fake marriage

[GodsDaughter1]

my military husband of 9 years has decided to end our marriage. we have 1 daughter, and while i was true in my vows etc till now, he admitted he was and is not. we went through 4 marriage counselings and he only admitted that he married me to not break God's fornication rule. our daughter was planned but i am treated worse than a baby-mama in value. he is christian and wishes to get God's blessing in his life especially financially, and has been sending money to all kinds of preachers on tv while downloading porn, talking on sex chat rooms etc. i am dealing with this and will survive, but i am very sad for our daughter who has no clue. i need as many prayers as i can get to help me through this. while he tries to be 'nice', its very obvious that its only to assuage his own feelings and not to change things. he only wants out, and no matter how it affects our daughter. i have done many things and ended up only catering to his whims of nothing i was doing made him feel more affection towards me. it was only sex. even when i slept in another room because i felt the vibe from him, he would ask me back to our bedroom for him to be able to sleep. i have finally accepted that he truly never loved me. and i pray for the strength to help my daughter to heal. i also pray that God bless him (cursing never helps anyone) so he can repent and be right with God.

 

[jennrwash1970]

You are in my prayer.Be strong. God loves you and give you strength to come thru the storm.

 

[GOD_IS_LOVE]

i have finally accepted that he truly never loved me.

Sorry to hear about your situation, but I don't think he even knows what love is. May God be with you in all this and give His grace to make things work in the direction He wants for you!

 

[PiccolaLina25]

I agree with God is love and all the others.... I am also very very sorry to hear that especially when a child is involved! its tragic, how he played with everything. I don't know what is in his mind, but he is not led by the right spirit, I garantee... Even if he never loved you, try to find your strength and love in God, because He truely loves with uncondicionally no matter what your situation is. With God you can cry and be happy, and be the woman you are... He is not fake to you! I have also passed thourgh this experience when it seemed that I gave love and he didn't even care about me....

Its a hard time.. but you have other things to focus on .. like your daughter... maybe your husband abbandoned you, but Jesus will never do it, just keep the faith and don't forget about HIS Love!

HUgs... and you are in my prayers!

 

[Lucy68]

Wow, sister, you're really going through a hard time

I pray for God to give you comfort and encouragement! That's really great that you can pray for your husband.

He's really confused about God!

Praying for your healing...may God give you strength and guidance.

 

[blessedmommy34]

Im so sorry to hear that too...I too am going through a separation right now with my husband of 4 years. I was in an abusive and controlling marriage with a man who claimed to love the Lord while stepping all over me and his children. We have a son together and I raised his daughter (which I say is my daughter becuz I love her soo much) and I had a son of my own. A family of 5 living in complete chaos. I found out that he was addicted to cocaine and heroine..I had put $17,000 towards a custody battle for my step daughter who was being abused by her step father. I gave so much to my family and all he did was take, take and take. I couldnt go out, I couldnt see my family without permission, I had no life at all. I busted my butt working to support all of us while he used his money for drugs. I still tried to stay by his side and work it out, but the abuse got worse..nothing physical, but verbal, emotional and mental and all infront of my oldest son. I lived a nightmare for so many years and finally decided it was enough. I value marriage, but how can I continue in a marriage that was going to kill me or drive me crazy? He tells me that I have cursed us becuz I am violating Gods law on marriage and I know that's true, but I just couldn't anymore and i just pray for God's mercy so much. I chose this life...God could not have intended for me to live like this or my children, right?

 

[Lucy68]

Im so sorry to hear that too...I too am going through a separation right now with my husband of 4 years. I was in an abusive and controlling marriage with a man who claimed to love the Lord while stepping all over me and his children. We have a son together and I raised his daughter (which I say is my daughter becuz I love her soo much) and I had a son of my own. A family of 5 living in complete chaos. I found out that he was addicted to cocaine and heroine..I had put $17,000 towards a custody battle for my step daughter who was being abused by her step father. I gave so much to my family and all he did was take, take and take. I couldnt go out, I couldnt see my family without permission, I had no life at all. I busted my butt working to support all of us while he used his money for drugs. I still tried to stay by his side and work it out, but the abuse got worse..nothing physical, but verbal, emotional and mental and all infront of my oldest son. I lived a nightmare for so many years and finally decided it was enough. I value marriage, but how can I continue in a marriage that was going to kill me or drive me crazy? He tells me that I have cursed us becuz I am violating Gods law on marriage and I know that's true, but I just couldn't anymore and i just pray for God's mercy so much. I chose this life...God could not have intended for me to live like this or my children, right?

So sorry to hear about your suffering! This is really a tough thing you're going through .

Don't let your husband make you feel like the dissolving of the marriage is all your fault. This man is an emotional and mental manipulator and will distort scripture for his own purpose. His life style proves that he has fallen away from true belief.

No, you have not violated scripture...he has done so by not being the godly husband that Paul describes.

Separation may help bring him into a correct view of marriage if he is being counseled by a mature Christian man; but you do not have to be a slave in your marriage.

He should be supporting you and the children....not the other way around.

Bless you for seeking God's will and taking care of your family at the same time! Right now, concentrate on the children's welfare and your close relationship with the Holy Spirit.

I know what it's like to be under another person's mental 'control'....they have strong personalities and know how to use them to control and manipulate others and then convince them that it's God's will.

Praying for discernment and guidance for you sister....listen for God's voice and He will guide you through this .

