Everyone, thank you so much for your responses! It truly has helped me. I do think I have forgiven now I just need to heal, how do I do that? Just pray? I am trying counseling... Things that have happened to me have affected so much of my life.
My step father, grandfather, and two of my cousins had sexually abused me starting as young as I can remember. I told my mother and she literally said "ok." she is Bipolor and has a lot of mental health issues. She was verbally and physically very abusive from as young as I can remember. I can and have worked through the physical abuse and for the most part the verbal abuse doesnt affect me anymore. I have overcome a lot in life.
Nobody protected me as a child and I felt like I just wasnt loved enough. My step mom was verbally and physically abusive and I told her about everyone who sexually abused me and she did nothing. In fact, when my grandfather had a bday party she made me hug him. I threw a huge fit and then got in a lot of trouble for that. IDK how to move on. I dont know how to let go.
Now my husband is lying to me multiple times, I question if he cheated on me. I am trying to let go and move on in our marriage, I just dont know how. I just cant trust. I look at it as he loves me just not enough to stay faithful to me.
How do I deal with this???
I undersatnd where you are coming from.
I have been what you have been through.
My mother through me out aged 14.
Was taken in by a Christian family and spent the next 5 years being sexually abused by my foster dad.
I could go deeper but I won’t.
I would just like to tell you what helped me.
I had unfrogivness in my heart towards my mum and my sexual abuser.
I know the command forgive others but the reality is when we have so much pain as a result that’s all we see and focus on.
Forgivness is not an option to us, I suppose in a sense because we are hurting and we want the offender to be punished because of what they did.
I am 49. Sexually abused from 15-19.
So for 30 years I refused, Yes I refused to for forgive him.
When this guy died I would be free of it.
Truth is that was a lie.
What bought me through this?
I used to go and visit my foster parents, only because I loved my foster mum.
However I got to the stage when I made excuses not to go.
The last occasion I refused to go and made an excuse was about 4 years ago. I told my foster mum and she cried when I put the phone down.
My wife was sat next to me and then she said to me “You know you have to forgive him” I said no I will not and I can’t when he dies then I will be free.
then and this no lie
I got so upset my wife left the room because everything she tried to say was blanked by me.
As I sat on my own God said to me.
Ring back and tell you will come down, let us go and deal with this.
I said no, three times he said it again and three time I said no.
Then the fourth time this is what he said “WHAT PART OF US DO YOU NOT GET I AM COMING WITH YOU, ITS ME AND YOU AND I WILL HELP YOU, NOW COME ON LETS GO”
Long story short, we went God led me through the process so much so that a year later on his deathbed I held his hand a prayed for him, he asked me to sort out his estate and that I did, it took me a further year.
I now have a loving relationship with my mum.
The Truth is that we need God to help us.
He will help us, he will walk us through the process. And he will heal us.
As I posted my thoughts earlier that forgiveness doesn’t always lead to reconciliation but forgiveness truly serves a purpose.
To forgive is to set the prisoner free only to realise the prisoner was you.
Through forgiveness that God walks with in us and the process then we are set free.
Free to live and be like Jesus.