Experience

[Powemm]

I think the "type" of relationship we get into is based " primarily" of where our focus lies..a good chance for failure or success in one might be in many of the struggles relationships are suffering from
Today.. The focus is more on what "we" are "getting" on the receiving end , Wich most are ending in disasters because of this .. Instead of thriving and surviving in our "true" resource from Wich we are obtaining all we need "God"..when we figure this out .. We begin looking to "give" on the giving end .. And can overlook faults, words, and forgive instead of being offended or getting wounded .. Causing a relationship to thrive and flourish.. It's amazing the number of walls being built because of our lack of God in our relationships .. Absolutely amazing what's happening ..

 

[Buff_Old_Guy]

Thanks buff, pondering this at the moment. I'd agree friendship is an excellent way... and I generally do become friends first. I generally find it easy to connect with people.

I don't want to lead you wrong.

Take my advice with a grain of salt. I don't have a lot of experience. And honestly I think you can just throw everything I said down the drain. Because it's the basic stuff that will always matter the most... if you want to examine a girl very well... cool... but focus on the basic stuff.

I KNOW God answers prayers because he has answered prayers in the past in my life and in others. I think you can ask/pray to him for a wife. And as prudent as it might be to get to know someone well. It's nothing if your not sure she's not a Christian. Don't be naive... make sure to check the "Christian" girls your interested in... VERY WELL that they really are Christian. Does she TRULY have God as #1 in her life... everyday and in all choices? Is God her master and is she his slave?

Even then... if she seems to really fit the shoe of a believer. She still might not be for you... The thing is I think it's wiser to let God choose your future spouse. I know there's a debate of whether there is a "one" for everyone or people just choose a christian person to marry. I'm on the side of choosing... I don't believe in the "one." I believe I should choose someone. HOWEVER!... Why not let God choose this person for me? So, while I may not believe in the "one." I believe there is the one God will choose for me.

God is a God of miracles... and I'd strongly advice you to ask God to choose your wife. And read the scriptures...

Relative scriptures that come to mind are...

Matthew 6:33


[SUP]33 [/SUP]But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

(I hope that in "all these things" that a wife is included.)


Malachi 2:16


[SUP]16 [/SUP]“For the Lord God of Israel says
That He hates divorce,
For it covers one’s garment with violence,”
Says the Lord of hosts.
“Therefore take heed to your spirit,
That you do not deal treacherously.”




God hates divorce... so I think it's safe to say that God cares greatly about marriage. Hence, I think he'd care about who you marry... ask him for a wife?

 

[Buff_Old_Guy]

Also adding... I know I said she should be like a slave to God.

Don't misunderstand me.... I'm not saying she should perfectly be sinless... that's impossible and stupid to expect. But, like even if she makes a mistake... if you notice that she has sinned, does she humbling seek God as refuge? Does she pray about it and repents?

She doesn't have to be perfect... but just seek God.

 

[AsifinPassing]

I've gotta be honest, toward the end...you triggered this song in my head:

Sum 41 - In Too Deep - YouTube

Well man, that happens...I think most of us don't particularly enjoy being hurt. Nonetheless, like you said, some risks you just have to take...regardless of how risk-averse you may be...

Now, that said, you're not alone in wanting to know someone first. Many people want long friendships and 'foundation' to start building a romantic relationship from. Others dive right in! I've seen it work and fail both ways, so it really just depends...as with most things.

I'll say, as for your question, I feel it's both. Inevitably you'll have shared experiences...(if you literally find someone who won't do things with you/doesn't share anything at all in common...first of all, congrats, and second of all...how's that working for ya?)

There should be some attraction, I think, initially (your #1). Then, over time (with shared experience), those bonds are strengthened. Overall, however, it largely falls to our choice (regardless of who we are or what we share in common). I've seen both radically different and striking similar people have good and bad relationships. I've seen Christians with terrible marriages and 'heathens' with wonderful marriages. I think you literally just mutually need the will to work through whatever comes your way...

Now, for me (and many Christians), it's different, because we want to want and will to will what is/is like God's, so there's a whole different dimension to our dating realms. Regardless, the fundamental 'physics' of dating/relationships still apply.

 

[TheAristocat]

Hey guys, was just wondering about your thoughts on this.

1 - Do you find you can fall for something because of the qualities they have? Like what you see, who they kind of, 'are' without you.

2 -Or do you sometimes find it is shared experiences - aka someone may not initially seem to have the qualities you are looking for, but because you have shared things together they become close to you? Become attractive to you? Even if you would not initially be interested by who they seem to be.

Obviously it is probably a mix of both - but like, I find having shared experiences makes things very different, even though someone may be very similar in personality or something.

With dating -

It feels like this really weird tension - at one level you are attempting to get to know each other - trying to work out number 1 so to speak, who this person is. But at the second time you are attempting to like... 'build' a relationship, so to speak.

I just find this really weird.

Personally, I don't want to attempt to build a relationship unless I know that things are likely to work out - getting the foundations down so to speak, which is weird because that places who someone is without you above shared experiences.

But practically, with who I am, I don't want to set myself up to be hurt so to speak - I panic if I feel in too deep without knowing enough - now obviously you are going to have to take risks here and there, but to me... it just seems silly to start forming close feelings without knowing. But I do know that this is very different to how others approach it, and it seems cold to others sometimes...

I think that if you can be friends with a girl there's a greater chance of it working out, because you already know you can have fun together. But I get the impression people have preconceptions of what it means to be a friend and what it means to be something more. And once you start dating, that person may suddenly change.

It's best to be able to relate to someone on some level. But if you're completely the same then trying to get to know them is going to be awkward since you'd already know a great deal about them. So shared experiences don't necessarily make a person attractive; they just make the person comfortable and good friend material. So it's good to have something to share as well as something new to learn and experience about them, too.