how do you forgive when it hurts so much?

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pattyannee

Guest
#1
#1
this is really hard. about 6 weeks ago I received a phone call from a man who wanted me to meet him for coffee to talk. we had been talking for a while and I was telling him about GOD. I had taken a sleeping pill so asked him to pick me up, cause I couldn't drive. I live in a motel and didn't tell him which room.

when I opened the door there he was. he pushed passed me and told me he needed to use the restroom. I never let men in my place for I live alone. in the next several hours he broke two of my ribs, gave me a black eye, and when I quit fighting he raped me. I thought id die.

I feel so guilty, dirty and unlovable. I want to forgive so it don't hurt so much.
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#2
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#2
This is such a violation of you, and God wanted our world to obey Him so no one of us had to live in a world where this can happen. Man has turned from Him. It can happen to us, we live in this world man has created. But you are still living within the kingdom of God's world, even if you are called on to suffer for the disobedience of others.

Because this has happened to you, God is sending angels to minister to you especially. The Old Testament shows people in different circumstances, while the New Testament mostly gives God principles. By following the women in the Old Testament, you can see how God protects and helps those who had to suffer from abuse. Your abuse is extreme. You can relax in the arms of the Lord who will comfort you and heal you.

You need do nothing but accept the cleansing of Christ that He offers, and the love and comfort that God offers you. When thoughts of feeling dirty or anger that such things exist in our world come, simply x them out of your mind and dwell on the cleaning and comfort God offers.

You are responsible for obtaining as much justice as you can get, but you are not responsible for God's judgment against this person. God will take care of that. So all your thoughts against this person who abused you only go against you, you can't take over what God has said is His work. So leave this man in the hands of God, just let God take care of it.
 
S

sophi3

Guest
#3
#3
It is difficult to forgive especially when you are hurting. Take as much time as you need, keep praying to God to take away the pain for you. God wants us to be happy, I am sure He is already working towards your healing.
 
SarahM777

SarahM777

Banned
#4
Dec 26, 2012
5,853
137
0
#4
pattyannee said:
this is really hard. about 6 weeks ago I received a phone call from a man who wanted me to meet him for coffee to talk. we had been talking for a while and I was telling him about GOD. I had taken a sleeping pill so asked him to pick me up, cause I couldn't drive. I live in a motel and didn't tell him which room.

when I opened the door there he was. he pushed passed me and told me he needed to use the restroom. I never let men in my place for I live alone. in the next several hours he broke two of my ribs, gave me a black eye, and when I quit fighting he raped me. I thought id die.

I feel so guilty, dirty and unlovable. I want to forgive so it don't hurt so much.
Click to expand...
Forgiving someone who hurt you is not easy. Been there myself. These are the times that if are honest with ourselves we need His help and love to do so. Being able to forgive in the same manner that the Father and Christ have forgiven us is a mark of His agape love. It is so much easier to want retribution then it is to forgive someone else. For me it was battle between my will and the Father's will and the Father's will for us is to show mercy,which does include forgiving one another. Love covers a multitude of sins. Perhaps this may help

http://christianchat.com/miscellaneous/55014-power-healing-restoration-forgiveness.html


 
SarahM777

SarahM777

Banned
#5
Dec 26, 2012
5,853
137
0
#5
RedTent said:
This is such a violation of you, and God wanted our world to obey Him so no one of us had to live in a world where this can happen. Man has turned from Him. It can happen to us, we live in this world man has created. But you are still living within the kingdom of God's world, even if you are called on to suffer for the disobedience of others.

Because this has happened to you, God is sending angels to minister to you especially. The Old Testament shows people in different circumstances, while the New Testament mostly gives God principles. By following the women in the Old Testament, you can see how God protects and helps those who had to suffer from abuse. Your abuse is extreme. You can relax in the arms of the Lord who will comfort you and heal you.

You need do nothing but accept the cleansing of Christ that He offers, and the love and comfort that God offers you. When thoughts of feeling dirty or anger that such things exist in our world come, simply x them out of your mind and dwell on the cleaning and comfort God offers.

You are responsible for obtaining as much justice as you can get, but you are not responsible for God's judgment against this person. God will take care of that. So all your thoughts against this person who abused you only go against you, you can't take over what God has said is His work. So leave this man in the hands of God, just let God take care of it.
Click to expand...
Sorry Red,but where in there have you shown mercy which is the Father's will? Jesus showed us that when He was being nailed to the cross with spikes being pounded into His hands and feet. We are to forgive in the same manner AS WE HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN. Love covers a multitude of sins. If we do not forgive in the same manner as we have been forgiven we are no better then the heathens. It is a mark of the Father's love for us to forgive as we have been forgiven.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#6
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#6
Wow!
That is not easy, but possible. Let me tell you about a singer who shared his testimony: "His dad always raped him, for several years and, certain day, that changed. He became a Christian and forgot the issue and forgive his dad". I don´t know how a man can do it, but he did it with the help of God.

