Hi William
There are many who have not lived and still not living a faithful Christian life.
What is important is you have returned with the help of God.
In God's eyes sin is sin.
From the moment you have believed, accepted Christ you are saved.
Allow Him to be your strength. He is more than able to do so.
Do not hate yourself that is how the devil begins to get a stronghold in our lives because he uses our weaknesses against us.
He is a destroyer and will continue his work till his last day.
Read the word and give Him the praise! As you read claim the promises over your life. Say it out loud such as I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me, I am a new creation in Christ, I am redeemed and sanctified by the blood of Jesus, I have the victory in Jesus. I am sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise. I AM with you always even to the end of days.
Declare His greatness He is mighty He is holy He is all powerful etc Declare His works. Humble yourself before Him.
God loves you unconditionally! Nothing can separate us from the love of God.
He does not care about what you have done before He cares about what you are doing now!
Jesus said "Come to me all who are heavy burden and I will give you rest!"
He took all your sins upon that cross all everyone. His blood redeems you. He paid the debt we owed that is death for the wages of sin is death. If we believe in Him even if we die we shall live because He is life.
When you pray put on the full armor of God so you can fight off the fiery attacks of the devil. Ask God to guard your heart and your mind so the devil cannot obtain a stronghold in you.
Tell Satan that God has forgiven you your sins that you have been washed and cleansed by the blood.
Do not fear just believe for the Lord thy God is with thee.
Let go and let God take full control of your situation. Hand it over to Him. He is greater than all of us combined and our circumstances combined.
It is good to have a broken and contrite spirit this God loves. If you look at the word and look at the people whom God worked with the people were the ones whom society didn't think much of or were not good looking enough or did not come from a established family. God loves humility so His greatness can be shown! Be encouraged He shall finish the work He began in you!
So my brother do not be discouraged go to God in prayer pour out your heart and offer up to Him sacrifices of praise and thanksgiving. Worship Him and ask Him to send the Holy Spirit to minister to you as you read the word. God does not change He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.
In Jesus mighty name