 

[blessedmommy34]

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I feel like I lost everything so quickly...like the rug was pulled from underneath me when I thought I was standing so firmly. I knew we had problems, I guess I was just in denial about how serious they were. I dont think you ever want to think horrible things about the person you love. We lost custody of our daughter, I had a miscarriage, and I found out he was a severe addict all within 2 months. I am seeking help for understanding how I let it get so bad so quickly...yes he is an absolute manipulator of scripture and used it to guilt me and keep me prisoner.

I dont believe in divorce so Im really torn, if he doesnt get serious help I dont think that we will ever stand a chance. It hurts to know that you devoted so much of yourself to a person and in the end, they never really cared as much as you did. i have cried so much but now praying for strength to be ok for my boys who didnt ask to be a part of any of this.

Sorry, I just needed to get that out. Thanks again for all your kind words. Bless you. I will pray for you as well and yes seek His face and kingdom first and let all else be added.

 

[oracle2world]

We pray for you.

 

[Faithseeker87]

How long did he serve ? Was he in war ?
Its as bad as it is but you see, if he was in war then he might made that certain experience that changes people completely. Depending on the person, someone will lose faith willingly if they see all the horrors war has to offer. I hope i dont have to go into detail to get over my message.

Anyhow, this isn't an uncommon story anymore and as sad as it is, war can break the strongest of minds and faith, resulting in incomprehensible and bizarre behavior.

And by the way, going through a 9 year relationship/marriage is nowhere near "no true love" and i dont think you are the only one losing in this situation, im sure he also does.

I wish you godspeed for all that you have left.

 

[Jullianna]

my military husband of 9 years has decided to end our marriage. we have 1 daughter, and while i was true in my vows etc till now, he admitted he was and is not. we went through 4 marriage counselings and he only admitted that he married me to not break God's fornication rule. our daughter was planned but i am treated worse than a baby-mama in value. he is christian and wishes to get God's blessing in his life especially financially, and has been sending money to all kinds of preachers on tv while downloading porn, talking on sex chat rooms etc. i am dealing with this and will survive, but i am very sad for our daughter who has no clue. i need as many prayers as i can get to help me through this. while he tries to be 'nice', its very obvious that its only to assuage his own feelings and not to change things. he only wants out, and no matter how it affects our daughter. i have done many things and ended up only catering to his whims of nothing i was doing made him feel more affection towards me. it was only sex. even when i slept in another room because i felt the vibe from him, he would ask me back to our bedroom for him to be able to sleep. i have finally accepted that he truly never loved me. and i pray for the strength to help my daughter to heal. i also pray that God bless him (cursing never helps anyone) so he can repent and be right with God.

It appears that your heart is in the right place. Where there is God, where there is prayer, there is hope. Bless you for honoring God, not giving up and wanting to fight for your family, however painful it may be for you personally right now. You are not alone. He is on your side in wanting to heal and preserve your marriage.

God can make fake real. Nothing is impossible with Him.

 

[GodsDaughter1]

while i love all these sentiments for the preservation of my marriage, i have come to accept that it cannot be saved. this man; i found out recently, has been having this feelings since we wed in 2003. but chose to not leave until now, so why should i stay or even entertain the idea of staying with someone who clearly never loved and has no desire to love me. he even said this in therapy and that he wants someone else. i have to accept things as are and me and my daughter move on. God is healing me and will give me the strength help my daughter to heal when the times comes.

 

[blessedmommy34]

If he wants to leave, than let him take that step and seek out the divorce. We are taught in the Word that if the spouse wants to depart than we are to set them free, but we are not supposed to seek the departure ourselves. Im sorry that your marriage didnt work out, I will pray that the Lord give you strength every day one day at a time as He is doing with me. God is the only one that can restore, so we never know what tomorrow may bring.

Many blessings...read 1st Corinthians chapter 7...His word is clear and true.

 

[Risen]

Dear Goddaughter1
Just know that God our heavenly father loves and cares for you always. " Isaiah 49:15 Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you." You have to know that God have your best interest at heart always. Isaiah 49:16 See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands, your walls are ever before me". God knows what you are going through and He knows that you will come out of it victoriously. Keep your eyes and heart on God's love for you for you will find comfort and peace in the mist of this difficult times. I did went through similar situation and I am grateful that God did carry me through those dark times. It will help if you listen to gospel worship and praise songs and study God's promises for you will come to realise that the men of this world will one day fail us, our loved ones will forsake us but God will not. It is His promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us. I also pray that God will give you the wisdom and the heart to forgive your husband. He is lost and he needs God's love and forgiveness as much as we do. I was in your shoes a little more than two years ago. My husband of 21years left me and our 6 children to be with his highschool sweetheart. God's unconditional love and mercy was able to heal my heart and restore my life and now I live to glorify his name. I know that God will heal your heart and restore your life back to you. Just let go and let God.

God be with you always.
Risen

 

[GodsDaughter1]

thank you for your kind words. and i have already begun my healing and its has been great. as i stated earlier that my only concern is our daughter who has no idea of all this. i know my family will help us both to heal. i am praying right now that God guides me toward getting the money for legal documents to be filed so i can be taken care of $$-wise until this is final. that is my only concern right now. please send prayers up for that.

 

[MJ1927]

Sorry your family is going through this.I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers I know this must tough times for you right now.

 

[Lucy68]

thank you for your kind words. and i have already begun my healing and its has been great. as i stated earlier that my only concern is our daughter who has no idea of all this. i know my family will help us both to heal. i am praying right now that God guides me toward getting the money for legal documents to be filed so i can be taken care of $$-wise until this is final. that is my only concern right now. please send prayers up for that.

Praying for healing for you and your daughter and that the Spirit will guide you over the next few months.

Do you attend church? Listening to God's Word spoken, praying and singing will greatly lift you up.