Recently my mom told me that my dad forced her one. She wasn´t in the mood of intercources, so he forced her by hurtind and placing his knee on her. As soon as she had the chance, she bit his tongue and scaped (that was 30 or 40 years ago). They remanined as friends. She has said she forgave him, and she is not a Christian yet.

The emotional healing is needed. I won´t read you the Bible because there is so much hurt inside and you exposed yourself for loneliness, for trying to get some kind of help (it´s out of me your mean reason).

That could happen with "Christians" and pagans. Sometimes I hate how mind can be... Just ASK GOD TO HELP YOU OVERCOME THAT. He is the best source to heal.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#7
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#7
pattyannee said:
this is really hard. (...) I feel so guilty, dirty and unlovable. I want to forgive so it don't hurt so much.
Click to expand...
That´s not completelly true!
We are guilty to some extent, but that does not mean your are unlovable and dirty. You were vulnerable! That´s why it happened.
 
A

Ace85

Guest
#8
#8
pattyannee, I am so sorry this happened to you! Forgiveness is not easy, especially after something so traumatic. Forgiveness isn't about forgetting, it doesn't make the hurt/anger/pain go away, but it frees you - from judgement. Sometimes forgiveness can be a little like an onion, there's layers. Also, it might sound strange, but praying for him can help. Also, tell Father God about it. Tell Him of your fears, the trauma you suffered, and the anger you feel. Don't push him away, but draw closer to Him in this time.
I'd also recommend that you find an older lady from your church/that you know, who you trust greatly, who will come along side you and help you through this difficult time. Someone who will let you cry, who you can ring in the times of fear, and who will pray over you and for you.
May God help you over come this trauma, and may God be with you as you attempt to move on. May you find the peace that God offers, and may you draw close to Him in the hours, days and weeks to come.
By the way, it is quite common for people who have suffered great trauma to have a 'scream' inside of them. This is due to the spirit been crushed. If you reach a time when you feel the need to scream - go for it! Allow your inner-self to express itself. Trust me, it's helpful and healing to do so!! God bless!
 
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pattyannee

Guest
#9
#9
Thank you all got your replies. I'm a bit overwhelmed right now but I do approviate you. Also I am not a Christian.
 
RedTent

RedTent

Banned
#10
Oct 31, 2011
8,200
182
0
#10
SarahM777 said:
Sorry Red,but where in there have you shown mercy which is the Father's will? Jesus showed us that when He was being nailed to the cross with spikes being pounded into His hands and feet. We are to forgive in the same manner AS WE HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN. Love covers a multitude of sins. If we do not forgive in the same manner as we have been forgiven we are no better then the heathens. It is a mark of the Father's love for us to forgive as we have been forgiven.
Click to expand...
Amazing!! My aim was to pick this hurting woman up, dust her off, and set her on the path to healing. How can she forgive except through Christ? This man wronged her. To heal, she must forgive, she must give it over to God to take care of. Yet you feel it is only right to reject my wanting to help. You say my help is only wrong. Amazing.
 
SarahM777

SarahM777

Banned
#11
Dec 26, 2012
5,853
137
0
#11
RedTent

This is what you told her. You told her to X it out of her mind. That does NOT change one thing. If one lets it fester it leads to bitterness,hurt and continued pain. All you told her to do was bury it as if that will make it go away. It does not work like that. The letting go and healing comes in and through forgiveness but you never mentioned that.


RedTent said:
This is such a violation of you, and God wanted our world to obey Him so no one of us had to live in a world where this can happen. Man has turned from Him. It can happen to us, we live in this world man has created. But you are still living within the kingdom of God's world, even if you are called on to suffer for the disobedience of others.

Because this has happened to you, God is sending angels to minister to you especially. The Old Testament shows people in different circumstances, while the New Testament mostly gives God principles. By following the women in the Old Testament, you can see how God protects and helps those who had to suffer from abuse. Your abuse is extreme. You can relax in the arms of the Lord who will comfort you and heal you.

You need do nothing but accept the cleansing of Christ that He offers, and the love and comfort that God offers you. When thoughts of feeling dirty or anger that such things exist in our world come, simply x them out of your mind and dwell on the cleaning and comfort God offers.

You are responsible for obtaining as much justice as you can get, but you are not responsible for God's judgment against this person. God will take care of that. So all your thoughts against this person who abused you only go against you, you can't take over what God has said is His work. So leave this man in the hands of God, just let God take care of it.
Click to expand...
 
D

Dalisa

Guest
#12
#12
Dear Sister,

I feel sorry that you went true this. Maybe your asking yourself too much right now, to want to forgive him right away. Give yourself the time to heal, to let God heal you. God knows what you have been true and maybe the only thing he wants for right now is that you remain at rest. There are people that where able to forgive those that have hurted them, but it took them years. It is a proces, and you just cant turn off feelings. Girl, take your time and in the end you will be able to forgive.
It will come naturally and you don't have to force it. That is the last step in healing, and God will help you to make that step.

