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S
You know, I just have to shut this one down. I don't know WHERE the Christian community has gotten the idea that this is normal or common in the world (maybe it's because we see it in tv shows and movies), but as someone who spent a decade or so living the worldly life, I can tell you, this is NOT normal. Maybe it was normal in the 80s, but these days? Nope. I went out on a decent number of first dates in college, and chatted up LOTS of women at parties. Of all of them, I can think of ONE that was willing to hop into bed with me on the first night meeting me (and no, I didn't). (And as some of the people here on the forums can testify, I may not be Ryan Gosling, but I'm no Jack Black, either.) While I did notice SOME people engaged in promiscuous behaviour, it was the exception, NOT the norm.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that what we have in Christ isn't better than what the world offers. But I think if we are to properly represent Christ, we have to be honest and truthful about things...and that means being truthful about secular people as well.
This is why I insist that the word "dating" is really just semantics. Christian dating and world dating are the same thing: dating. What's dating? It's spending time with another person with the intent of a romantic connection. Oh, you don't go on dates, but you spend all your time together on the phone or on skype, and you have romantic intentions? That's dating. You had dinner and a movie five different times and kissed them on the third one? That's dating. You're spending time with someone in the church, getting to know them slowly with the hopes and intents of marrying them? THAT'S FLIPPING DATING. You can call it courting or pre-engagement or whatever fancy term you want to...it all boils down to the same thing. And whether you do it by hitting on someone at a bar, getting their number, and then grinding genitals a week or four later; or whether you do it by sitting next to the same single woman at church every year and having lunch with her family twice a week, it's STILL spending your time with someone with romantic intentions.
Short of arranged marriage (and man, could we have a field day with THAT one!), it really is just semantics.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying that what we have in Christ isn't better than what the world offers. But I think if we are to properly represent Christ, we have to be honest and truthful about things...and that means being truthful about secular people as well.
This is why I insist that the word "dating" is really just semantics. Christian dating and world dating are the same thing: dating. What's dating? It's spending time with another person with the intent of a romantic connection. Oh, you don't go on dates, but you spend all your time together on the phone or on skype, and you have romantic intentions? That's dating. You had dinner and a movie five different times and kissed them on the third one? That's dating. You're spending time with someone in the church, getting to know them slowly with the hopes and intents of marrying them? THAT'S FLIPPING DATING. You can call it courting or pre-engagement or whatever fancy term you want to...it all boils down to the same thing. And whether you do it by hitting on someone at a bar, getting their number, and then grinding genitals a week or four later; or whether you do it by sitting next to the same single woman at church every year and having lunch with her family twice a week, it's STILL spending your time with someone with romantic intentions.
Short of arranged marriage (and man, could we have a field day with THAT one!), it really is just semantics.
when my brother-in-law and sister started dating, he first asked my dad for permission. instead of an adult chaperon, i was it lol and it was painful cuz i was 9 yrs old! i didn't want to hang out with a couple!!! even when he would come to the house to visit, they had to stay in the living room and i had to be there as well. gah! lol
S
It seems like typical Shour to me. The man always sticks to his guns. Perhaps his guns are barking after a heavy day at the gym or something too.
I think he's right though, other than the sleeping around part, Christians and secular people do the same thing with dating - they're looking for someone to spend their life with. If you look at it, he's even right about the sex thing. Most people who date in the secular world usually wait to have sex with someone who is "special" to them, and then they usually do it with people who they date for a little while. However many serious relationships is however many people they slept with. It isn't always just hook up with the first person you meet.
I guess in recent years with all of the hook up sites etc, then dating isn't always just dating, it can be about just plain sex. Or to put it another way, I suppose there are some in the secular world who take one aspect of the entire relationship process and remove it from the relationship process. Heck I'm sure there are people who call themselves Christians and do it.
I think he's right though, other than the sleeping around part, Christians and secular people do the same thing with dating - they're looking for someone to spend their life with. If you look at it, he's even right about the sex thing. Most people who date in the secular world usually wait to have sex with someone who is "special" to them, and then they usually do it with people who they date for a little while. However many serious relationships is however many people they slept with. It isn't always just hook up with the first person you meet.
I guess in recent years with all of the hook up sites etc, then dating isn't always just dating, it can be about just plain sex. Or to put it another way, I suppose there are some in the secular world who take one aspect of the entire relationship process and remove it from the relationship process. Heck I'm sure there are people who call themselves Christians and do it.
You were probably there more for indemnity than vigilance. In other words you weren't there so much to make sure they didn't do anything, as to keep anyone from being able to CLAIM they did anything.
Were I to go on a date, I don't know who I would take along. Maybe my grandmother, if she's feeling up to it. Maybe the lady would have a relative who could go along. Or maybe I'd just say forget it - I'm 36, who cares what people think anymore?
Were I to go on a date, I don't know who I would take along. Maybe my grandmother, if she's feeling up to it. Maybe the lady would have a relative who could go along. Or maybe I'd just say forget it - I'm 36, who cares what people think anymore?
Z
Shouryu has gained quite a bit of respect from me over his time on here, and I agree with him 100% on his post. When God says we should be different from the world it's based on acting in love towards people, and a desire to reach the heart of God. Not on how we're dating or whether or not we're dating.