A
Most of my life I've dealt with depression and self harm tendencies to numb that pain. Recently I've been feeling more depressed after losing one of two jobs and struggling to support not only myself but my 16 year old brother and ailing grandmother. My father was very abusive growing up and my mother was more verbally abusive. My brother and I are out of that sitiuation bit it still haunts us, I'm worried about my brother because he has become very rebellious and I do not want him getting into trouble. No one in my extended family cares enough to help and I'm at my wits end.
Yes I pray. No I see no improvements.
I feel like numbing the pain more but I don't at the same time. Fighting this depression is hard.
Sometimes i look at my scars and think...noone will notice if i open an old one...but i will. I cant.
Yes I pray. No I see no improvements.
I feel like numbing the pain more but I don't at the same time. Fighting this depression is hard.
Sometimes i look at my scars and think...noone will notice if i open an old one...but i will. I cant.
You can pm me and/ or leave me an offline, and you can usually find me in the Lounge room. I have dealt with depression my entire life, starting around age 9 or 10. One night I went and got my mom's scissors from her sewing room (this was in the middle of the night, btw) and I brought them back to my bedroom. My intent was to stab myself in the stomach with them. However, being the wimp that I am, lol, (I cant stand pain), I chickened out. I was maybe 12 or 13 when I did that. My entire life has been filled with hurt and disappointment. Many times I have thought about suicide, and have even attempted it more than once. Sometimes, the ONLY thing stopping me from doing it is the thought that I wont get to heaven if I do. I dont wanna burn in hell for taking my life and going against God's commandment to not kill. Like your mother, my mother was mentally abusive. For some people, that is worse than verbal or physical abuse. It certainly did a number on my head!! A couple years ago, I had alot going on--I had cancer, problems with my mother, and a wicked infestation of fleas in my house. It all culminated in me telling my dad on the phone that I hated my mother, and bawling my eyes out wishing my cancer would return and take me out of this world. I could literally get a vision in my head of my body swinging back and forth from a rafter on my back porch. That was the straw that broke the camels back. I vowed never to let my head get filled with those thoughts and visions ever again. For the most part, I'm fine now, but I do have the occasional thought so I banish the one who puts it there.