When I joined Christian Chat I did so to meet new friends. At the time I felt as if I was very close to the Lord and was going through a season of tangible closeness and felt as if I didn't have a care in the world. Shortly after this I got an opportunity to move to Ireland (Dublin). At the time I was residing in the UK (England to be exact). During my time in Dublin I had the opportunity to do higher education in integrative counselling and psychology. I really enjoyed this until we go to what is known as psychodynamic psychology. I know allot of Christians are against this, but I truly felt lead by the Lord, and was astounded how much my work fitted scripture through using different terminology. Psychodynamic psychology is just a posh way of a deeper work within oneself. One of the main premises of it is to make the unconscious- conscious. I have a pass of extreme trauma and abuse, and as a Christian I had already made the decision to forgive my transgressors. One of my main problems was through my parents. I was abused severely by my father, but because my father was dead many years, forgiveness towards him seemed easy. However through the work I did I realised that I had disorganised attachments when it came to making relationships.I found out this was common for people who had lived in an insecure and abusive environment. One moment I was extremely clingy towards prospective relationships, then I would draw away completely. After doing a study on how this affected families; I realised that this was prevalent not only within my own life but within the life of my mother and siblings. My brother suffer with severe mental health problems, and my younger brother who I used to be very close to suddenly confessed that he was a homosexual. It took me many years to even bring myself to talk to him. my older brother became abusive within many of his own relationships. I realised that my whole family was extremely negative and that when you speak with them they have nothing encouraging to say. We did an excersize dubbed the internal dialogue. It revealed the negativity that was generational prevalent within my family, something I personally struggled with. During this exersize I was affected deeply and was able to have a glimpse into how this curse affected my whole family. To quote some of the things that were relevant "Your useless, you will never make anything good of yourself, nobody loves you, your father tried to kill you thats how much he loved you". I began to put 2 and 2 together and realised this was the way that my mother though continually about herself. And what she thought in her heart, so she had become. I was angry at her because she was very negative and rude towards me ... I also suddenly had the revelation that although I said I forgave her, because I knew thats what God wanted and expected of me, and I wanted to please HIm- I still carried bitterness towards her and was still unable to forgive her on a deeper level because of the way that it continued to affected me today. I blamed her for many things, and yet when I saw this I become painfully aware that this was her thought pattern of herself. I felt compassion towards her and for the first time I cried and was able to let go of all the bitterness and un-forgiveness. I believe that forgiveness is 2 fold. 1. The choice or decision to forgive, but secondly healing. When David says the Lord restoreth my soul, I believe that Gods will is to restore. This psalm came to me as I pondered my family dilema, and although I have a long way to go with other family members, I wanted to share this, because as Christians we often think that the work of God is just down to us and yet I believe that God works through a process. I was not ready for this revelation a few years ago but God knew the correct time to reveal this to me. Relationships are paramount within the body of Christ, and yet (holding my hand up here) we tend to judge people by their external behaviours without really knowing the pain, grief, suffering and fear that they endure. Everyone copes with these things differently. Some people turn to academics, some to anger others to drugs. It taught me that when people are off with me, to take a stand back. I always remember that Jesus associated with what the religious people of the day would class as the scum of the earth and yet often these are the people that we judge the most. The Lord says that healthy people don't need a physician, and the longer `I walk with him the more I see that Jesus longs to reach people we class as the worst. When He heals people He reaches them where there at and then say "sin no more". Also when He talks about the body of Christ He says to esteem those we consider less than ourselves and to lift up and protect those that appear more shameful. These things have changed my perception greatly. I'm the only person who is saved in my family, it seems as if my family has fallen to pieces yet I will continue to show them grace and love.
I wanted to personally thank Christian chat because I find it difficult mixing with others. This has helped me allot to be able to communicate with others. I have made allot of mistakes in my life and paid dearly for them but I will continue to pursue God and show others the love and grace that God has shown me. I'm not pefefct by far but I pray that Gods love would perfect us all in Jesus name Amen.
I wanted to personally thank Christian chat because I find it difficult mixing with others. This has helped me allot to be able to communicate with others. I have made allot of mistakes in my life and paid dearly for them but I will continue to pursue God and show others the love and grace that God has shown me. I'm not pefefct by far but I pray that Gods love would perfect us all in Jesus name Amen.