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”


The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest. Exodus 14:14, AMP

Much love,

Dalisa
 
B

Brighthouse

Guest
#13
#13
Pattyannee, when I first read what you wrote something did disturb me,and now that you have become honest about your relationship with Jesus,I can tell you why this happened. And thanks for being so honest to sis! eph 4:27 says and do not give the devil an opportunity. You now know why.

You are, as we all are dirty and unclean until Jesus comes into our lives,I was dirty for some 22 years before the Lord came into my life,and so many bad things happened to me because I did the same thing as you did,looking for others to comfort what only the Lord himself can.

I used to blame the Lord for all my troubles, and had more excuses then carter had pills!Now the good part! Know this!!Jesus does, and always has loved you so very much sis!! It was not his will for that to happen to you! The thief is not Jesus, but rather the enemy!( john 10:10)and he cannot tell the truth either!( john 8:44!)The enemy wants you to blame yourself, or God for all problems,that is his nature sis. The healing of ones mind can never take place by self,we want it to,we do everything we can for this to happen but yet it will not happen.

Until we give Jesus our life.It is by his great love, and might that forgiveness takes place in our heart in the first place sis.I am very sorry this happened to you,I do not believe you deserved this!I am just explaining as best I can why this can happen to us.

If we walk into a dark alley without any light in it,what indeed can we ourselves see? The same as you did sis, very little.For the Lord is our light sis,( 1 john 1:7- 1 john 2:2!!) Jesus is waiting with open arms for you sis! Please go and find great comfort as i have in him.

He will teach you how to take away the pain you have endured,and his comfort lasts forever sis!( 2 cor 1:3-7) I bring up the Word so much sis because I have learned to take comfort in it,for by doing so Jesus is his very Word!( john 1:1) I do not tell you what to do sis!

I only ask you to consider this in love, from one who can love now because of what Jesus himself has done for me! Find a good church where there is love in,and join it,and become a Kings kid sis! For to me sis it is only by our example( Jesus himself) which can sustain us in him,and for him!

Jesus does not look to push you away,but rather asks you this.Have you not done everything in your own power possible to become loved and understood? And yet what has been the result? I am here always for you my beloved,I am here to love you without touching you,to comfort you, when your feeling and emotion are in such pain,to give you peace around a great storm that looks to swallow you.I am he you have heard,and I am he who is forever!( isaiah 43:10)Will you be my witness?

So that from your life others can take comfort?I am knocking upon your heart beloved,will you not open the door and have dinner with me?( rev 3:20) I am very glad I finally opened the door sis! After being through two tours of Vietnam,I sure was glad to finally see a friendly face! You will be to! I am praying now for you sis,and our love for you cannot wax cold like so many others we both have seen in our past.

Because our love is based upon God's own love for each of us sis!! ( john 13:34)God bless you and comfort you always! ( 1 john 4:7-19!!!!) My his own word bear witness to himself in your own life sis amen! If you have ever wondered, such as i have, when is a good time to give Jesus your life? Rom 13:11 really hits home as it did for me sis!! " Do this, knowing the time, that it is already the hour for you to awaken from your sleep;for now salvation is nearer to us then we first believed! Blessing sis! your brother in Christ mark
 
B

blp2007

Guest
#14
#14
So, so sorry this has happened to you. You are not dirty or unlovable, and you should not feel guilt because it is not your fault. I will pray for you to help God heal you. It is obvious you have tremendous faith, and that is a great step in healing. With prayer and faith in our Almighty Father, you will get through this. It is hard to forgive someone who has hurt you so bad, especially if you are still hurting. But, with prayer you will be able to get through this.
I also hope that you called the police. Men like that should not be out free.
 
F

Fubario

Guest
#15
#15
The first thing in order or to do rather is to let go of the pain or work through it and seek medical attention in the physical and spiritual senses, I would talk with a pastor but first work up the courage to say something and do let any guilt or shame hold you down, put a bit of effort in and the healing process will come by a little quicker rather than waiting for it to get solved,

Pattee I would want you to focus on this and really take into account and infuse these words into your being:

you are a child of God, and although people may not make the best decisions because of past conflicts or because of a lack of knowledge, is God loves you and cares for you and wants to help you get through the pain, the first thing is surrender it to him, just keep surrendering it to him and bawling if you have to do it, and it's going to be okay, we are looking out for you and will be praying for you, so keep on hoping you are going to receive help.

God bless you.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#16
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#16
pattyannee said:
Thank you all got your replies. I'm a bit overwhelmed right now but I do approviate you. Also I am not a Christian.
Click to expand...
Christians or not, the punch is the same. Our beliefs do not lessen such pains someone gave you.

Get recovered!
 
E

Elizabeth78

Guest
#17
#17
I'm so sorry this happened to you, praying for you. Xxx
 
C

cjordan38

Guest
#18
#18
Let go and let God....See you just gotta love him even though he treated you wrong and raped you. Forget the past. See the devil presents these thoughts so we can get caught up but when you resist the devil he surly has to flee. Just ask God to touch your mind and break the yolks. Remove the shackles and chains and bring you out of your Egypt. Praise your way out and watch how God moves. He said the prayers of the righteous availed much.
 
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