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I know, I am a sinner. And divorce is a sin. And the fruit of sin is death. So I, as every human on earth is depending on the love and mercy of God and salvation through Jesus Christ. I know also that God in his mercy doesn't give his children a bigger burden than they are able to carry. I know that we are tried and tested. And the love and mercy is new ever morning. And God is the God of restoration. And boy, do I need that, now!
But is God a God of second chances? I was married quite young. I soon saw he was addicted to alcohol, he verbally abused me constantly and was at times very violent. I moved out, filed for a separation but still prayed that it should be us. What happened was that he made another woman pregnant, and wanted to marry her. So those prayers and the hope were crushed once and for all. I felt humiliated and confused. Where is God?
I have tried to seek a spouse occasionally after that, without results. I was chatting with a man for 9 months. Christian, or at least he claimed to be. When I went to see him, he told me not to come and cut off all contact. Again the humiliation, and I was left as a fool. And I prayed. I was convinced I was going to marry him, that God himself brought us together... Praying in the Spirit, seeing visions, or so I thought... Not only do I feel humiliated, but also mocked and crushed and punished. I waited for him a year. Then I realized I had to move on. With a self esteem on -100, I got entagled with a man online that was a pervert, and he made me do things that are ungodly and foul. I am ashamed and I repent.
I want to seek a healthy relationship, Christ-centered, pure...And I want to avoid places were I can risk to meet the wrong sort. So this site... based on fellowship was just what I was looking for. Because fellowship in Christ is the best cure for loneliness there is! But what happens? A married man (that I am pretty sure said he was single) approached me, flattered me, and when he "caught" my attention and feelings, he reveals his married status. Of course I blocked him. And.... just a couple of days later, a fake profile that really knew how to play with my feelings pretending to be a Christian. So I fell for it. But... wisely enough, I googled his pic, and he turned out to have stolen it from another person. I googled some of the text... scamwarning, and phone number was on a different name. So he is now blocked. But still I feel hurt, humiliated, mocked and I feel God is punishing me. Not that I don't deserve it, but still.
So. What's next? Learn to accept to face the rest of my life alone, pray that Jesus will return soon and focus on following him? Still. I thought I was doing just that. Following him. Of course. It is not only a life alone that feels like a punishment. But to list up all those tragedies would be enough for three novels, so I skip it. The world doesn't have enough tissues for that. I just pray for some rest, comfort, joy and restoration.
But is God a God of second chances? I was married quite young. I soon saw he was addicted to alcohol, he verbally abused me constantly and was at times very violent. I moved out, filed for a separation but still prayed that it should be us. What happened was that he made another woman pregnant, and wanted to marry her. So those prayers and the hope were crushed once and for all. I felt humiliated and confused. Where is God?
I have tried to seek a spouse occasionally after that, without results. I was chatting with a man for 9 months. Christian, or at least he claimed to be. When I went to see him, he told me not to come and cut off all contact. Again the humiliation, and I was left as a fool. And I prayed. I was convinced I was going to marry him, that God himself brought us together... Praying in the Spirit, seeing visions, or so I thought... Not only do I feel humiliated, but also mocked and crushed and punished. I waited for him a year. Then I realized I had to move on. With a self esteem on -100, I got entagled with a man online that was a pervert, and he made me do things that are ungodly and foul. I am ashamed and I repent.
I want to seek a healthy relationship, Christ-centered, pure...And I want to avoid places were I can risk to meet the wrong sort. So this site... based on fellowship was just what I was looking for. Because fellowship in Christ is the best cure for loneliness there is! But what happens? A married man (that I am pretty sure said he was single) approached me, flattered me, and when he "caught" my attention and feelings, he reveals his married status. Of course I blocked him. And.... just a couple of days later, a fake profile that really knew how to play with my feelings pretending to be a Christian. So I fell for it. But... wisely enough, I googled his pic, and he turned out to have stolen it from another person. I googled some of the text... scamwarning, and phone number was on a different name. So he is now blocked. But still I feel hurt, humiliated, mocked and I feel God is punishing me. Not that I don't deserve it, but still.
So. What's next? Learn to accept to face the rest of my life alone, pray that Jesus will return soon and focus on following him? Still. I thought I was doing just that. Following him. Of course. It is not only a life alone that feels like a punishment. But to list up all those tragedies would be enough for three novels, so I skip it. The world doesn't have enough tissues for that. I just pray for some rest, comfort, joy and restoration.