I've been debating for a while now with myself on whether I should be sharing my story, my testimony, my declaration of God working in my life, whatever anyone would like to call it because I don't particularly like when something is about me, but God put this on my heart and I know now this isn't about me, this isn't my will, this is God's will.
At the moment there has been a lot of Satan trying to attack many of us young people and tonight my hearts been aching to the point where I'm in tears, not because of my own pain but because of the people I love and care about that God has put on my heart that are really struggling at the moment. I pray that maybe this can help you in somehow, that you will feel our God comforting you in his arms...
My name is Amber, I'm 19 years old and I've had a rather eventful life which at times i complain about and at times I praise God for (I need to remember to praise him always).
When I was 7 years old I was sexually abused by a high school student, and I guess it was something I pushed aside and moved on with in my life without God's help, but it's something that had resurfaced in recent years that I could only deal with, with Jesus holding my hand along the way.
At the age of 13 I had just had a really hard time moving from primary school to high school because my best friends decided to abandon me, I had no one, I was on my own and trying to cope with that in classes with them everyday, life was a constant struggle. I ended up having a breakdown in class one day and could no longer go to normal classes like everyone else, I was getting all the support I could but i was still depressed and hated life. My cousins invited me to go along to a church which i now attend sometimes and thats where I found God and was saved, things were changing and I figured things could only get better from there..boy was I wrong.
At the age of 14 I had an operation and was in a wheel chair for a while, I missed out on a lot of school and became distant from my friends, I started to become depressed again and I really wasn't feeling God in my life, even though i tried to pretend everything was okay.
I tried to keep living everyday in a positive mind set, things were going to be okay..then very suddenly one night I watched as my dad stopped breathing and passed away in front of my eyes, I remember falling to my knees in my family room praying..screaming out to God to save my dad. It was a complete shock and disbelief for me, and only months later did it hit me I'd just lost my dad, the person i was closest to in this world, the person I went to for everything, I was completely lost.
I fell deeper into depression and started cutting my wrists to try and stop myself from feeling so much emotional pain, I started taking packet through packet of pills and very quickly I was completely addicted to cutting and taking as many pills I could, just to get through the day.
I then began trying to find comfort in other ways, through letting myself become a sexual object I ended up letting many guys use, after a while I became so numb to it, it was just apart of my everyday life.
I began hating myself for everything i was hiding, on the outside I looked like a 'perfect Christian girl' who was happy but really I was crying out for help.
It got to the point where I started throwing up everything I ate so I could get my body to a point where I thought more guys would be interested in me. I was a complete mess.
After months of hiding from these addictions haunting my life I ended up dating this guy....one night I caught him cheating on me and I was just done, I didn't want to be here anymore, If God loved me I wanted to be in peace with him away from this earth..that night i attempted to commit suicide.
That was also the night I should have died but our incredible Saviour saved my life and said to me "not yet my child, you have so much to do on this earth, I have so much purpose for you, it's not your time to die".
My testimony isn't that I suddenly stopped having the urge to take pills, or stop the urge to cut myself, or stop crying and hurting that I'd lost my dad, or that I suddenly became pure and never let another guy touch me. These things took work, work with me and God, work with letting my brothers and sisters in Christ help me through.
My testimony is that God saved me, he loves me so much that he saved me.
I still go through hard times and I still mess up sometimes and I still need to remember it's okay to ask for help, God gave gifts to his children to help others, it's okay to need others help.
But in the end remember it's okay to ask for God's help,
because he loves us so much,
that he sent his one and only son to die on that cross,
so we didn't have to.
He saved us.
<3
At the moment there has been a lot of Satan trying to attack many of us young people and tonight my hearts been aching to the point where I'm in tears, not because of my own pain but because of the people I love and care about that God has put on my heart that are really struggling at the moment. I pray that maybe this can help you in somehow, that you will feel our God comforting you in his arms...
My name is Amber, I'm 19 years old and I've had a rather eventful life which at times i complain about and at times I praise God for (I need to remember to praise him always).
When I was 7 years old I was sexually abused by a high school student, and I guess it was something I pushed aside and moved on with in my life without God's help, but it's something that had resurfaced in recent years that I could only deal with, with Jesus holding my hand along the way.
At the age of 13 I had just had a really hard time moving from primary school to high school because my best friends decided to abandon me, I had no one, I was on my own and trying to cope with that in classes with them everyday, life was a constant struggle. I ended up having a breakdown in class one day and could no longer go to normal classes like everyone else, I was getting all the support I could but i was still depressed and hated life. My cousins invited me to go along to a church which i now attend sometimes and thats where I found God and was saved, things were changing and I figured things could only get better from there..boy was I wrong.
At the age of 14 I had an operation and was in a wheel chair for a while, I missed out on a lot of school and became distant from my friends, I started to become depressed again and I really wasn't feeling God in my life, even though i tried to pretend everything was okay.
I tried to keep living everyday in a positive mind set, things were going to be okay..then very suddenly one night I watched as my dad stopped breathing and passed away in front of my eyes, I remember falling to my knees in my family room praying..screaming out to God to save my dad. It was a complete shock and disbelief for me, and only months later did it hit me I'd just lost my dad, the person i was closest to in this world, the person I went to for everything, I was completely lost.
I fell deeper into depression and started cutting my wrists to try and stop myself from feeling so much emotional pain, I started taking packet through packet of pills and very quickly I was completely addicted to cutting and taking as many pills I could, just to get through the day.
I then began trying to find comfort in other ways, through letting myself become a sexual object I ended up letting many guys use, after a while I became so numb to it, it was just apart of my everyday life.
I began hating myself for everything i was hiding, on the outside I looked like a 'perfect Christian girl' who was happy but really I was crying out for help.
It got to the point where I started throwing up everything I ate so I could get my body to a point where I thought more guys would be interested in me. I was a complete mess.
After months of hiding from these addictions haunting my life I ended up dating this guy....one night I caught him cheating on me and I was just done, I didn't want to be here anymore, If God loved me I wanted to be in peace with him away from this earth..that night i attempted to commit suicide.
That was also the night I should have died but our incredible Saviour saved my life and said to me "not yet my child, you have so much to do on this earth, I have so much purpose for you, it's not your time to die".
My testimony isn't that I suddenly stopped having the urge to take pills, or stop the urge to cut myself, or stop crying and hurting that I'd lost my dad, or that I suddenly became pure and never let another guy touch me. These things took work, work with me and God, work with letting my brothers and sisters in Christ help me through.
My testimony is that God saved me, he loves me so much that he saved me.
I still go through hard times and I still mess up sometimes and I still need to remember it's okay to ask for help, God gave gifts to his children to help others, it's okay to need others help.
But in the end remember it's okay to ask for God's help,
because he loves us so much,
that he sent his one and only son to die on that cross,
so we didn't have to.
He saved us.
<3
