Don't know how much you know about computers and this site so will keep it simple.
First, if you click on my user name it will give you several options including send a mail which is private. For chat rooms you click on the chat rooms link on the top left which will take you to a new page. Near the top just under the donate banner, you will see 3 fields. Chose the options that suit your situation(like whether you are on dialup or highspeed internet), then click the chat now button. This will pop up a new window, if it doesn't you may have to check you popup settings. This puts you directly into the lounge chat room, from there you can click on the rooms at the top to change rooms. If you want to Private message someone double click on their username and it will popup a small chat window within the main chat window.
Hope this helps, if not let me know.
Steven