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I've posted my testimony on this website before, but I wrote a more current and updated version. (no, I'm not the rapper Lecrae, just as an f.y.i. haha)
There are 6 common themes in my testimony that God wanted me to learn in my life.
1. Trials (most importantly your reaction to them) show if you're a genuine Christ follower. (Proverbs 24:16)
2. Trials, if you are a true Christ follower, always bring you closer to God. (James 1:2-3)
3. A true Christian's life revolves around God. (2 Peter 3:18)
4. Plan your life around God, not other people. (James 4:14-15)
5. Your salvation has nothing to do with how good you are. (Ephesians 2:8-9)
6. I’ve trampled on the cross (Hebrews 10:26-31)
The testimony of God working in my life starts off pretty ordinary. I was born in a Christian home on October 8th of 1993. Because I was raised in the church, it is hard for me to say when I was truly saved. I learned about whom God and Jesus were in Sunday school when I was a kid, but other than that I didn't care to learn. This was when I was around 8 years old. I shut my ears off to any teachings because I hated church. I would sometimes scream and beg to not go to church because I found it boring with all of those old people with white hair. My mentality didn't really change much once I got into middle school. I wouldn't scream at the thought of going to church, but my rebellious mindset changed forms. I ended up just not paying attention in church and was just messing around with my friends (one of my best friends who went to that church was Austin...we'll get to him later).
Out of my rebellion and self-love, I ended up getting addicted to a few sins. The majority of these sins were idolatry (getting addicted to video games) and the sexual sin of pornography. Both of these started in fifth grade, but worsened by the time I was in middle school. These addictions took over my life, and the part that makes me feel really sad is that at the time, I loved all of this and had no intentions of turning my life around. One time my parents caught me doing something I shouldn't have been, and in my mind I shouted "If I ever have kids, I will let them do all the things that I'm doing and more, because that's what good parents do!" Little did I know God was about to kick my butt for that statement and my addiction filled life.
In 7th grade, I was a really awkward kid (and, depending on the environment and circumstances... I still can be). I didn't have many friends that I hung out with. But, my new neighbor started going to my school so he mentioned that we should hang out sometime. I took up the offer. One day when we had a snow day I walked over to his house to hang out. We played pool and watched some TV when we had a genius idea: Let's play basketball outside in the sheet-of-ice driveway! I must admit, it was pretty fun. About 15 minutes into our game, Brandon's Rottweiler dog broke out of his cage and started running at me while barking and showing his teeth threateningly. The dog ended up blocking my way to the door so I only had one way to run: the road. I ran to the road but the dog had already bit into my ankle and tripped me. The dog was about to go for my neck, but I stood up just in time for him to bite the top of my shoulder. This was my first near death experience.
After this my rebellion didn't get any better or worse, I just kind of questioned the validity of God a bit. My Rebellion just stayed the same and I felt like I was stuck in life, not going anywhere. In 8th grade my sins got to the point that my parents were on the verge of finding out my secret sins in my life. This is when I started getting really depressed and anxious. At this point in my life I gave myself two options: If my parents find out my biggest secret, then I'm going to either end my life or run away and never come back. Because of my depression, I was leaning more on the first option. I didn't know how I was going to do it (since I didn't have any resources), so I ended up trying out the second option. My parents never found out my secret even though they probably had a suspicion of what I was doing in my life, but I was so depressed I still tried running away from home. I got outside and stayed around my property for a good two or three hours after the sun set. There was a little voice nagging me telling me to not go because I wouldn't be able to survive in this world on my own (especially as a middle schooler). I ended up going back inside and my dad asked me what I was doing. I told him I felt like nobody cared about me and then went up to bed. Later that night, as all good parents would, they grounded me because of my sinful actions.
From this point on, I started to lean on God a little. I didn't really read my Bible as much as what I should have, but I read a few verses here and there. I started getting interested in theological books such as Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis and Systematic Theology around my sophomore year of high school, and this is where my knowledge of God started to grow slightly. But just because I had knowledge of God didn't necessarily mean I had salvation.
Around my Junior year of high school, I was fed up with my addictions and sins because I think God was starting to convict me. I finally figured I should tackle each addiction one by one. (At this point I believe I was justified, and God was starting to sanctify me). I started with video games. I prayed to God saying, "God, even though I don't really want to say this right now, it needs to happen. Don't let me be addicted to video games anymore because I feel it isn't right and my life is going nowhere because of them." It took until my junior year, when God took all desire to play video games away from my life. Ever since then I haven't played a video game longer than 25 minutes, and I hardly play a video game a week (I usually don't play any a week to be honest). Just as a side note, I’m not saying it’s a sin to play video games. But in my life I ended up turning it into a sin because I shut out everybody in my life and practically did nothing but video games and school (played them like a crazy amount….80-100 hours a week. I’m not proud of this at all).
