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It sounds like you are making a lot of demands on him, which he cannot cope with. Some men do not have the capacity to do too many things at once. He might feel he is sinking, instead of treading water, and the only way out is to drop one thing, which is you.
So how about figuring out some alternative strategies for easing the stress he is under. Yes, I know you are under stress too, and it probably comes out in part as nagging and snapping at him, and fighting with him. So first, eliminate all of this. Because being angry is not a way for you to eliminate stress. But also remember that as women, God gave us a brain that is able to be all over the place, and still accomplish a lot. (Not to be sexist, just different wiring!)
Then figure out how you can spend a short amount of time together, and make it pleasing to him. I am not talking about this nonsense Presidente is talking about. I am saying - be his friend and love him. If that is just watching a movie and not speaking, just be present.
Do pray, but please stop railing at him. It is incredibly difficult to lead a family member to the Lord. So pray for God to bring other people into his life at work and in school, who will share the gospel with him.
Praying you are able to change this situation back into a solid marriage.
So how about figuring out some alternative strategies for easing the stress he is under. Yes, I know you are under stress too, and it probably comes out in part as nagging and snapping at him, and fighting with him. So first, eliminate all of this. Because being angry is not a way for you to eliminate stress. But also remember that as women, God gave us a brain that is able to be all over the place, and still accomplish a lot. (Not to be sexist, just different wiring!)
Then figure out how you can spend a short amount of time together, and make it pleasing to him. I am not talking about this nonsense Presidente is talking about. I am saying - be his friend and love him. If that is just watching a movie and not speaking, just be present.
Do pray, but please stop railing at him. It is incredibly difficult to lead a family member to the Lord. So pray for God to bring other people into his life at work and in school, who will share the gospel with him.
Praying you are able to change this situation back into a solid marriage.
L
you are deflecting
this is about you asking for help cause your husband has just laid down an ultimatum
I sure would not look at anyone I cared about and tell them you are going to hell
I get the impression you are angry when you say that...it cannot be said in love
how many times did Jesus say to some...you are going to hell...I came that you might have life and have it more abundantly...if not...you are going to hell
awesome
A
He plays video games to escape reality and cope with a situation he can't deal with.
You can't force him to play with the baby and truthfully the baby doesn't really care. Its more about you controlling him and getting him to do what you want.
As long as you may at him and are angry at him, he is going to want to escape. You have to forgive him. Let go of trying to make him do what you want and pray that God puts it into his heart to do what He wants. The baby is young and can't tell the difference yet...all babies want is love.
Your husband isn't God. Don't expect perfection or mind reading from him. Don't expect that he will cater to your,whims and wishes. Instead learn to listen and love him for who he is.
You can't change other people, only God can. However you can change yourself and how you interact with that person. Interact in a way that makes him want to,be present with you instead of running away in his video games. Or learn to play the video game and be present where he is.
Personally I just cuddle and rub my husband's back and he will hug me. For me that is enough most of the time, but sometimes I really want to talk and want him to listen. Since I normally don't say the words "we need to talk.." he pays attention when I do.
You have to examine your heart.
What is the most important thing in your life right now?
If you could pray and get only one thing to happen concerning your husband what would you pray for? His salvation? That he listens to you? That he finds joy in your daughter? That he stays with you?
There are worst things your husband could,be doing than playing video games. I would thank God he works and,provides for you and that he comes home every night instead of nagging him for what he doesn't do.
The Bible says a nagging wife eats away at the marrow of the soul and it is better to live in a desert than to live with a nagging wife.
When you feel the urge to nag, pray and give thanks for your blessings instead.
You can't force him to play with the baby and truthfully the baby doesn't really care. Its more about you controlling him and getting him to do what you want.
As long as you may at him and are angry at him, he is going to want to escape. You have to forgive him. Let go of trying to make him do what you want and pray that God puts it into his heart to do what He wants. The baby is young and can't tell the difference yet...all babies want is love.
Your husband isn't God. Don't expect perfection or mind reading from him. Don't expect that he will cater to your,whims and wishes. Instead learn to listen and love him for who he is.
You can't change other people, only God can. However you can change yourself and how you interact with that person. Interact in a way that makes him want to,be present with you instead of running away in his video games. Or learn to play the video game and be present where he is.
