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Saved by Grace. Without My Heavenly Father, Jesus and The Holy Spirit the plain truth is my life is not worth living. I’ve often said…If we all could just see what goes on in the spiritual part of our world…I’m really sorry…Haven’t had any formal training so I don’t know how to describe it really. If we could see, we would not walk but run just as fast as we could into The Arms of Our Savior, Lord, and King…His Name Is Jesus…The Name Above All Names…Oh dear…Touched By The Master…Knowing The Word (Holy Bible) Is Truly The Word of God…Born Again…Changed, Transformed only when I sought Him With my Whole Heart. I remember being really drunk; standing in the middle of the dirt road beside our house thinking, “Why was I even born?” I was 19 or 20, I think. My mom and dad had both been raised in church and ran as far from it as they could when they grew up. They divorced when I was 12. I have been affected by it ever since. My world was devastated and there was nobody that could fix it. There was no one who could lead and guide in The Way…The Truth…and The Life…or so I thought…you know “those Christian people” were weird and most of all claiming to be perfect and all…Yeah right, was my attitude.
But I was the sweetest young lady…had somehow obtained good manners…respected my elders and things like that. Was very polite and would give you the shirt off my back if you needed it. Had a form of godliness but denying the Power thereof. And besides that my boyfriend or future husband would be My Knight in Shining Armor. He would make everything all right. He would have all the attributes I’m looking for. He would make sure that everything is always taken care of. Just one little problem: Neither one of them: knew The Way…The Truth…or The Life either!!! Well sir, think everything has just been alright. Nope…It hasn’t…Not one bit. Oh I love this…it’s like The Lord takes my fingers and types what He Wants me to say…What happened was at 21, my boyfriend talked me into having an abortion and of course I wanted him to LOVE me and I would do anything!!! So truth is: I am a murderer and seven years later because of the guilt and shame for what I had done I came within milliseconds of taking my own life. Instead I saw my mom finding me and then got on my knees and cried out to A GOD I didn’t know that If He was real He better let me know in a hurry because I didn’t have much time. I had been introduced to a 12 step program because really I had been trying for a long time to drink myself to death. That’s how subtle sin is: I thought I was having fun. Doesn’t the Bible say that sin starts off real good and then it goes terribly bad. That the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. Well that’s what happened to me. After that prayer (if you can call it that) Oh He hears those prayers…The desperation ones from sinners…See I couldn’t figure out why all these years God was not even hearing MY PRAYERS, I always thought He was too busy with everybody else. So every day for 2 months, after praying that desperate prayer, I wanted to die. See it didn’t happen as fast as I wanted it too. I wanted some kind of bright light in my bedroom that night. That’s what I wanted. I wanted A Knight In Shining Armor for sure. But instead riding in my car one night all of a sudden listening to the radio the music changed. Instead of: My girl left me and my dog got run over-Hahaha-Country Music…It was (my perception had changed-or was it that I had been born again) the country singer was really singing to God…asking Him to help him. It was wild!!! And I felt like there was warm oil that started at my head and went all the way through me to my feet. I was filled with The Greatest Love and A Peace that no words can describe. I have not seen with my eyes or heard with my ears the same way from that day til this day. That was in October 1987. What is amazing and still amazes me to this day…The desire to drink or smoke anything has been taken from me. I haven’t had anything like that in years. And don’t even want to. That’s the miracle…The desire for those things, and others, have been taken from me by a Wondrous Loving Miracle Working God! I believe that with everything in me. Huh…Maybe that was the “claiming to be perfect” in Christians that I didn’t understand before. I didn’t understand or know about the part that now I am trying to be like Him. In Him. You see I have to be changed in order to be used by Him in a powerful way. This is really really and truly running a race for the high calling. Even after all the wonderful experiences I had had…there was another one that has made Jesus more real to me than some people are. This one has truly