I don't get it.
I thought life was suposed to be fulfilling. Happy. Joyful. Exciting? Television and magazines and such are always puttting people down and placing them in undeserved categories. I always thought that was wrong. That no one has or can do anything that should classify them like their a to-do list. I always prayed for those that would put people down and make fun just to create their own laughter that would one day put them in misery.
I used to think everyone had a purpose in this world. Whether it be some top of the line celebrity like Bill Gates who gives millions of people the evryday pleasure of getting things done faster; or someone who works at a vineyard and puts a smile on a few peoples faces as they get their morning coffee.
But not anymore.
I feel like i've changed but i portray the same person i was 5 years ago and on. What people notice is the side of me i wish i still was. Happy and bubbly, always smiling and never fails to help others smile. The side of me that everyone is so consumed in. Instead, i'm not that person at all. I'm now a person who is always struggling but no one sees. who is always crying but no one takes the time to ask why. Who's heart is constantly breaking but no one even thinks to take 2 minutes out of their day to lend a mending hand. the one who's reaching out with both hands for someone to listen to me, but no one sees the joy in listening to my moaning stories of help.
It seems to me that this world has changed from deppression and anxiety, and fallen to a deeper feeling of saddness and worry. but not only is the world falling, but so are it's people. i always wanted to believe that there was hope for this God forsaken sphere of human beings. Now, not so much. Now, i hate believeing that there is no hope. That no one person can make a difference to save their life. That, not only am i becoming a trechorous and antagonizing memory for people, but that i could even leave such a mark. It's almost a shame that i could even fathom leaving such a devasting scar on someones mind. But what else can i do?
this is just a piece from my book that i'm trying to write. it's an autobiography, but in 3rd person. so basically, i'm writing a story about myself, but in the perspective of how i thought/think other people view my life.
bare with me =]
I thought life was suposed to be fulfilling. Happy. Joyful. Exciting? Television and magazines and such are always puttting people down and placing them in undeserved categories. I always thought that was wrong. That no one has or can do anything that should classify them like their a to-do list. I always prayed for those that would put people down and make fun just to create their own laughter that would one day put them in misery.
I used to think everyone had a purpose in this world. Whether it be some top of the line celebrity like Bill Gates who gives millions of people the evryday pleasure of getting things done faster; or someone who works at a vineyard and puts a smile on a few peoples faces as they get their morning coffee.
But not anymore.
I feel like i've changed but i portray the same person i was 5 years ago and on. What people notice is the side of me i wish i still was. Happy and bubbly, always smiling and never fails to help others smile. The side of me that everyone is so consumed in. Instead, i'm not that person at all. I'm now a person who is always struggling but no one sees. who is always crying but no one takes the time to ask why. Who's heart is constantly breaking but no one even thinks to take 2 minutes out of their day to lend a mending hand. the one who's reaching out with both hands for someone to listen to me, but no one sees the joy in listening to my moaning stories of help.
It seems to me that this world has changed from deppression and anxiety, and fallen to a deeper feeling of saddness and worry. but not only is the world falling, but so are it's people. i always wanted to believe that there was hope for this God forsaken sphere of human beings. Now, not so much. Now, i hate believeing that there is no hope. That no one person can make a difference to save their life. That, not only am i becoming a trechorous and antagonizing memory for people, but that i could even leave such a mark. It's almost a shame that i could even fathom leaving such a devasting scar on someones mind. But what else can i do?
this is just a piece from my book that i'm trying to write. it's an autobiography, but in 3rd person. so basically, i'm writing a story about myself, but in the perspective of how i thought/think other people view my life.
bare with me =]