Personally I just cuddle and rub my husband's back and he will hug me. For me that is enough most of the time, but sometimes I really want to talk and want him to listen. Since I normally don't say the words "we need to talk.." he pays attention when I do.
You have to examine your heart.
What is the most important thing in your life right now?
If you could pray and get only one thing to happen concerning your husband what would you pray for? His salvation? That he listens to you? That he finds joy in your daughter? That he stays with you?
There are worst things your husband could,be doing than playing video games. I would thank God he works and,provides for you and that he comes home every night instead of nagging him for what he doesn't do.
The Bible says a nagging wife eats away at the marrow of the soul and it is better to live in a desert than to live with a nagging wife.
When you feel the urge to nag, pray and give thanks for your blessings instead.
A
Who watches your baby while you are at school and work?
Both of you sound stressed out. Would it be possible to cut expenses and live on a single income?
How much longer do you both have to attend school?
Perhaps it will become less stressful when you are both out of school?
The title of this thread is how to be better wife...
1. Stop nagging and praise God and give thanks for His many blessings instead whe, you feel the temptation to nag.
2. Pray and think of ways you can reduce stress in both your lives...maybe buy less, cut out unneeded expenses...think about being a stay at home mom or dad?
Both of you sound stressed out. Would it be possible to cut expenses and live on a single income?
How much longer do you both have to attend school?
Perhaps it will become less stressful when you are both out of school?
The title of this thread is how to be better wife...
1. Stop nagging and praise God and give thanks for His many blessings instead whe, you feel the temptation to nag.
2. Pray and think of ways you can reduce stress in both your lives...maybe buy less, cut out unneeded expenses...think about being a stay at home mom or dad?
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Be aware that women have the tendency to be controlling. It's part of our brokenness. (You will desire to control your husband- genesis 3:16)
Men have the tendency to be passive or lazy so God took his ability to have it easy and so he has to work hard all his life. -Genesis 3:17
God commanded the husband to love his wife despite of being controlling. And the wife is commanded to respect her husband -ephesians 5:33
A husband deserves respect based on the role and responsibility God has given him, not whether he has proved himself worthy.
When a woman acts rightly in the face of mistreatment or disrespect, she honors the God who promised to love those who obey his Word, no matter what the circumstances - john 15:10, james 1:2-4, 1 john 5:2
Respect means not to nag and control but to say what you need from him in a respectful way. If you have done your part in respecting him but he refuse to do his part which is to love you then its not your problem. He is accountable to God.
Focusing on your own well being or pleasure might seem like the best way to get what you want, but in the end it gives you the opposite of what you want. And it most often leads to bitterness, frustration and loneliness. Selfishness is never the healthy choice.
Don't be selfish. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3-4
Marriage is for sanctification. God's goal is not to make you happy; its to make you holy.
Maybe he did'nt mean his threat to leave you. It could be a desperate attempt to get you to stop nagging. You should have a deep talk about your issues and then be silent if you feel the urge to nag. -proverbs 21:23
Pray for your husband.
Men have the tendency to be passive or lazy so God took his ability to have it easy and so he has to work hard all his life. -Genesis 3:17
God commanded the husband to love his wife despite of being controlling. And the wife is commanded to respect her husband -ephesians 5:33
A husband deserves respect based on the role and responsibility God has given him, not whether he has proved himself worthy.
When a woman acts rightly in the face of mistreatment or disrespect, she honors the God who promised to love those who obey his Word, no matter what the circumstances - john 15:10, james 1:2-4, 1 john 5:2
Respect means not to nag and control but to say what you need from him in a respectful way. If you have done your part in respecting him but he refuse to do his part which is to love you then its not your problem. He is accountable to God.
Focusing on your own well being or pleasure might seem like the best way to get what you want, but in the end it gives you the opposite of what you want. And it most often leads to bitterness, frustration and loneliness. Selfishness is never the healthy choice.
Don't be selfish. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3-4
Marriage is for sanctification. God's goal is not to make you happy; its to make you holy.
Maybe he did'nt mean his threat to leave you. It could be a desperate attempt to get you to stop nagging. You should have a deep talk about your issues and then be silent if you feel the urge to nag. -proverbs 21:23
Pray for your husband.
