Hey Nanny1.
As a person who has been jobless…more than once…I understand what it is like to feel misplaced because you are out of work. On the up-side, you were approved for disability…although it may not be a lot of money, it is better than absolutely nothing. It may seem like you are being punished by God…but you are not. Unfortunately we live in a world that is…very unfair…to say the least. Whether we are for God, or against Him, in this world, negative things will always happen to us.
It has been an EXTREMELY hard lesson for me to learn, but I have found that…our personal (and worldly) perceptions of what it means to be “punished” can cause us to bring an unnecessary amount of misery upon ourselves. It is not easy, but try to imagine the things that you can do for God now that you couldn’t do before, because your time was always occupied by your job. Maybe now you can participate more in church functions you couldn’t before, be the mentor to someone who you couldn’t before, go places, do things, build relationships that you couldn’t before. Maybe now you can take the time to appreciate things in way you couldn’t before.
From what little you posted here…you seem like a very intelligent and hard-working woman. If getting a part-time job will make you feel better than do so…but this is just one more thing you have to overcome, be confident in your strength to do so.