Sexually Abused

When I was 13, I got involved with church. It was right after my mother had gotten lung cancer, I had gotten saved, and then she was healed. I started singing in the choir, joined the church, got baptized, served on the drama team, gave devotions in youth group, and a lot of other stuff, I just don't want to bore you. I was 13 and my parents were not Christians. I rode the church van home from church every Sunday and Wednesday. After I got comfortable and settled into church, I noticed my youth director letting me go home last on the church van and choosing me to be in leadership positions over the rest of the youth. Some of the youth got mad and left our church. It was very evident, I just didn't understand why he chose me. But after a few rides on the church van, I figured out why. He didn't like me for my personality or even my Christ like attitude. He was going down a path that would hurt me more than I ever realized. That began the three years that I was sexually abused. I was threatened with his status in the community and as a new Christian, I thought that everyone's salvation that he had lead to Christ would be thrown down the drain and it wouldn't matter. For three years I thought I was holding the community's salvation in my hands. He was a basketball coach who took the team to state and he was wonderful in the community, but behind his mask, was somebody that only I seen. I played it off like nothing was going on. Defense mechanisms set up in me like I dont understand and probably never will. I was lost and confused. I finally told my boyfriend which was probably the hardest thing I had to do up until that point. I was an only child, my original parents were still married and life was great.....up until I got abused. It was not a one time thing. Every church ride home for 3 years became an abuse session. It took me 2 years after the abuse to realize that I didn't do anything wrong and that God loves me. I finally told and it is now in the court proceedings. I am not going to say I was never angry that it happened, but God has opened a lot of doors for me to helpother people with this issue. It has made me a lot stronger person. I still go to the same church because I dont want to run away from issues when they arise. God has taught me a lot and I am not to the point where I praise God that this did happen, but I am to the point that I am glad I can help others throughit. Thank you Lord for Your deliverance and Your daily strength as I am recovering. If there is anyone out there going through this or have a question, please feel free to message me on here.

When I was 13, I got involved with church. It was right after my mother had gotten lung cancer, I had gotten saved, and then she was healed. I started singing in the choir, joined the church, got baptized, served on the drama team, gave devotions in youth group, and a lot of other stuff, I just don't want to bore you. I was 13 and my parents were not Christians. I rode the church van home from church every Sunday and Wednesday. After I got comfortable and settled into church, I noticed my youth director letting me go home last on the church van and choosing me to be in leadership positions over the rest of the youth. Some of the youth got mad and left our church. It was very evident, I just didn't understand why he chose me. But after a few rides on the church van, I figured out why. He didn't like me for my personality or even my Christ like attitude. He was going down a path that would hurt me more than I ever realized. That began the three years that I was sexually abused. I was threatened with his status in the community and as a new Christian, I thought that everyone's salvation that he had lead to Christ would be thrown down the drain and it wouldn't matter. For three years I thought I was holding the community's salvation in my hands. He was a basketball coach who took the team to state and he was wonderful in the community, but behind his mask, was somebody that only I seen. I played it off like nothing was going on. Defense mechanisms set up in me like I dont understand and probably never will. I was lost and confused. I finally told my boyfriend which was probably the hardest thing I had to do up until that point. I was an only child, my original parents were still married and life was great.....up until I got abused. It was not a one time thing. Every church ride home for 3 years became an abuse session. It took me 2 years after the abuse to realize that I didn't do anything wrong and that God loves me. I finally told and it is now in the court proceedings. I am not going to say I was never angry that it happened, but God has opened a lot of doors for me to helpother people with this issue. It has made me a lot stronger person. I still go to the same church because I dont want to run away from issues when they arise. God has taught me a lot and I am not to the point where I praise God that this did happen, but I am to the point that I am glad I can help others throughit. Thank you Lord for Your deliverance and Your daily strength as I am recovering. If there is anyone out there going through this or have a question, please feel free to message me on here.

Ramon, do not get mad at this. I have been able to reach out to so many people. I have become a lot stronger. Now when the smaller things hit me, I am able to roll them off a lot better. I have been able to reach out to people who have been abused, some have come tome with suicides, some have just come to me with broken hearts. Yes, it was an awful road. I had to get my view back on church as a holy place. It was hard keeping my relationship with God. I sometimes struggled with doubts. There is still a long journey ahead of me. There are a lot of things you don't think about until it happens. Defense mechanisms are hard to overcome and recognizing them is even harder. I would never want to do it again, but I do know that God put me there for a reason and I think there will be something really big in the end. My biggest prayer is for God to be glorified.

Ramon, do not get mad at this. I have been able to reach out to so many people. I have become a lot stronger. Now when the smaller things hit me, I am able to roll them off a lot better. I have been able to reach out to people who have been abused, some have come tome with suicides, some have just come to me with broken hearts. Yes, it was an awful road. I had to get my view back on church as a holy place. It was hard keeping my relationship with God. I sometimes struggled with doubts. There is still a long journey ahead of me. There are a lot of things you don't think about until it happens. Defense mechanisms are hard to overcome and recognizing them is even harder. I would never want to do it again, but I do know that God put me there for a reason and I think there will be something really big in the end. My biggest prayer is for God to be glorified.