Figured I'd share what I wrote to my e.d last night...
Dearest Bulimia,
You have been my best friend for going on seventeen years now. You helped me through being abused and told me it would be okay if I only followed you. Bulimia, you saved me from being bullied and told me if I just looked better than them they would have no grounds to pick on me. You showed me beauty, perfection, and gave me hope and love. I love you Bulimia, I must or I wouldn't have stood for such abuse for so long.
Yes, Bulimia, what you have been doing is covering your abusive actions behind acts of kindness. Remember the time you told me I was beautiful but I would be better if I just purged once more and I listened? Or, the all too many times you told me I didn't have to worry about how much food I ate that day, I could just get rid of it later. How about the time you told me I would never be good enough for anyone if I didn't listen to you? Or the countless times you let your friend Anorexia control me too and you both yelled that I didn't deserve to eat and locked me in my room for days or a week at a time? Even worse than all of this, do you remember Bulimia the time you put me in the hospital with a heart beat of 40 and stood in front of me crying saying you didn't mean to, and when the doctors put me in the hospital for a year you would tell me it wouldn't get that bad again if only I would take you back? So, I did.
Six years after that I am slowly finding my strength apart from you and seeing myself through the eyes of God. I do not know much about him but I know he loves me with an everlasting love and he told me that you Bulimia have been very abusive towards me and made me feel like I am unworthy of anyone's love. But, this is just not true.
I have to let you go Bulimia, this is very difficult for me but I have to say goodbye and when you try to come back again like I know you will, I will ignore you and run to God and tell him you are trying to hurt me and he will send you far away because he loves me more than you.
Sincerely, Never yours again!