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Hey guys, it's Tobby17, the one who's always happy or maybe not.. The one who tries to make all the dumb jokes at the forum, the one who tries to make people at the chat room laugh.. Sounds happy enough right??. But I'm NOT Happy.. I don't like putting up threads regarding my sexual orientation, but i'm depressed to say the least. I thought i had gotten over it, but no i've not.. My life is miserable, pathetic and just meaningless. I'm being fair on myself to say that!.. I don't know why i'm gay, coz it's hard to figure out. People say God didn't create you gay, but the truth is, i've been gay ever since i can remember myself being attracted to anyone!.
Maybe God didn't make me that way, but then again. God allowed it, he made me doomed, i'm serious. I've been doomed ever since i was born, every other person's life seems to be perfect except mine. Doomed because i'm gay, i'm just another experiment made by God to fulfill end time prophecies of Sexual perversion, man sharing sexual feelings for other men.. People can tell me how i need God, but i've tried everything i could ever do, it won't go away. And i'm not even christian anymore.. Things were never good for me, they aren't good now and they will never get better. My homophobic father will never accept me being gay, my christian mom will never accept the fact that her son is an abomination. Things will never get better.
Yesterday, i realized how depressed i had grown, when i actually cut myself. For the first time, i did cut myself and it felt good. To be honest!.. Something happened when i cut myself yesterday, i started laughing uncontrollably, sounds stupid. But i was actually laughing, my mood changed from depressed to happy in a matter of seconds. And even though the bad feelings came back later, and my hand hurts a bit. It's better, the pain i feel in my hand right now is not as much as the pain i've harbored inside me for a long time. And just looking at the scars i have on my hand make me happy, and worry less. After cutting myself yesterday, i was able to sleep..
If peradventure cutting stops working, i know something else that will end my miserable life forever.. Yes ur guess is good. Suicide, sounds impossible ugh??.. Suicide have come as an option many times, but i've never thought of it as much as i have been thinking of it lately.
@ Julliana, Jilly,, Zero, Res, Annie123, Tatz, Soulja and every other person who i've becomes friends with on this site, you guys are awesome people.. And please don't forget if i end up paying Heaven gates a visit, but please pray for me that God will let me enter into heaven and ask him just one question. After which he can throw me into hell!.. I wouldn't mind as long as he answers my question..
Thanks for reading this
I feel like it's not important for anyone to reply to this thread
I just wanted to say something about how i've been feeling lately..
Goodbye!
Maybe God didn't make me that way, but then again. God allowed it, he made me doomed, i'm serious. I've been doomed ever since i was born, every other person's life seems to be perfect except mine. Doomed because i'm gay, i'm just another experiment made by God to fulfill end time prophecies of Sexual perversion, man sharing sexual feelings for other men.. People can tell me how i need God, but i've tried everything i could ever do, it won't go away. And i'm not even christian anymore.. Things were never good for me, they aren't good now and they will never get better. My homophobic father will never accept me being gay, my christian mom will never accept the fact that her son is an abomination. Things will never get better.
Yesterday, i realized how depressed i had grown, when i actually cut myself. For the first time, i did cut myself and it felt good. To be honest!.. Something happened when i cut myself yesterday, i started laughing uncontrollably, sounds stupid. But i was actually laughing, my mood changed from depressed to happy in a matter of seconds. And even though the bad feelings came back later, and my hand hurts a bit. It's better, the pain i feel in my hand right now is not as much as the pain i've harbored inside me for a long time. And just looking at the scars i have on my hand make me happy, and worry less. After cutting myself yesterday, i was able to sleep..
If peradventure cutting stops working, i know something else that will end my miserable life forever.. Yes ur guess is good. Suicide, sounds impossible ugh??.. Suicide have come as an option many times, but i've never thought of it as much as i have been thinking of it lately.
@ Julliana, Jilly,, Zero, Res, Annie123, Tatz, Soulja and every other person who i've becomes friends with on this site, you guys are awesome people.. And please don't forget if i end up paying Heaven gates a visit, but please pray for me that God will let me enter into heaven and ask him just one question. After which he can throw me into hell!.. I wouldn't mind as long as he answers my question..
Thanks for reading this
I feel like it's not important for anyone to reply to this thread
I just wanted to say something about how i've been feeling lately..
Goodbye!