R
No, it's not the struggle of not believing that's not my problem. I know Jesus is my Lord o God but its understanding and following I struggle with. I'm in a place God wants me, but I'm not happy, but I know why I'm where I am-I'm needed.
People say you have to suffer for God, and I only half know what this means, but not fully. But the part I think I understand is that in is life you will suffer greatly and its God testing you seeing if your faith wavers.
And then I hear it said if you don't suffer (or suffer enough) then God is not with you because he has no need to test you because you are not his. And its this part that worries me. For you see, most of my life I have been, what I feel is, protected-overly so! or a better word I guess I could use is 'sheltered'. When bad things could or 'should' happen to me, they don;t yet to another believer more worthy then I gets the pain I should have had. -and just so were clear- what I mean is, if I was to walk across a busy street without a cross walk I would make it to the other end just fine-yet other person more worthy then me crosses the very same street, they are hit, they live-but not without some broken bones.
This is just my dumb extreme example of what I"m talking about-chances are if I did that for real I would be hit and not live. lol
But back to my point of this-whatever I'm typing-my struggle goes deeper-
People see me get to know me they call me sweet kind, ect....but I know its not true. I listen to rap music, I LOVE hard rock and metal just as much as I love Jazz and Christian music. I'm ok with gays, no I don't think its 'right' but I would never 'not support' them ( if I knew them other wise-well then I have no need, I'm not signing any 'I support' papers, nor protesting) the place God has put me right now is to take care of a lady who is in fact-well, you can put the puzzle together. She has been through hell and back, and she is a much better person then I am, yet....anyways, I'm starting to get off topic.
I struggle with myself, what I like-what makes me happy. (and I'm almost always happy) another thing I don't get seeing as-well I'm not worthy of such a gift. Also the reason I'm writing this is because I read this 4 Teachings of Jesus That His Followers (Almost) Never Take Seriously
People say you have to suffer for God, and I only half know what this means, but not fully. But the part I think I understand is that in is life you will suffer greatly and its God testing you seeing if your faith wavers.
And then I hear it said if you don't suffer (or suffer enough) then God is not with you because he has no need to test you because you are not his. And its this part that worries me. For you see, most of my life I have been, what I feel is, protected-overly so! or a better word I guess I could use is 'sheltered'. When bad things could or 'should' happen to me, they don;t yet to another believer more worthy then I gets the pain I should have had. -and just so were clear- what I mean is, if I was to walk across a busy street without a cross walk I would make it to the other end just fine-yet other person more worthy then me crosses the very same street, they are hit, they live-but not without some broken bones.
This is just my dumb extreme example of what I"m talking about-chances are if I did that for real I would be hit and not live. lol
But back to my point of this-whatever I'm typing-my struggle goes deeper-
People see me get to know me they call me sweet kind, ect....but I know its not true. I listen to rap music, I LOVE hard rock and metal just as much as I love Jazz and Christian music. I'm ok with gays, no I don't think its 'right' but I would never 'not support' them ( if I knew them other wise-well then I have no need, I'm not signing any 'I support' papers, nor protesting) the place God has put me right now is to take care of a lady who is in fact-well, you can put the puzzle together. She has been through hell and back, and she is a much better person then I am, yet....anyways, I'm starting to get off topic.
I struggle with myself, what I like-what makes me happy. (and I'm almost always happy) another thing I don't get seeing as-well I'm not worthy of such a gift. Also the reason I'm writing this is because I read this 4 Teachings of Jesus That His Followers (Almost) Never Take Seriously