Hi Redwings. I know this hurts and broken trust is a difficult thing to get over. But your wife seems truly repentant.
It is wonderful that you have forgiven your wife.
I think your wife believes you that you have forgiven her. I seem to sense she feels a relief, that you have forgiven her, in the way she expressed herself.
I think the problem is that she has a great difficulty forgiving herself.
As for dealing with your own hurt, I know this feels personal, but it is not really personal in a spiritual context. Paul separates the sin in him from himself.
As Christians we are not immune from sin. We should not try to be sinless in our own strength, but we need God's strength. If we could do it ourselves, then Jesus would not have needed to die on the cross.
Falling into sin and standing up again in regret and repentance makes us stronger as Christians. Like going to the gym and pressing our muscles builds physical strength, so sincere repentance makes us spiritually stronger.
Your wife was in an emotionally and spiritually weak state and followed a temptation. In our modern Western world we are subjected to temptations in a way that was unimaginable 50 years ago. Coming to her senses makes her less susceptible to temptations in future. She in now very aware of her weakness and therefore can avoid falling into that trap.
Your hurt from your feelings of betrayal is natural, but the ones rejected are the perverts she chatted with.
She wants you, and you are the man in her life.
Mt 18:21-22 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus said unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.