There are some really good things being said in this thread. I like all of Mahogany Snail's post, and what Thaddaeus said about possibly "not being one of his."
The problem is that you see life as a mere man. You are wanting to know what you can DO to get closer to God, as if you need to strive to achieve some measure of spirituality. You want to "grow as a christian" as if Christianity is just an addendum to your life. Here is my advice to you:
Examine yourself to see if you are really in the faith. 1 Corinthians 13:5. How do you do that? Take the Word of God and what it says about a true believer, and if you fall short of the test, repent and believe. 1 John is the test. It was written, not to show you how to please God, but to show you what a true Christian looks like. It isn't that you get to know God by being holy; rather, holiness is the RESULT of getting to know God. The absence of holiness is characteristic of a false profession of faith, and an unregenerate heart.
Second, understand the gospel. You are not, and will not, be accepted by God because of what you do. You cannot, in your own human striving, achieve or accomplish anything that will be acceptable before God. If you are His, it is because of the worth and merit of Jesus Christ. Grace is not a second chance to please God. Grace is the end of your life, in exchange for His life. That is continual. In other words, He lives in and through you, to the degree that you are willing to allow Him. In order to do that, you have to give up your own life. That doesn't just mean giving up the things that are bad, but giving up your own striving to accomplish, and throwing yourself on the mercy of the Cross, and asking for Him to live His life in you, even as you go about your daily life. A mature relationship with God in Christ is a daily, moment by moment walk. It's not something you grow up in; you grow down. You get more and more dependent on Christ, so that without Him you can do nothing. "For you are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. (Colossians 3:3)." In short, you need to understand that it has absolutely nothing to do with what you can do and accomplish, and everything to do with Jesus IN you. Pray that God will enlighten your heart to the difference between human striving and a life of faith in God.