M
My name is Milagra
This is very difficult for me because for years i have felt like this is all my fault. It all started when I was five years old. It started as just verbal indications and then it led to touching and fondling by my uncle. He told me that it was okay because he loved me and that thats how we show someone we loved them.
this fondling and oral abuse went on for 3 years until the first time he raped me. I tried to scream but he banged my head onto the tub. when i woke up, 2hrs had passed and I was dressed laying in a bed. I was in so much pain that i could hardly move. No one noticed anything. i felt like it was my fault. later that same day he came into my room again this time with his pants droped and then he raped me.. He continued to do this for what seemed like an eternity. I tried to block it all out but i couldnt. I tried to move, but then he pulled a knife out on me and cut me and told me he would kill me if i tried to move or scream again. then he got up and ran bath water and scrubbed me til the water in the tub was red. I was in so much pain but i couldnt tell anyone bc it was my fault he told me. He told me that i sedduced him. this continued about 3 times a week all the way until i was 19 years old.
I can remeber on my graduation when I was 17 years old i had a graduation party. I told my mom that i didnt want to invite my family, but she never questioned why and invited them anyway. He showed up and I tried to stay away from him but it didnt work. I was in my bathroom and when i came out i got hit on top of the head and was very dizzy but still coherant. He had a gun this time and said if i made a noise he would tie my mom up and rape me in front of her and then kill her and make me cut her repeatedly. I didnt scream and I didnt move. He raped me over and over and when i tried to leave my home he told me i was restricted. No one even caught that comment.
on June 7,2009, my mom told me that we were going to move in my grandmothers house where he lived. I couldnt bear it anymore. I left her and called my godmom and she told me that i had 4hrs to tell my mom. so i emailed my mom saying i needed to talk to her when she got home, but she made me tell her then. She hung up on me. I feel so alone and so guilty and dirty. I have tried SI but it only gets worst. I am so confused.... Please help me...any advice is appreciated
This is very difficult for me because for years i have felt like this is all my fault. It all started when I was five years old. It started as just verbal indications and then it led to touching and fondling by my uncle. He told me that it was okay because he loved me and that thats how we show someone we loved them.
this fondling and oral abuse went on for 3 years until the first time he raped me. I tried to scream but he banged my head onto the tub. when i woke up, 2hrs had passed and I was dressed laying in a bed. I was in so much pain that i could hardly move. No one noticed anything. i felt like it was my fault. later that same day he came into my room again this time with his pants droped and then he raped me.. He continued to do this for what seemed like an eternity. I tried to block it all out but i couldnt. I tried to move, but then he pulled a knife out on me and cut me and told me he would kill me if i tried to move or scream again. then he got up and ran bath water and scrubbed me til the water in the tub was red. I was in so much pain but i couldnt tell anyone bc it was my fault he told me. He told me that i sedduced him. this continued about 3 times a week all the way until i was 19 years old.
I can remeber on my graduation when I was 17 years old i had a graduation party. I told my mom that i didnt want to invite my family, but she never questioned why and invited them anyway. He showed up and I tried to stay away from him but it didnt work. I was in my bathroom and when i came out i got hit on top of the head and was very dizzy but still coherant. He had a gun this time and said if i made a noise he would tie my mom up and rape me in front of her and then kill her and make me cut her repeatedly. I didnt scream and I didnt move. He raped me over and over and when i tried to leave my home he told me i was restricted. No one even caught that comment.
on June 7,2009, my mom told me that we were going to move in my grandmothers house where he lived. I couldnt bear it anymore. I left her and called my godmom and she told me that i had 4hrs to tell my mom. so i emailed my mom saying i needed to talk to her when she got home, but she made me tell her then. She hung up on me. I feel so alone and so guilty and dirty. I have tried SI but it only gets worst. I am so confused.... Please help me...any advice is appreciated
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