Feeling lost!

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lost1975

Guest
#1
#1
I don't know where to start. I've been married 9 years, and in that time I have been unfaithful. And I am ashame of it. My wife has stuck with me when I know she shouldn't have. We have no children together but she does have two daughters from a prior relationship and as well for me I have a daughter, too. In me I feel I am lost because I failed as a husband and a father to my daughter. I feel I gave more attentions to her kids than rather my own. And in the myths of my unfaithfulness, I'm going to be a father again. I know I need to tell my wife, and will break her heart, but if I can't be a father to my daughter what will in any different with my newborn. I just recently started going to church and praying to God, because my wife has given me that push, cause she started going before me. But I cannot see myself forgiving for all I have done, even though I know God has. It was easier for me to live life in anger, you see as child I was molested, and for the longest time no knew not even my family, but it was my wife who really got my trust and I told her. She is the one who told me seek God, to forgive the man who did wrong, that you would b at piece with yourself. It was hard but I did, but still at times feel angry at myself....and that is where I seek God to guide me.....seeking advice????
 
GuessWho

GuessWho

Senior Member
#2
Nov 8, 2014
1,227
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#2
How do you feel about the fact that you'll have a baby?
 
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lost1975

Guest
#3
#3
Thank you, GuessWho for responding, honestly I feel great about the baby, that is one thing I cherish is kids, I'm not one to deny the baby his father. I know the baby is mine. And the fact it's a boy is even happier for me, it will be my first..I don't know if this right to say but I guess its bitter sweet, because I'm having a boy but out of my unfaithfulness. What's scares me that I'll make the same mistake with my daughter, yes I'm active in her life, but because I paid more attention with my wife's kids, I don't have a strong connection with my own daughter.. And I'm praying that I do develop that connection.. That y I feel I failed as a father... Any advice will help me..
 
JesusLives

JesusLives

Senior Member
#4
Oct 11, 2013
14,551
2,172
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#4
lost1975 said:
I don't know where to start. I've been married 9 years, and in that time I have been unfaithful. And I am ashame of it. My wife has stuck with me when I know she shouldn't have. We have no children together but she does have two daughters from a prior relationship and as well for me I have a daughter, too. In me I feel I am lost because I failed as a husband and a father to my daughter. I feel I gave more attentions to her kids than rather my own. And in the myths of my unfaithfulness, I'm going to be a father again. I know I need to tell my wife, and will break her heart, but if I can't be a father to my daughter what will in any different with my newborn. I just recently started going to church and praying to God, because my wife has given me that push, cause she started going before me. But I cannot see myself forgiving for all I have done, even though I know God has. It was easier for me to live life in anger, you see as child I was molested, and for the longest time no knew not even my family, but it was my wife who really got my trust and I told her. She is the one who told me seek God, to forgive the man who did wrong, that you would b at piece with yourself. It was hard but I did, but still at times feel angry at myself....and that is where I seek God to guide me.....seeking advice????
Click to expand...
Repent and ask God to forgive you for your sins.

I assume that at some point your wife is going to find out that you have a child on the way with the affair you had. I am not judging you just stating what you have written about as I am assuming that the lady who is currently pregnant would seek child support for this child. At some point your wife is going to find out. There may be consequences to the actions you have taken.

You need to come clean and be honest with your wife and take responsibility for the child on the way. Be a father to this child participate in the child's life. I too was molested as a child and I have had issues with relationships in my life too, but for both of us it is not an excuse to continue in harmful relationships which hurts and destroys marriages. God will forgive a repentant sinner when you ask Him to forgive you, but if you recall Jesus usually would say - Go and sin no more. True repentance is to do an about face and stop doing what you were doing. It is time to man up and be that faithful husband to your wife.

I felt lost for years because I didn't understand what salvation was.

Jesus died for your sins He has already paid the price ask Him to forgive you and give your life completely to Him ask Him to send His Holy Spirit to live in your life and take control because on your own you can't stop sinning but giving your heart to God an allowing Him to live in you makes all the difference and you will do that about face and live a much better life with God in it and in control of your heart/life.

When we sin freely we make messes in our life and God is the only one who can repair our brokenness please submit to Him today.

