Emotional Affair

[Snowymtn]

I am seeking guidance and prayers....I am a 30 year old married woman with two kids. I love my husband and my children so much. Last year was very tough-my mom got diagnosed with cancer and I found out I needed a very big surgery that entailed a large recovery. My husband and I grew emotionally distant and I started growing my friendship with two men. For a few months I was giving more of my emotional self to these men-talking about my anxiety and depression issues as well as work things (they are coworkers)-my husband knew I was friends with them but not to what extent. I didn't tell my husband how much I was talking to them -both in person and on text message. This went on for a few months and after my surgery and recovery I had a major talk with God and realized this could be headed down a dangerous path. I instantly told one of them we shouldn't be friends anymore as I thought it was unhealthy for me and my marriage....I also just stopped reaching out and communicating with the other... it has been very easy to cold turkey cut off all communication with them and I have not talked to them other than a quick work hello in over 4 months.....recently I have been overcome with guilt. I feel as though I had some short emotional affairs on my husband and never told him. I tried to tell him but couldnt work up the courage. Our marriage is great right now and I am worried what it could do ......it was also months and months ago....

 

[Ariel82]

What does God tell you?

It is good that you stopped texting and reaching out to them.

Are you asking if you should tell your husband or not?

Do you think telling him will make you feel less guilty?

Are you worried that telling him Or not telling him will hurt your marriage?

You don't have to answer out loud any of these question. Pray about it and we will pray that God can give you,the wisdom.

 

[tourist]

I am seeking guidance and prayers....I am a 30 year old married woman with two kids. I love my husband and my children so much. Last year was very tough-my mom got diagnosed with cancer and I found out I needed a very big surgery that entailed a large recovery. My husband and I grew emotionally distant and I started growing my friendship with two men. For a few months I was giving more of my emotional self to these men-talking about my anxiety and depression issues as well as work things (they are coworkers)-my husband knew I was friends with them but not to what extent. I didn't tell my husband how much I was talking to them -both in person and on text message. This went on for a few months and after my surgery and recovery I had a major talk with God and realized this could be headed down a dangerous path. I instantly told one of them we shouldn't be friends anymore as I thought it was unhealthy for me and my marriage....I also just stopped reaching out and communicating with the other... it has been very easy to cold turkey cut off all communication with them and I have not talked to them other than a quick work hello in over 4 months.....recently I have been overcome with guilt. I feel as though I had some short emotional affairs on my husband and never told him. I tried to tell him but couldnt work up the courage. Our marriage is great right now and I am worried what it could do ......it was also months and months ago....

I really do not consider what you have done as having an affair, emotionally or otherwise. Apparently, due to your husband being distant, possibly because he became overwhelmed with all the hard circumstances, you used these two men as an outlet for your own emotional well being. While understandable, this was not wise on your part but you were wise to end it abruptly.

I would proceed with the wise counsel Ariel82 has provided.

Glad to have you join us. Welcome to CC.

 

[Hungry]

For what it's worth, I would be happier not knowing. You did what you needed to do. What if you tell him and he goes nuts? What if he doesn't care at all? What if he tells you that he had several emotional affairs? Marriage is such a roller coaster. You are going to have times of bliss and times of pain. We all grow and change, just not at the same pace. Enjoy this time of closeness, and feel no guilt. You did good.

 

[88]

I am seeking guidance and prayers....I am a 30 year old married woman with two kids. I love my husband and my children so much. Last year was very tough-my mom got diagnosed with cancer and I found out I needed a very big surgery that entailed a large recovery. My husband and I grew emotionally distant and I started growing my friendship with two men. For a few months I was giving more of my emotional self to these men-talking about my anxiety and depression issues as well as work things (they are coworkers)-my husband knew I was friends with them but not to what extent. I didn't tell my husband how much I was talking to them -both in person and on text message. This went on for a few months and after my surgery and recovery I had a major talk with God and realized this could be headed down a dangerous path. I instantly told one of them we shouldn't be friends anymore as I thought it was unhealthy for me and my marriage....I also just stopped reaching out and communicating with the other... it has been very easy to cold turkey cut off all communication with them and I have not talked to them other than a quick work hello in over 4 months.....recently I have been overcome with guilt. I feel as though I had some short emotional affairs on my husband and never told him. I tried to tell him but couldnt work up the courage. Our marriage is great right now and I am worried what it could do ......it was also months and months ago....

