I went through a long period of depression when I got physically ill and disabled. It just came back for a couple of months after 8 years. My solution was pills, and it helped me get on the right footing again with God and now I am off again.
I know many people who have been through depression and there is nothing wrong with getting chemical help to re-establish the neurotransmitters in your brain. Depression is not about failing, it is about falling and needing something to catch you.
Please see your doctor. Don't over-spiritualize this. The longer you resist medicine, the harder it is to re-establish a proper chemical balance. They say for every one year you are depressed, one year to re-establish proper equilibrium. By 5 years of depression, 10 years to recover. After 10 years, it is the rest of your life. I know someone well who would not take his doctor's advice and refused treatment. He is now a lifer on two different anti-depressants. On the other hand, an old high school friend got depressed after her husband betrayed and left her. About 6 months before her doctor identified it, and she was on AD's for less than a year, and then got off and has never had another problem.
So do you want to get to a point of suicide and needing these meds for the rest of your life? Or take the chance now and try and get healthy before it damages your brain?
Remember, however it starts, depression is a disease that affects the matter in your brain.
Praying you will get help, before you sink any lower.