Dear Father

Please help our Brother to give is life over into Your hands I pray in Jesus Name Amen.
 
GuessWho

GuessWho

Senior Member
#5
Nov 8, 2014
1,227
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#5
You didn't fail as a father...don't say that. Life is made of ups and downs, mistakes, sins, failures, but also blessings, joys, pleasures, accomplishments etc. The fact you want to make peace with God, with those around you and with yourself is all that matters. I don't know what to advice you...love, pray and forgive yourself.

P.S.: I was hoping you would say you're happy about the baby because I wanted to cheer you up a bit. Did you think about a name for the boy? I'm really excited for you and I believe a child is always a blessing even if it comes from unfaithfulness.
 
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lost1975

Guest
#6
#6
Thank you Jesus lives, for your words, I took to heart what you wrote.. And I do want to give myself to God, I know I sinned and I know only He will guide in cleaning my soul and forgive me for actions.. I am going to be father to my son, and as much as it is going to hurt her, I know I need to come clean with my wife... But I know God, will be in the room as I do, cux I do want to continue with my wife if she allows me. And absolutely right I shouldn't use my molestation as an excuse to hurt my love ones.... And I did forgive the person that did it to me, cux I didn't want him controlling my life...I want my life in God's hands....thank you so much..may u send a prayer to me..
 
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lost1975

Guest
#7
#7
Hi GuessWho, again thank you for your kind words, they did bring a smile and joy to me..as matter of fact yes the mother let me know that she wanted to name him Austin Rey... I liked it....and yes your write, praying as helped me a lot..in finding myself, I know God is looking out for all of us...I just need to feel it within me that He is taking care of my worries whether I see it or not..your turn in replying
 
GuessWho

GuessWho

Senior Member
#8
Nov 8, 2014
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#8
Yeah, I like Austin Rey, too. :)

Faith in God will not spare you of worries, troubles and other problems. Faith just makes troubles more bearable, but it doesn't solve them...

May God bless you and your entire family!
 
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lost1975

Guest
#9
#9
Wow!! Thank you Guess Who...I guess I have a lot to learn. True my worries will not be taken care of by God, but it sure makes it easier to face them. I would like to know more, how did you give yourself to Jesus our savior!
 
GuessWho

GuessWho

Senior Member
#10
Nov 8, 2014
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#10
How did I give myself to Jesus?

I got baptized in the orthodox church, started to go to church, be part of the choir, take the Holy Communion. Unfortunately, since I left Romania I feel a little bit lost.

I don't think I am the best to teach you. I just wanted you to have faith and hope in God but a lot of people who are new in the christian faith have extravagant expectations from prayers or from church and I didn't wanted you to feel abandoned or ignored by God if He doesn't grant your wishes like a magician.

God works in our hearts but the change doesn't happen over night.
 
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lost1975

Guest
#11
#11
GuessWho, but you are teaching me, cux your simple replies are helping me, more than you know. You see this is what I'm seeking just wisdom and knowledge from others. Its helping me become a better person, of course I don't expect to happen over night, but sure beats talking to pple I shouldn't be talking...ugh, I'm bad with words...exchanging emails with you is a lot comfortin...I don't know if that makes sense..:(
 
GuessWho

GuessWho

Senior Member
#12
Nov 8, 2014
1,227
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#12
I'm happy if I can help you. Thank God for that!

I wanted to tell you one more thing which I learnt from a Romanian monk. He said God loves us more than we can imagine. He accepts you, He wants you just as you are. With your flaws, your wickedness, your sins. God loves you. And the only condition is to come with a sincere heart. A sincere heart weighs more than your sins in the eyes of God.
 
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lost1975

Guest
#13
#13
Thank you, one scripture I did find to help me, is Matthew 11: 28-30...and yes you're helping, you might know it but you are. For reason, God told you to reply to my post...that in itself shows that you were meant to help. I don't know how the chat works, but I would like to continue our friendship, I would like to seek you for any advice or questions I might have if that is OK with you..my email is [email protected]
 
GuessWho

GuessWho

Senior Member
#14
Nov 8, 2014
1,227
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#14
I meant to say weakness, not wickedness.
 
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lost1975

Guest
#15
#15
Thank you GuessWho,
 
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