L
whaaaaaa?
gee...I wish people would not generalize like that! those are cliches...not truths
you do realize that Jesus became a curse for us on the cross? we are NO LONGER CURSED!! this is very bad teaching and should be ignored...we are not walking around under a curse if we are in Christ Jesus!
seriously? all men have tendency to be passive and or lazy? I guess you never heard of the type A personality...again...why are you stuck in the book of Genesis? we have a new identity in CHRIST!...the old has passed away and ALL things....ALL things have become new! terrible teaching to put these kinds of things on people!
marriage is FAR FAR more than the description you have posted...far more!
so if you are not married you cannot be sanctified?
I don't mean to be rude or condescending, but telling women they are under a curse is not biblical
gee...I wish people would not generalize like that! those are cliches...not truths
you do realize that Jesus became a curse for us on the cross? we are NO LONGER CURSED!! this is very bad teaching and should be ignored...we are not walking around under a curse if we are in Christ Jesus!
seriously? all men have tendency to be passive and or lazy? I guess you never heard of the type A personality...again...why are you stuck in the book of Genesis? we have a new identity in CHRIST!...the old has passed away and ALL things....ALL things have become new! terrible teaching to put these kinds of things on people!
marriage is FAR FAR more than the description you have posted...far more!
so if you are not married you cannot be sanctified?
I don't mean to be rude or condescending, but telling women they are under a curse is not biblical
N
I focus on the Love of God when I am talking to others: The Freedom, Peace, and Power we have through God. If I am directly asked about heaven and hell, I am honest, and say it's not my choice who lives and who dies. That is between God and that person. Look honestly, no one knows what happens between man and God in those last seconds of life. For all anyone really knows, God could appear to people right before death (in God's timing, right?) and who could see God and NOT believe? So really No one KNOWS what happens at death to know who will and won't go to heaven. Honestly, to me it's VERY vain to be telling anyone, ESPECIALLY someone we claim to love, they are going to hell. When did we become God, with the power to know their true hearts?
Old testament is still God's word not cliche. Yes we are not living under curse because God has forgiven us but we still live in a broken world. And temptation is everywhere. Women still has the tendency to control their husband same as men still tend to be lazy , the situation of the OP clearly shows this, that's why there is the fruit of the Holy Spirit to cure that glitch which is Patience and Self Control etc. Without the Holy Spirit we are still lost sheep. The sanctification I meant is directed to the OP who is married and nobody is generalizing here sorry if you misunderstood.
K
While I do agree with many of your posts I don't really agree a lot with this one. Of course everyone has opinions so Im just going to give mine.
1)Be aware that women have the tendency to be controlling.
Neither I or my husband have a want for control. We discuss everything and make decisions together. If he thinks my idea isn't great he tells me why and I do likewise. We've never had an issue for control.We do everything together,share all responsibilities.
2)Men have the tendency to be passive or lazy
Not sure you can extrapolate that from that verse. My husband doesn't have a lazy bone in his body. I have to make him sit down and relax. He hates to procrastinate.
3)God commanded the husband to love his wife despite of being controlling.
God commands us to love each other in spite of all our flaws. None of us is perfect. We all have something we could work on.
4)A husband deserves respect based on the role and responsibility God has given him, not whether he has proved himself worthy.
This can be a very dangerous statement. Ive seen a lot of abuse of women based on this teaching in Christian circles.
5)When a woman acts rightly in the face of mistreatment or disrespect, she honors the God who promised to love those who obey his Word, no matter what the circumstances
Again,this is a dangerous thing to say. A woman is never to be mistreated or disrespected. God sees a womans tears and says he will not answer a husbands prayer if he mistreats his wife.
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Peter 3:7)
6)Marriage is for sanctification. God's goal is not to make you happy; its to make you holy.
Strife in a marriage is never a good thing and if there is an issue it needs to be fixed. Children that live in stress and strife have many issues when they grow up. God wants a marriage to be happy and healthy. Yes, there can be issues and disagreements but they should be over quickly. If a couple is in constant turmoil there is a big problem and they need counseling for it.
L
and you know what message I got with the rep thingy..........