My Junior year was complete and life was starting to look up. Little did I know that my life was about to flip upside down my senior year. On September 27, 2011 my best friend that I talked about earlier (Austin) got in a tragic car accident and died on Centennial hill by ICC. I couldn't believe it. We're too young to die. How could God let this happen? This was when I started reading the book of James and read about trials and how they come into our lives to help us develop perseverance, so we lack nothing. I couldn't believe that this happened. It has been 2 years since his accident and I still miss him, but as Romans 8:28 spells out to us, God works for the good of us, not to harm us. I started to lean on God a little more after this trial. This is when I asked God to help me in my sexual sins.
After my senior year, life started to look up more than it ever had. On July 15th, 2012 I got my first girlfriend. She was a Christian, was pretty, and seemed level headed. During the time I dated her, I learned more about life than I ever had when I was in high school. I learned how to love, how to be a leader, how to teach, how to study God's word, how to pray out loud, how to serve better, how to be humble, how to control my emotions, and how to be a better man of God. Little did I know my life was about to flip upside down once again. She ended up leaving me in a really harsh way after 8 months. This was one of the worst experiences that I had to go through. I couldn’t eat for three weeks, I was depressed 24/7, and could hardly function in day to day activities. I ended up losing 25 pounds even though I was already underweight which was detrimental to my health, and I’m still experiencing repercussions from that today. God taught me how to rely on him through this trial and how to communicate with him efficiently, because God was really all I had at this point. My friends ditched me after Sarah and I broke up, other things went wrong, and the only things that I had at that point were my family, my house, and God.
Since then (it’s been about a year since our break up) I’ve experienced a few more trials, such as financial burdens and health. But out of all the trials I’ve had in my life, I realized that I’ve only grown closer to God, not further away. God introduced these trials to me to show me that he loved me and wanted me to prosper, he didn’t want to harm me (romans 8:28). Because of the strong man he has made me today, he is still pushing me forward, more than what I imagined. Today I feel God’s call to become a Setting Captives Free mentor to help others in the area that I used to struggle in (pornography). I know the destructive and deceiving nature of porn, so I want to share with others how strong Christ’s power is and how he can give victory over addictive sins. Christ’s power truly triumphs and I’m glad beyond words that God chose to deliver me from my sins and to show me what His power can really do in one’s life.
I want to end with saying that this is one of many truths that motivates me to not return to my sin nature. It’s the text of Hebrews 10:26-31 which says, “If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Anyone who rejected the Law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” and again, “”The Lord will judge his people.” It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”
God Bless and I hope you are encouraged in your faith.
There are 6 common themes in my testimony that God wanted me to learn in my life.
1. Trials (most importantly your reaction to them) show if you're a genuine Christ follower. (Proverbs 24:16)
2. Trials, if you are a true Christ follower, always bring you closer to God. (James 1:2-3)
3. A true Christian's life revolves around God. (2 Peter 3:18)
4. Plan your life around God, not other people. (James 4:14-15)
5. Your salvation has nothing to do with how good you are. (Ephesians 2:8-9)
6. I’ve trampled on the cross (Hebrews 10:26-31)
The testimony of God working in my life starts off pretty ordinary. I was born in a Christian home on October 8th of 1993. Because I was raised in the church, it is hard for me to say when I was truly saved. I learned about whom God and Jesus were in Sunday school when I was a kid, but other than that I didn't care to learn. This was when I was around 8 years old. I shut my ears off to any teachings because I hated church. I would sometimes scream and beg to not go to church because I found it boring with all of those old people with white hair. My mentality didn't really change much once I got into middle school. I wouldn't scream at the thought of going to church, but my rebellious mindset changed forms. I ended up just not paying attention in church and was just messing around with my friends (one of my best friends who went to that church was Austin...we'll get to him later).
Out of my rebellion and self-love, I ended up getting addicted to a few sins. The majority of these sins were idolatry (getting addicted to video games) and the sexual sin of pornography. Both of these started in fifth grade, but worsened by the time I was in middle school. These addictions took over my life, and the part that makes me feel really sad is that at the time, I loved all of this and had no intentions of turning my life around. One time my parents caught me doing something I shouldn't have been, and in my mind I shouted "If I ever have kids, I will let them do all the things that I'm doing and more, because that's what good parents do!" Little did I know God was about to kick my butt for that statement and my addiction filled life.
In 7th grade, I was a really awkward kid (and, depending on the environment and circumstances... I still can be). I didn't have many friends that I hung out with. But, my new neighbor started going to my school so he mentioned that we should hang out sometime. I took up the offer. One day when we had a snow day I walked over to his house to hang out. We played pool and watched some TV when we had a genius idea: Let's play basketball outside in the sheet-of-ice driveway! I must admit, it was pretty fun. About 15 minutes into our game, Brandon's Rottweiler dog broke out of his cage and started running at me while barking and showing his teeth threateningly. The dog ended up blocking my way to the door so I only had one way to run: the road. I ran to the road but the dog had already bit into my ankle and tripped me. The dog was about to go for my neck, but I stood up just in time for him to bite the top of my shoulder. This was my first near death experience.
