Oh, believe me. You're not the only one. I struggled with alcohol for about four years. I drank from 16-20.
Let me rephrase. I drank like fish for four years, and then decided to move closer to God. When I was partying, I didn't care about anything and I certainly wasn't thinking about God. That was the furthest thing from my mind.
I remember after about four days straight of partying, drinking bottle after bottle of Vodka on my own, I woke up at about five in the morning. I could never sleep in when I drank, but this time was different. I was still drunk.
My breath reaked of cigarettes- no. My whole body did. The smell was just caked on my skin.
Despite that, I poured a cup of coffee, went outside to the back porch of my friends house, and lit up another. I felt like crap, and my best friend/bad influence, Grace, came out to join me. She sat on the swing with me and threw her legs into my lap. Scattered on the deck were plastic cups, and she picked up a half empty Vodka bottle and handed it to me.
"You know what that say is the best cure for a hangover..."
I didn't even bother to tell her I was still drunk; I just grabbed the bottle and drank every drop.
It had gotten to the point where I had quit my job, moved into that 'friend's' house, and was going with Grace to sell my plasma for 40 dollars, three times a week. With that forty dollars, I bought two packs of cigarettes, a couple of burritos from taco bell, and cheap Vodka. The rest was left for gas to get us back and forth from the house to the Plasma clinic.
My boyfriend I was dating at the time, well.. he fit well with me at that point in my life. He was an Atheist, smoked pot, took LSD, and drank all the time, just like I did. Although, I never stopped being a christian or did heavy drugs, we fit well together because we both didn't care about anything besides partying. Even he, began to question my lifestyle. I'll never forget when I was waiting for Grace to finish at the Clinic and I called him. He said, 'Is this how you're going to live your life? Donating your plasma to buy cigarettes and Vodka? You don't have any goals or anything.'
I told him to give me a break, because I was only 19 and still trying to figure everything out. He replied that he was 19 too, and that was no excuse because he was in college and had a steady job. I had forgotten he was the same age as me.
Angry, I hung up on him and got in the car with Grace. She knew I had been talking to my boyfriend and said, 'I know what will make you feel better. Let's get drunk tonight and you can hook up with someone else. He's a loser anyway.'
At that point I just blew up, telling her that I didn't want to live this life anymore. I had bruises, from where they had accidentally jabbed the needles into my muscle at the clinic while trying to find my vein, not to mention all the times i was in tears because the needle was so big and it hurt quite badly.
So, at that moment, I decided to make a change. Although I struggled for a year after that, I finally put it down for good after rededicating my life to God. I was surprised how easy it was to forget about drinking, and the partying life I had. I had used all of that stuff to try to fill a void in my life that I didn't even know I had. My boyfriend and I broke up of course, since we didn't have that one and only thing in common any more, but I was happy about it. We had a homecoming at my church and not to much longer after that, me and my entire family were baptized in the river.
Yes, I still struggle with it sometimes, just a little, when I go out to restaurants with friends and they order a drink. Sometimes, the Devil tries to trick me by saying, 'You've done so well, one drink won't hurt. It's just for one night, just loosen up and have some fun.' But that's where the even bigger blessing comes into play, not only to I have the strength from God.. but God also blessed me with a new boyfriend who doesn't drink, party, or do any of those things. He helps me stay strong and supports me when I feel weak, reminding me of God's purpose for me and to stay on the straight and narrow.
To wrap this up, God saved me from myself, from my destructive ways. I was on a path of destruction, because I was choosing what I thought was best for me. I hope that by you reading this, you can see there is a light at the end of your dark tunnel right now. Although it may not seem like it, there is. Also, if you ever need to talk, or some type of support for what you're going through, I'd be more than happy to help in any way I can.
Keep your head up, and pray to God for strength. Believe he can relieve you of this burden, and he will. Let him carry you when you feel to weak to make it on your own. The only way to see through the darkness is to turn to the ultimate light, which is God. Let him guide you away from that sin, and lead you to him. You'll be surprised how much happier you feel, more than any drink could ever provide.