all evil lives in us. If we lucky we may go on level 7 but still there is 3 to go – where only saints could go. There is all evil and truth of us – we are not aware of it.
If we don’t know who we really are till the end of our nature – we should ask ourselves question - it that wise to feel better than others?
The more I see and know about myself – the more I understand how dangerouse the pride is – all our suffering is noting else but result of our selfish nature.
If we really love God – we would be greateful for each moment of our life. Are we?
That is how we can recognize the pride and lie in us.
We have always choice – ignorance or reflection with action.
There is a reason that someone very cleaver said – this people prefer more things and are heading to the death then people from past. Why did I choice that sentence? People who are into things and ambitons will ignore quite a lot from others – there are not many who will take even a bit from it.