B
I walked out of the house in a good mood and i got around my family and everything went downhill from their. My flesh took over,I didnt phsically sin(that i know of) but my mind was all over the place.....wondering about what others thought or we're thinking about me....judgmental thoughts....curse words.....everything you can think of basically. I tried to remind myself a couple of times that I belong to God and to be positive etc etc. I would try to repent in my mind or when i got to myself but that really didn't work because their was so much chaos around me. And the family I have isnt into the Christian lifestyle(that i really know of) at all so the anger, cursing, guns, ignorance, judging of others, and complaining was all about the air. But i did when i came home but I didn't feel as sincere or normal as usual but it was as sincere as i could be. I am constantly in and out of sadness, the feeling of failure and depression with this situation. This is one of the hardest things Ive ever done ....giving my whole life away....Ive never been this fearful and stressed before...This battle for a good relationship with God seems to have me in the air every now and then or being dragged across the rocks. I seek his face and feel nothing most of the time... I cry out to asking him to speak to me...show me something, anything just help me but most times I hear nothing. I know these problems may seem minor and insignificant to some but this is killing me. Seriously, sometimes I wish I found him earlier so it wouldn't have been so attached to the world or been born stillborn so I never would've have to deal with this world, honestly. Something has to be wrong with me or either he just doesn't wanna be bothered with me....idk but this driving me nuts. I ask the only couple of people I know that know about God and I kinda get bit and pieces or what feels like temporary advice but i long for eternal advice everyone wants to just give me sappy answers though. Somethings gotta give
Sorry about the rambling guys I kind of just typed what is on my mind at the moment.
Sorry about the rambling guys I kind of just typed what is on my mind at the moment.