changed my life forever!!! I can see now how we definitely are going from glory to glory. I’ve seen times in my life when I felt like I was on the verge of breaking through something. Like I know I’m going to cross this Jordan to the other side. Anyway…Yep now I’m “weird” and wouldn’t have it any other way. My faith has grown as big as from here to the moon. My dad called me one day a few years ago and asked me for prayer!!! Oh my goodness…That one phone call changed everything!!! (I truly know The Spirit of God-The Holy Spirit is Leading and Guiding my life-for His Purpose and For His Glory…For the first time I went after The Healer with everything in me…I know I was saved way back when but was I really? I still had 2 or 3 feet in the world. Hahaha…But when my daddy called me saying that he needed prayer…He had been diagnosed with Alzeheimers. Oh my…I started reading The Bible in a different way with a new urgency to know The Truth and books from well known Pastors that I trusted…Books on The Holy Spirit and others. I had to have Him. I had to Know Him in a different way. I had to come out of the world and be IN HIM. I’m still not done seeking His Face. If there has ever been an addiction that brings life…It’s only Jesus…I can’t get enough of Him. Why was I even born? Circumstances happened, evolved…etc. etc. and I just plain am living His perfect plan for my life. It involved every prior experience of my life. Isn’t that just something!!! He is Amazing…He has shown me ways to get His Word out into my city…something I can do. I have written letters like Paul. I have had visions and dreams. Experiences for real in my very own bedroom. Seeing a light that was whiter than white enveloping my forearms and hands, my feet. Hearing in an audible voice…Scriptures…Living and believing The Words of The Bible. I have had my first and only child. I was just about as old as Sarah…Hahaha…I have asked Him…Lord, are you really sure about this? Hahaha…I have experienced seeing the end from before the beginning. I have seen things that will come to pass I just know it. Maybe not in my lifetime but just as Moses passed on before arriving in the Promised Land, I may have to pass on everything The Lord has given me-to my daughter-for it to be completed. But believe you me, hopes and dreams that seem like are completely gone…Well one day they pop up again…So I’m working on it!!! One day it was like, Oh Wow…That’s why she (my daughter) was born…That’s why I was born… Oh dear me…Our Lord and Our God gives us New Life…I’ve always heard that if somebody says, “I” too much they are real selfish…well “I” can’t figure out how to talk about my own experiences without saying “I” a lot. I’m asking continually to be changed to be molded into who He would have me be. Don’t want to be so selfish anymore. I sure am glad you were here when I found you…Found out that for me, The Father, Jesus and The Holy Spirit are 24/7...not just on Sunday… Pretty Amazing Stuff!!! And I Want More!!!
But I was the sweetest young lady…had somehow obtained good manners…respected my elders and things like that. Was very polite and would give you the shirt off my back if you needed it. Had a form of godliness but denying the Power thereof. And besides that my boyfriend or future husband would be My Knight in Shining Armor. He would make everything all right. He would have all the attributes I’m looking for. He would make sure that everything is always taken care of. Just one little problem: Neither one of them: knew The Way…The Truth…or The Life either!!! Well sir, think everything has just been alright. Nope…It hasn’t…Not one bit. Oh I love this…it’s like The Lord takes my fingers and types what He Wants me to say…What happened was at 21, my boyfriend talked me into having an abortion and of course I wanted him to LOVE me and I would do anything!!! So truth is: I am a murderer and seven years later because of the guilt and shame for what I had done I came within milliseconds of taking my own life. Instead I saw my mom finding me and then got on my knees and cried out to A GOD I didn’t know that If He was real He better let me know in a hurry because I didn’t have much time. I had been introduced to a 12 step program because really I had been trying for a long time to drink myself to death. That’s how subtle sin is: I thought I was having fun. Doesn’t the Bible say that sin starts off real good and then it goes terribly bad. That the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. Well that’s what happened to me. After that prayer (if you can call it that) Oh He hears those prayers…The desperation ones from sinners…See I couldn’t figure out why all these years God was not even hearing MY PRAYERS, I always