*** (praying)*** seems your out if this problem, why bring it up and start new problems*** unless the Lord shows you to bring it up it's probably better to leave it and stay out of future problems...

 

[Chris1975]

Looks like you have repented (had a change of heart) over this matter. Now ask God to forgive you. His forgiveness is a complete forgiveness, and He remembers this no more.

Then importantly - Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself as God has forgiven you. God chooses to remember your sins no more. You should do the same. This will deal with the feelings of guilt.

Now focus on the Word of God, the things of the Spirit, and not the things of the flesh. Don't allow your thoughts to go back to what you did. They are dealt with. Don't open that door again.

Then open up to your husband about the need to talk to him about your personal concerns, and the need you have to share the load/stresses with him. Let him know if you feel that he is not open to this, and whether he can be more accommodating. The key here is that your husband should be the go-to person and not these other men.

As to whether you feel the need to share the details about what happened a few months back - give it to the Lord in prayer.

God bless.

 

[PeterJens]

I am seeking guidance and prayers....I am a 30 year old married woman with two kids. I love my husband and my children so much. Last year was very tough-my mom got diagnosed with cancer and I found out I needed a very big surgery that entailed a large recovery. My husband and I grew emotionally distant and I started growing my friendship with two men. For a few months I was giving more of my emotional self to these men-talking about my anxiety and depression issues as well as work things (they are coworkers)-my husband knew I was friends with them but not to what extent. I didn't tell my husband how much I was talking to them -both in person and on text message. This went on for a few months and after my surgery and recovery I had a major talk with God and realized this could be headed down a dangerous path. I instantly told one of them we shouldn't be friends anymore as I thought it was unhealthy for me and my marriage....I also just stopped reaching out and communicating with the other... it has been very easy to cold turkey cut off all communication with them and I have not talked to them other than a quick work hello in over 4 months.....recently I have been overcome with guilt. I feel as though I had some short emotional affairs on my husband and never told him. I tried to tell him but couldnt work up the courage. Our marriage is great right now and I am worried what it could do ......it was also months and months ago....

Emotional support from people is part of what we need in life.
Friendship always has boundaries. To have support from others is a good thing,
and because you feel for others this is not unfaithfulness. If you did not feel
affection or the need to give support and be supported you would not be human.

What is sad is you do not value friendship for what it is. Intimacy is something
more, but not the same. As christian brothers and sisters we are called to
support and serve one another, with no hint of sexual immorality.

What is sad is you felt somehow the support you sort and were given was inappropriate.
It makes me understand why people have such a limited view of what support really
is when they want to live such independent lives.

 

[Stephen63]

The thing with emotional affairs is you were the one attached..... who knows whether the two guys were.

emotionally attached is one thing.....physically attached is another.

Unless there's something you're not telling us, you're only guilty of thinking about it.

You need to talk it out with God, & forgive yourself.

I also noticed you never mentioned whether or not your husband & you are saved or not. My guess is no, because the church was never mentioned in your whole story, especially for help in the healing process.

Every good marriage involves three..... Christ first, spouse second, & self last. If this isn't the order, there is no order.

 

[EarnestQ]

You had a temptation. You passed. Get over it and get on with your life.

 

[lovingladyo4]

I personally don't think any of us here can answer that question for you - it is between you and the Lord. People are tempted and lured all the time and the good news is that you caught yourself and chose not to proceed. The trap was set but you recognized it as such and turned the other way. If it were me, I would consider it over and done with.

If Christians are honest with themselves, we all fall prone to the deceptions of this world, whether it be thought patterns, attitude, behavior, discipline, negligence, indifference, etc. That's why Jesus provided us with the power of His blood through forgiveness. I don't think every single one of those requires us to confess it to another person, but rather to God.

But the bottom line is to consider why you feel the need to communicate this to your husband; it is to get out from under the guilt and you need a clean slate, is it because you feel that is what the Lord would have you do, or is it because it would lead to conversations that would bring you closer together? Does your husband confess every tempatation he is faced with, and does he confess every single one of them to you?

These are just some things to think about. Only the Lord can tell you what to do.