After this my rebellion didn't get any better or worse, I just kind of questioned the validity of God a bit. My Rebellion just stayed the same and I felt like I was stuck in life, not going anywhere. In 8th grade my sins got to the point that my parents were on the verge of finding out my secret sins in my life. This is when I started getting really depressed and anxious. At this point in my life I gave myself two options: If my parents find out my biggest secret, then I'm going to either end my life or run away and never come back. Because of my depression, I was leaning more on the first option. I didn't know how I was going to do it (since I didn't have any resources), so I ended up trying out the second option. My parents never found out my secret even though they probably had a suspicion of what I was doing in my life, but I was so depressed I still tried running away from home. I got outside and stayed around my property for a good two or three hours after the sun set. There was a little voice nagging me telling me to not go because I wouldn't be able to survive in this world on my own (especially as a middle schooler). I ended up going back inside and my dad asked me what I was doing. I told him I felt like nobody cared about me and then went up to bed. Later that night, as all good parents would, they grounded me because of my sinful actions.
From this point on, I started to lean on God a little. I didn't really read my Bible as much as what I should have, but I read a few verses here and there. I started getting interested in theological books such as Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis and Systematic Theology around my sophomore year of high school, and this is where my knowledge of God started to grow slightly. But just because I had knowledge of God didn't necessarily mean I had salvation.
Around my Junior year of high school, I was fed up with my addictions and sins because I think God was starting to convict me. I finally figured I should tackle each addiction one by one. (At this point I believe I was justified, and God was starting to sanctify me). I started with video games. I prayed to God saying, "God, even though I don't really want to say this right now, it needs to happen. Don't let me be addicted to video games anymore because I feel it isn't right and my life is going nowhere because of them." It took until my junior year, when God took all desire to play video games away from my life. Ever since then I haven't played a video game longer than 25 minutes, and I hardly play a video game a week (I usually don't play any a week to be honest). Just as a side note, I’m not saying it’s a sin to play video games. But in my life I ended up turning it into a sin because I shut out everybody in my life and practically did nothing but video games and school (played them like a crazy amount….80-100 hours a week. I’m not proud of this at all).
My Junior year was complete and life was starting to look up. Little did I know that my life was about to flip upside down my senior year. On September 27, 2011 my best friend that I talked about earlier (Austin) got in a tragic car accident and died on Centennial hill by ICC. I couldn't believe it. We're too young to die. How could God let this happen? This was when I started reading the book of James and read about trials and how they come into our lives to help us develop perseverance, so we lack nothing. I couldn't believe that this happened. It has been 2 years since his accident and I still miss him, but as Romans 8:28 spells out to us, God works for the good of us, not to harm us. I started to lean on God a little more after this trial. This is when I asked God to help me in my sexual sins.
After my senior year, life started to look up more than it ever had. On July 15th, 2012 I got my first girlfriend. She was a Christian, was pretty, and seemed level headed. During the time I dated her, I learned more about life than I ever had when I was in high school. I learned how to love, how to be a leader, how to teach, how to study God's word, how to pray out loud, how to serve better, how to be humble, how to control my emotions, and how to be a better man of God. Little did I know my life was about to flip upside down once again. She ended up leaving me in a really harsh way after 8 months. This was one of the worst experiences that I had to go through. I couldn’t eat for three weeks, I was depressed 24/7, and could hardly function in day to day activities. I ended up losing 25 pounds even though I was already underweight which was detrimental to my health, and I’m still experiencing repercussions from that today. God taught me how to rely on him through this trial and how to communicate with him efficiently, because God was really all I had at this point. My friends ditched me after Sarah and I broke up, other things went wrong, and the only things that I had at that point were my family, my house, and God.
Since then (it’s been about a year since our break up) I’ve experienced a few more trials, such as financial burdens and health. But out of all the trials I’ve had in my life, I realized that I’ve only grown closer to God, not further away. God introduced these trials to me to show me that he loved me and wanted me to prosper, he didn’t want to harm me (romans 8:28). Because of the strong man he has made me today, he is still pushing me forward, more than what I imagined. Today I feel God’s call to become a Setting Captives Free mentor to help others in the area that I used to struggle in (pornography). I know the destructive and deceiving nature of porn, so I want to share with others how strong Christ’s power is and how he can give victory over addictive sins. Christ’s power truly triumphs and I’m glad beyond words that God chose to deliver me from my sins and to show me what His power can really do in one’s life.
I want to end with saying that this is one of many truths that motivates me to not return to my sin nature. It’s the text of Hebrews 10:26-31 which says, “If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God. Anyone who rejected the Law of Moses died without mercy on the testimony of two or three witnesses. How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace? For we know him who said, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” and again, “”The Lord will judge his people.” It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.”
God Bless and I hope you are encouraged in your faith.