thought He was too busy with everybody else. So every day for 2 months, after praying that desperate prayer, I wanted to die. See it didn’t happen as fast as I wanted it too. I wanted some kind of bright light in my bedroom that night. That’s what I wanted. I wanted A Knight In Shining Armor for sure. But instead riding in my car one night all of a sudden listening to the radio the music changed. Instead of: My girl left me and my dog got run over-Hahaha-Country Music…It was (my perception had changed-or was it that I had been born again) the country singer was really singing to God…asking Him to help him. It was wild!!! And I felt like there was warm oil that started at my head and went all the way through me to my feet. I was filled with The Greatest Love and A Peace that no words can describe. I have not seen with my eyes or heard with my ears the same way from that day til this day. That was in October 1987. What is amazing and still amazes me to this day…The desire to drink or smoke anything has been taken from me. I haven’t had anything like that in years. And don’t even want to. That’s the miracle…The desire for those things, and others, have been taken from me by a Wondrous Loving Miracle Working God! I believe that with everything in me. Huh…Maybe that was the “claiming to be perfect” in Christians that I didn’t understand before. I didn’t understand or know about the part that now I am trying to be like Him. In Him. You see I have to be changed in order to be used by Him in a powerful way. This is really really and truly running a race for the high calling. Even after all the wonderful experiences I had had…there was another one that has made Jesus more real to me than some people are. This one has truly changed my life forever!!! I can see now how we definitely are going from glory to glory. I’ve seen times in my life when I felt like I was on the verge of breaking through something. Like I know I’m going to cross this Jordan to the other side. Anyway…Yep now I’m “weird” and wouldn’t have it any other way. My faith has grown as big as from here to the moon. My dad called me one day a few years ago and asked me for prayer!!! Oh my goodness…That one phone call changed everything!!! (I truly know The Spirit of God-The Holy Spirit is Leading and Guiding my life-for His Purpose and For His Glory…For the first time I went after The Healer with everything in me…I know I was saved way back when but was I really? I still had 2 or 3 feet in the world. Hahaha…But when my daddy called me saying that he needed prayer…He had been diagnosed with Alzeheimers. Oh my…I started reading The Bible in a different way with a new urgency to know The Truth and books from well known Pastors that I trusted…Books on The Holy Spirit and others. I had to have Him. I had to Know Him in a different way. I had to come out of the world and be IN HIM. I’m still not done seeking His Face. If there has ever been an addiction that brings life…It’s only Jesus…I can’t get enough of Him. Why was I even born? Circumstances happened, evolved…etc. etc. and I just plain am living His perfect plan for my life. It involved every prior experience of my life. Isn’t that just something!!! He is Amazing…He has shown me ways to get His Word out into my city…something I can do. I have written letters like Paul. I have had visions and dreams. Experiences for real in my very own bedroom. Seeing a light that was whiter than white enveloping my forearms and hands, my feet. Hearing in an audible voice…Scriptures…Living and believing The Words of The Bible. I have had my first and only child. I was just about as old as Sarah…Hahaha…I have asked Him…Lord, are you really sure about this? Hahaha…I have experienced seeing the end from before the beginning. I have seen things that will come to pass I just know it. Maybe not in my lifetime but just as Moses passed on before arriving in the Promised Land, I may have to pass on everything The Lord has given me-to my daughter-for it to be completed. But believe you me, hopes and dreams that seem like are completely gone…Well one day they pop up again…So I’m working on it!!! One day it was like, Oh Wow…That’s why she (my daughter) was born…That’s why I was born… Oh dear me…Our Lord and Our God gives us New Life…I’ve always heard that if somebody says, “I” too much they are real selfish…well “I” can’t figure out how to talk about my own experiences without saying “I” a lot. I’m asking continually to be changed to be molded into who He would have me be. Don’t want to be so selfish anymore. I sure am glad you were here when I found you…Found out that for me, The Father, Jesus and The Holy Spirit are 24/7...not just on Sunday… Pretty Amazing Stuff!!! And I Want More!!!