4)A husband deserves respect based on the role and responsibility God has given him, not whether he has proved himself worthy.
This can be a very dangerous statement. Ive seen a lot of abuse of women based on this teaching in Christian circles.
5)When a woman acts rightly in the face of mistreatment or disrespect, she honors the God who promised to love those who obey his Word, no matter what the circumstances
Again,this is a dangerous thing to say. A woman is never to be mistreated or disrespected. God sees a womans tears and says he will not answer a husbands prayer if he mistreats his wife.
spot on...I am so thankful I was not raised like that!
4)A husband deserves respect based on the role and responsibility God has given him, not whether he has proved himself worthy.
This can be a very dangerous statement. Ive seen a lot of abuse of women based on this teaching in Christian circles.
5)When a woman acts rightly in the face of mistreatment or disrespect, she honors the God who promised to love those who obey his Word, no matter what the circumstances
Again,this is a dangerous thing to say. A woman is never to be mistreated or disrespected. God sees a womans tears and says he will not answer a husbands prayer if he mistreats his wife.
spot on...I am so thankful I was not raised like that!
Ok kayla thanks. I already explained what I meant above. Obviously your marriage is an exception because its working. My advise is for the marriage of the OP which is not working. I want to make her see why she acts that way so she can understand and will know what to do. Wisdom is important so you will know your course of action. And our history is important. For those who don't know their history are condemned to repeat it.
K
and you know what message I got with the rep thingy..........
4)A husband deserves respect based on the role and responsibility God has given him, not whether he has proved himself worthy.
This can be a very dangerous statement. Ive seen a lot of abuse of women based on this teaching in Christian circles.
5)When a woman acts rightly in the face of mistreatment or disrespect, she honors the God who promised to love those who obey his Word, no matter what the circumstances
Again,this is a dangerous thing to say. A woman is never to be mistreated or disrespected. God sees a womans tears and says he will not answer a husbands prayer if he mistreats his wife.
spot on...I am so thankful I was not raised like that!
4)A husband deserves respect based on the role and responsibility God has given him, not whether he has proved himself worthy.
This can be a very dangerous statement. Ive seen a lot of abuse of women based on this teaching in Christian circles.
5)When a woman acts rightly in the face of mistreatment or disrespect, she honors the God who promised to love those who obey his Word, no matter what the circumstances
Again,this is a dangerous thing to say. A woman is never to be mistreated or disrespected. God sees a womans tears and says he will not answer a husbands prayer if he mistreats his wife.
spot on...I am so thankful I was not raised like that!
Lol you rep-ed my in your heart,thats the main thing hahaha Ya, Ive seen a lot of abuse and wrong teaching,even in my own family. I cannot stand to see a woman put down and abused. Whether that is hitting or emotional abuse.
and you know what message I got with the rep thingy..........
4)A husband deserves respect based on the role and responsibility God has given him, not whether he has proved himself worthy.
This can be a very dangerous statement. Ive seen a lot of abuse of women based on this teaching in Christian circles.
5)When a woman acts rightly in the face of mistreatment or disrespect, she honors the God who promised to love those who obey his Word, no matter what the circumstances
Again,this is a dangerous thing to say. A woman is never to be mistreated or disrespected. God sees a womans tears and says he will not answer a husbands prayer if he mistreats his wife.
spot on...I am so thankful I was not raised like that!
4)A husband deserves respect based on the role and responsibility God has given him, not whether he has proved himself worthy.
This can be a very dangerous statement. Ive seen a lot of abuse of women based on this teaching in Christian circles.
5)When a woman acts rightly in the face of mistreatment or disrespect, she honors the God who promised to love those who obey his Word, no matter what the circumstances
Again,this is a dangerous thing to say. A woman is never to be mistreated or disrespected. God sees a womans tears and says he will not answer a husbands prayer if he mistreats his wife.
spot on...I am so thankful I was not raised like that!
A
I was listening to this sermon. It really helped me, perhaps it will bless you too.
Biblical Manhood, Womanhood, Marriage & Family - Wise Parenting Part 1 | SermonAudio.com
Biblical Manhood, Womanhood, Marriage & Family - Wise Parenting Part 1 | SermonAudio.com