J
Hey guys, I'm really new here and I need some huge help. I made an account here just to talk about this. Lately, I have been sinning a lot through my thoughts and I didn't stop them. It all started when I got hit by blasphemous thoughts about Jesus and God and the Holy Spirit a few months ago. I didn't mean to say and think all of those weird thoughts, and I couldn't stop them. I wasn't a true Christian back then, I just believed Christianity from my parents and wasn't really into it, but that experience (the blasphemous thoughts) made me come to Jesus and I became close to Him. Anyways, it's a really loooong story and it would be confusing and embarassing if I wrote it here, so I'll try to summarize it. I talked to my mom about it and she helped me. But I was so scared I have comitted the unforgivable sin, I was already scared by it when I was little. Then I saw the bible verse which mentions it (blasphemy towards the Holy Spirit) which told that it was when the pharisees saw the casting out of demons miracles of Jesus and they said He used the power of (you know) and Jesus heard them and said that all sins were forgiven but the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit was not. I searched websites about it just to make sure I hadn't done it. I thought I had comitted it because the blasphemous thoughts were sometimes about the Holy Spirit. I was really scared back then and I searched day and night for that. This happened for a while, and suddenly I came to this website where there were people's testimonies and I read that t someone had experienced it too and got restored, and I became relieved because I was not alone. But I also read that the unforgivable sin was saying and believing Jesus used the power of (you know) and I also became worried again because when I had those blasphemous thoughts I sort of believed it and I became a little suspicious of Jesus (i know that I shouldn't have believed it, it's a lie) and I would have these theories in my mind. This went on for weeks, I became suspicious about Christianity but my mom would always say that Jesus is the true God and "don't believe the pharisees, they were just jealous of Him and said that". I then began asking if the Bible was true and if God never lied, and my mom gave a whole lot of sites which proved Christianity to be true. I read all of them and I believed some of it. And also, when I woke up from my sleep I would have instantly have blasphemous thoughts and they were really annoying. I ate very little at those times and I was always grumpy. Then, little by little, I realized that Jesus was the true God and that I was stupid about believing those ideas. I decided to put my trust in Him from then on (although i still worried about the unforgivable sin) and not on those pharisees. I then became very prayerful, I rededicated my life to Jesus and started reading the Bible. then, when Good Friday came, I attended a service and saw that Jesus was tortured and mocked and all and I was so touched by it and i thought "i have those blasphemous thoughts but God still loves me because He died for me so I will not die and go to Hell" and i thanked Him for that. But after a while I was on and off with my relationship with God and slowly I started to sin and decided to rebel Him, but I think He brought me back by convictions.
Then one night I was in the bathroom and I started to think about drugs, drinking, porn, and I started to think "how could that be a sin? It's ok to do those right?" Yes i was so stupid to think about that but then I believed it and i had a war with my mind and I had a terrible headache and I started to have bad and weird dreams but then i asked forgiveness and went back on and off. Then I started to hate God (for no reason) and I just became so angry that I sinned in my mind by thinking about evil acts and I enjoyed them. It's too long to tell about all of it, so long story short, my heart was so hardened and i intentionally sweared at Him in my head, and I can't feel conviction anymore and I feel like humans are weird and i feel everything is strange! Please help me! I don't know what to do, and I can't be like amazed by God anymore and I can't love Him anymore like I used to,, please help! What should I do? Sorry if this was too long, I just needed to tell everything! There is still so much to tell, but they're embarassing. I can't talk to my mom about this anymore, cause she has already given me some advice and I don't want to say this again to her. Please help, I don't want to go to hell, also if i think about receiving the 666 chip it doesn't bother me anymore like it used to. Any advice or help please? Thanks so much!
Then one night I was in the bathroom and I started to think about drugs, drinking, porn, and I started to think "how could that be a sin? It's ok to do those right?" Yes i was so stupid to think about that but then I believed it and i had a war with my mind and I had a terrible headache and I started to have bad and weird dreams but then i asked forgiveness and went back on and off. Then I started to hate God (for no reason) and I just became so angry that I sinned in my mind by thinking about evil acts and I enjoyed them. It's too long to tell about all of it, so long story short, my heart was so hardened and i intentionally sweared at Him in my head, and I can't feel conviction anymore and I feel like humans are weird and i feel everything is strange! Please help me! I don't know what to do, and I can't be like amazed by God anymore and I can't love Him anymore like I used to,, please help! What should I do? Sorry if this was too long, I just needed to tell everything! There is still so much to tell, but they're embarassing. I can't talk to my mom about this anymore, cause she has already given me some advice and I don't want to say this again to her. Please help, I don't want to go to hell, also if i think about receiving the 666 chip it doesn't bother me anymore like it used to. Any advice or help please? Thanks so much!