Advice and any resources needed- adult abstinence

[Faithmovesgod]

I'm an over 40 divorced woman. My ex-husband left me for another woman and married her shortly after we divorced. Although and extremely difficult and painful experience. God completely held my hand during the whole process and lead me in every single way. HE certainly restored with the Locast had taken away and has helped me keep the joy that he gave me. I wouldn't allow his actions to change me. I really loved being married and now I'm ready for a new partner. Two things:
1. I'm having a hard time with the waiting to be really married part of abstaining. I really miss the intimacy of being married and would like to abstain until I get married again. I guess my faith is wavering.ive dated a bit but every man I meet doesn't want to wait. I wondering if there are any men out there that actually would wait with me until we decided to get married. I do trust that God has the right partner for me but, the waiting part is becoming very difficult. I also feel like the enemy is telling me this is impossible and really discouraging me. Anyone have any advice or resources I should look into to encourage me and help me have patience that there are men out there that are looking for the same thing. I Need faith that God will lead us to each other sooner than later. I know through God all things are possible and that he will give us the desires of our heart, but I'm feeling hopeless.
2. Please pray for me I'm feeling very depressed and very lonely.
Thank you thank you thank you for all your prayers and that anyone can send any resources that will help me , my way.

 

[Lynx]

I don't have any advice on the abstaining part, as I have never so much as been on a date before. I could give advice - you know what they say, "Every man knows what to do with a kicking mule... until he has one of his own" but my advice would probably be wrong. =^.^=

On the lonliness, depression, hopelessness though, I would ask what do you do with your free time? Do you sit at home a lot and watch TV? Do you go out partying with friends? Volunteer at a nursing home, do stuff around the church, have a hobby? The reason I ask is because a fulfilled life is a contented life, and if you don't have something you can pour your life into you will feel your life is useless and wasted, which usually leads to the feelings you described.

Please note, I'm working backward from what you described to a probable cause... I could be wrong, and I quite often am. =^.^=

 

[ServantStrike]

Well, I think it may be somewhat similar for anyone who doesn't literally get married straight out of high school to their youth group sweetheart.

I'm an under 30 (not by much) single guy, but I will say that a large number of women in my age bracket also expect to seal the deal as part of the "natural progression of the relationship." Seriously, even the people who want to hook me up with a girlfriend are like "we'll see about that" when they find out I'm interested in everything but sex.

I haven't had the intimacy of waking up next to someone, but I imagine that's pretty painful to lose. All I can really say is you already know what you've got to do, and don't let anyone you date try to convince you to do otherwise. Good things come to those who wait.

Have you tried vigorous excercise? Play with weights if you can - the heavier the better (and then some mild cardio afterwards for 10-20 mins to increase blood flow and decrease lactic acid buildup in torn muscle). It helps a lot. Seriously you'll find yourself quite relaxed.

 

[INTJer]

That is a difficult situation. I know there are guys with the attitude that they have been "nice" for x number of dates, so that makes them entitled to sex. If a man is willing to wait, he is less likely to think he can keep his options open once he is married. That would also help ensure it is real love and not just infatuation.

 

[Shouryu]

There ARE men out there who are also waiting, to please the Lord and not their flesh; they are simply incredibly difficult to find. The same is true with women of a similar mindset, to the point that I've stopped looking altogether. In general, the less you care about finding a new potential spouse, and the more you care about serving God in all things and in all ways, the more you'll stop noticing that you're lonely in simply be content in His grace. I woke up next to a beautiful woman for six years, and was devestatingly painful to know that she was now waking up next to someone else instead of me, focusing on Christ and time has done much to make it pass. (It took almost three years for me to stop sleeping on "my side," and to finally start rolling or flopping to the opposite side some nights now.)

Be paitient, faithful, and prayerful. Study your Word, and trust in Him.

 

[Faithmovesgod]

Very encouraging words. I am a runner and am out and about a lot. I have great freinds but they don't understand why I want to abstain. I'm a pretty attractive women but not a lot of men ask me out. I guess they thank I'm taken. Thank you for the suggestions . Be blessed

 

[Faithmovesgod]

Thank you but I can't image waiting 3 years. I know I'm not meant to be single. I was cheated on and now I'm alone. I'm just discouraged because I gave everything in my marriage and it still failed. Don't get me wrong, I haven't loss faith it just seems impossible.

 

[MisterHarmony]

I understand how much that cultural belief of sex being something natural in the relationship can hurt. The expectation can make you feel hopeless. For me, it makes me feel very left behind, left out and helpless at times. The only thing I would want to point out is that if you did meet someone and had sex before marriage and for some reason he went away, that could be completely devastating, maybe even reopen past marriage wounds. You are doing something very wise, morally and emotionally to abstain from sex before marriage.
Please know I have prayed for you.
God bless.

 

[zeroturbulence]

I'm an over 40 divorced woman. My ex-husband left me for another woman and married her shortly after we divorced. Although and extremely difficult and painful experience. God completely held my hand during the whole process and lead me in every single way. HE certainly restored with the Locast had taken away and has helped me keep the joy that he gave me. I wouldn't allow his actions to change me. I really loved being married and now I'm ready for a new partner. Two things:
1. I'm having a hard time with the waiting to be really married part of abstaining. I really miss the intimacy of being married and would like to abstain until I get married again. I guess my faith is wavering.ive dated a bit but every man I meet doesn't want to wait. I wondering if there are any men out there that actually would wait with me until we decided to get married. I do trust that God has the right partner for me but, the waiting part is becoming very difficult. I also feel like the enemy is telling me this is impossible and really discouraging me. Anyone have any advice or resources I should look into to encourage me and help me have patience that there are men out there that are looking for the same thing. I Need faith that God will lead us to each other sooner than later. I know through God all things are possible and that he will give us the desires of our heart, but I'm feeling hopeless.
2. Please pray for me I'm feeling very depressed and very lonely.
Thank you thank you thank you for all your prayers and that anyone can send any resources that will help me , my way.

Here is an article that might be of some help.

As for me, I wish I could say that I've been successfully abstinent for several years now, but who am I kidding.. I probably couldn't find a willing partner if my life depended on it.

10 Ways to Practice Purity | Ignite Your Faith

 

[Faithmovesgod]

It was very encouraging to hear someone say that there are men out there that are in the same situation as me and that really want to wait. Please just say a quick prayer for me that I wait for God's timing and not be years and years and years . Thanks